In the world of internships, open season has officially begun. As the summer draws closer, hopefuls scramble to score their dream positions. But when fighting for an internship is reminiscent of The Hunger Games, a collegiette needs her best ammunition by her side. Well-written cover letters and impressive resumes will help you snag a coveted interview, but an outstanding letter of recommendation is any hopeful’s secret weapon. “They prove that you’re real, talented and give you instant credibility in the eyes of those who don’t know you,” says Neal Schaffer, President of Windmills Marketing and networking guru. But how do you ask someone for a recommendation? More importantly, how do you ask them without sounding like a mooch? Allow us to help you.

January: Start planning who to ask

While many collegiettes resolve to find true love or shed a few pounds after the ball drops, you’re focused on landing that perfect internship. Start the search off by figuring out deadlines and which applications require a formal recommendation letter.  As you begin to make a list of places you’d love to work this summer, start making a list of whom you’d like to ask for a recommendation. But which ones are viable candidates?

It’s okay if you haven’t had an internship before

Some collegiettes have lengthy resumes; however, other hopefuls never had an internship. What’s a girl to do? “The applicant can also have a faculty member on their list if needed,” says Carol Spector, Director of Career Services at Emerson College. If you haven’t had any work experience, feel free to reach out to a professor or a faculty advisor of an extracurricular who you have a good relationship with.  Don’t worry, collegiettes; this month-by-month guide also works for this scenario.

The higher, the better

 You may have had your fair share of internships, but you’re clueless when it comes to figuring out which supervisor you should ask for a recommendation. When in doubt, take a walk down memory lane and think about who you worked with the most. “Generally speaking, the person you reported to at work would be the best person as they would be able to give the most details about your work,” says Schaffer. “However, the higher up in the organization that you can get a recommendation from, the more perceived value it might have – so aim high!” That being said, don’t ask someone you barely know – and who barely knows you - for a recommendation. Chances are that they won’t be able to give you a rave review.

Quality is key

Though you may be tempted to ask everyone you know for a recommendation, don’t. Instead, zero in on those who will really sing your praises. “You should have two or three names of people to provide for the new employer,” notes Spector. “You should choose people who can best speak to your talents and experiences that may be related to what you’re currently seeking.” Many times, your potential employer will specifically ask for some of your most recent bosses.  If someone you just interned for can give you a stellar recommendation, all the better.

Focus on the skills

While many people reach out to old bosses who can give a general, positive review, make sure to take the skills that this new internship requires into consideration. For example, maybe your computer science professor would make a great recommendation if you’re applying to programming internship. Not only will it show your potential employer that you’re a strong candidate, it also proves that you’ve done your research.

Keep tabs with social media

If you haven’t connected with your old employers online, now is a better time than any. “Social media gives us the ability to help stay in touch, so I say that you should friend or follow them on whatever social media platforms,” suggests Schaffer. Just make sure you know where to draw the virtual line. While following your old supervisor on Twitter or connecting with them on LinkedIn is one thing, friending them on Facebook is too invasive in most scenarios. Also, make sure that all your social platforms are intern-appropriate before you invite your old boss into your digital world. You may think your raunchy tweets are hysterical, but revealing your unprofessional side to your former employers will only hurt your chances of snagging that magnificent recommendation.  Stay on your old employer’s radar by retweeting some tweets or commenting on their latest LinkedIn updates (in a professional way).

February: Rekindle your professional relationship

Cover letter? Check. Resume? Check. Reference letters? Almost. Now that you’ve narrowed down your list of potential contacts, it’s time to bring up the internship search. “The longer you wait, the less that they will remember about you,” says Schaffer. “It really is a case of the sooner you do it, the better it will be for you.” Since you’ve been staying in contact with your old boss, reconnecting will be a breeze.  Wait, you haven’t stayed in touch this whole time? Don’t panic just yet—you may be able to salvage the relationship. Even if you’re a networking guru, you must check out the best ways to bring up the subject.

Visit your boss at work

Face-to-face time not only gives you the opportunity to really catch up, but it also shows your former employer that you genuinely care about your old internship. If you can visit your old boss, shoot him or her an email and ask if you bring them some coffee or just say a quick hello. Most likely, they won’t turn down a chance to catch up (or a steaming cup of their favorite brew).  Once you’re reconnecting, casually slip the intern search into the conversation. “I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since I’ve interned here,” you can say. “Now I have to start the search process all over again.” Though you’re not blatantly asking for a recommendation, this comment may lead to more conversation about your internship search. You never know—maybe your old boss will offer to give you a recommendation right then and there.

Catch up over email

Don’t let distance hurt your chances of scoring a stellar recommendation. If visiting your old intern stomping ground is impossible, reconnect over email instead.  A perfect way to initiate conversation is by showing your old boss that you’re still keeping tabs on the company. If you interned at a magazine, compliment the latest issue. Or, if you worked in a more corporate environment, congratulate your old supervisor on that new partnership. “By ‘always being on the lookout for them,’ you will win a permanent place in their heart—and reap the dividends down the road,” says Schaffer. Just remember to ask your old boss how they’re doing. Unless your former employer is in a rush, he or she will most likely ask how you’re doing. Don’t ask for the recommendation just yet—that’s a major mooch move. Instead, take this opportunity to plant the seed. “I’m good!” you reply. “I’m in currently in the process of applying for summer internships. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I applied to work at [insert company’s name here].” Not only are you laying down the groundwork for the big question, you’re also bringing the conversation back to your old internship.

March: Pop the question

Email away

When it comes to actually asking for the letter of recommendation, you can send an email. “Just make sure you personalize the request so it doesn’t look like you sent the same one to dozens of people,” warns Schaffer. Email your old employer to ask, “Would you feel comfortable with writing me a letter of recommendation?” This way, you’re giving your potential recommender the option to say no. But since you were such a fabulous intern, they’ll probably be thrilled you thought of him or her.

Don’t be afraid to follow up

Don’t be surprised if you find yourself refreshing your email every five minutes—it happens to the best of us. If you don’t hear back from your potential recommender soon, follow up with a friendly email.  In the event you still haven’t heard back from them, you might want to explore your other options—that’s why you created a list of potentials.

Give your recommender additional information

Congratulations! Your old boss said that he or she would love to write you a letter of recommendation. Let that sigh of relief out, collegiettes, because the worst is over. But you’re not home free just yet. To make sure that you get the best letter of recommendation you can, provide your former employer with some additional information. “Basically, whatever information that you think they should know to increase the chances that your recommendation will help you get hired, tell them that!” says Schaffer. So what exactly does that mean? We would never leave you hanging at a time like this:

• Deadline: Just like everyone else, your recommenders can forget things or become a little sidetracked. “You may want to give the person a week,” suggests Spector. “Build in some time for that if you have a deadline or know the timeframe for the letter.”  By giving your recommender an earlier deadline, you’ll definitely be able to submit your application in a timely manner.
• Where you’re applying: If your recommender has enough time, you should ask him or her to customize each letter to each company. A dash of personalization will show your potential employer that you care enough about this internship to tell your recommender about it. But don’t be a nag if your recommender is swamped with their own work—he or she is doing you a favor.
• Who they should address the letter to: Even if you recommender doesn’t personalize each letter, “To Whom It May Concern” is a little too impersonal for our liking.  Ask your recommender if he or she would mind addressing the letters to different people—it usually won’t be an issue.
• Your previous experiences: Just because you’ve worked with your recommender doesn’t mean that he or she has memorized your whole resume. Chances are, he or she hasn’t. In order for your recommender to write a comprehensive letter of recommendation, send him or her your resume. If you want them to talk about a certain experience, provide a brief description of that incredible internship or extracurricular. Better safe than sorry, right?  

April: Follow up, follow up, follow up

The clock is ticking and you still haven’t received your recommendation letter. If you already have the okay, our expert says it’s okay to follow up on the regular. “Sometimes you have to remind the writer about the tasks,” says Spector. “Follow up and remind them of your status in the search as often as you like, maybe weekly.” However, constantly asking if your recommender is done with the letter can get a little, well, annoying. Instead, you can remind your recommender by asking him or her some logistical questions about the letter.

• Who they feel comfortable sending the letter to: Some recommenders don’t mind if you take a peak at your glowing review while others are a little more private. Since everyone’s different, shoot your recommender an email to find out.
• How they should send the letter: A letter of recommendation is a letter of recommendation, right? Not necessarily. Some companies require the letter signed, sealed and delivered. Whether that’s the case or not, let your recommender know the best way to send it. If you’re not so sure, send an email to whoever is in charge of the company’s internship program.
• If you’re allowed to send the letter over and over again: So maybe you couldn’t score a personalized letter of recommendation for every place you want to apply to. Sometimes, that’s not a bad thing.  With your recommender’s okay, you can send that letter to a spur-of-the-moment internship opportunity.

Every time you follow up, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate this letter of recommendation. After all, a little thank you goes a long way.

May: Don’t forget to say thank you!

Your old bosses must’ve given you a glowing review because you got the internship! Before you update your LinkedIn profile and plan your internship ensembles, don’t forget to thank your recommender. When Virginia Ashe, a collegiette from Boston University, was accepted into a publicity program for Cannes Film Festival, she made sure to thank her old boss from her internship at Diane von Furstenberg. “I sent a heartfelt email,” says Virginia. “I politely thanked her for the recommendation and let her know I would keep her in the loop.” Or send your recommender a thank you card— taking the time to write and mail a letter shows your sincere gratitude. Plus, everyone (not-so) secretly loves receiving snail mail!

June: Keep in touch

Coffee runs, long hours and invaluable experiences—welcome to the wonderful world of interning! You’ll definitely be busy this summer, but don’t forget to stay in touch with your recommenders. They didn’t land the internship for you, but it’s safe to think that they were singing your praises. “I think the most important thing about asking for a recommendation is to keep in contact with your boss before and after asking for it,” concludes Virginia. Instead of trading office gossip or walking your old boss through your day-to-day intern rituals, let him or her know that what you learned at your former internship is helping you at your new one. Remember to continue keeping tabs on your old company—your former boss will love to know that you still are genuinely interested.

As you wrap up your glorious summer internship, don’t forget to stay in touch with your current employers -- they may give you incredible recommendations in the future!

18 things women shouldn't have to justify. [Thought Catalog]

Exactly how cold the polar voretx is making the Midwest. [E! Online]

Happy Birthday, Kate Middleton! 32 reasons why she's perfect. [BuzzFeed]

Neil Patrick Harris chronicles his margarita consumption while on vacation. [Gawker]

Girly things that guys do too. [Cosmopolitan]

Why you wish you were dating Juan Pablo. [Betches Love This]

Life lessons for every college girl to know. [Total Frat Move]

Life hacks we learned from Disney movies. [BuzzFeed]

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen hire 65-year-old model for their pre-fall lookbook for The Row. [Jezebel]

Delicious healthy desserts. [FitSugar]

This week, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie apologized to the public after emails surfaced showing that some members of his administration deliberately disrupted the traffic flow of Fort Lee, a city in Jersey whose mayor did not endorse Christie's re-election. On the other side of the world, a 14-year-old boy named Aitazaz Bangash died stopping a suicide bomber from attacking his school, saving the lives of hundreds of potential victims.

Welcome back to NEWSFLASH, giving you the week's biggest news stories!

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Caught In “Bridgegate” Scandal

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie faced a storm of criticisms this week in what has come to be known as the “Bridgegate” scandal.

The controversy centered on last September’s temporary closure of two of three lanes that led to the George Washington Bridge, a bridge that connected Manhattan with the New Jersey city of Fort Lee. While Christie’s aides claimed last year that the closure was part of a traffic study, an email by deputy chief of staff Bridget Anne Kelly uncovered this Wednesday revealed that the closure had been orchestrated presumably to retaliate against Fort Lee’s mayor, who had refused to support Christie in his re-election.

“Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee,” read Kelly’s email. The message led Christie to fire Kelly and another top political aide on Thursday, during which Christie addressed the media in a two-hour press conference on the issue.

Christie claims that he knew nothing of the issue until news reports surfaced Wednesday exposing Kelly’s email exchanges. The governor stated that he was “embarrassed and humiliated” by his administration’s actions.

Pakistani Boy Sacrifices Own Life to Stop Suicide Bomber

A 14-year-old boy in Pakistan has been posthumously nominated for one of the country’s highest awards after he gave his life to stop a suicide bomber from harming his classmates.

Aitazaz Hassan Bangash was rushing to a morning assembly with friends when the boys encountered a stranger dressed in their school’s uniform who asked them for directions to the building. While Aitazaz’s friends decided to back off, he challenged the suicide bomber who detonated his vest in panic as Aitazaz tackled him.

Aitazaz’s decision saved hundreds of lives, as at least 1,000 students are enrolled in the Government Boys High School. Pakistani citizens and people all over the world honored the and his sacrifice.

On Saturday, Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif announced that Aitazaz had been nominated for the Sitara-e Shujjat, a top civil award whose recipients include girls’ education advocate Malala Yousafzai.

Sick of eating cereal and ramen for lunch and dinner? Want to spend less money eating out and finally start cooking for yourself? Put down that frozen pizza, because HC’s Health Editor, Sammie Levin, is here to share her daily eats so you can get ideas for healthy, satisfying meals that are easy enough for any time-strapped collegiette to make. After you read Collegiette Eats, your taste buds, wallet and waistline will thank you.

Breakfast
 

For breakfast yesterday, I had oatmeal with sliced banana, two chopped dates, a tablespoon of flaxseed, a tablespoon of almond butter, cinnamon and a bit of vanilla extract. I am always amazed by how healthy foodstagrammers are able to make their creations look so good. The fruit is always precisely placed (sometimes even cut into little hearts),
and everything looks so clean and perfect. I tried to line up my banana slices this morning, and it made me respect those foodstagrammers even more; it's no easy task! But then again, I've never been good at art, and I've never been the neatest person.

Lunch

Amidst the chaos of returning to school, I hadn't done a full-out grocery store trip yet, so I didn't have many options for lunch yesterday. Luckily, our freezer was still fully loaded. I had an Amy's Brown Rice and Vegetables Bowl. 

Dinner

Around dinner time, I finally made it to the grocery store so that I'd be stocked up for my first week of classes. I was feeling too lazy to cook last night, so in addition to groceries, I got dinner from the salad bar at Whole Foods. The salad bar at Whole Foods is magical. There is no shortage of ingredients, all of which look amazing and some of which you're not even sure how to pronounce (khorasan wheat, what are you?). There are endless nutrient-packed flavor combinations you can make. It's a little overwhelming since there are so many options, but you usually can't go wrong! 

I went for kale with lemon and olive oil dressing, tomatoes, shredded carrots, grilled asparagus and two types of tofu: sesame and rosemary-garlic. The tofu was so good; I need to learn how to prepare it like that because it was a great salad addition and it would taste good with rice or pasta too.

I passed by the prepared foods and saw zucchini manicotti, which intrigued me, so I got two to try. I topped them with some marinara sauce and popped them in the microwave when I got home. They were... interesting. Not my favorite and probably not something I would get again, but I'm glad I tried them.

Packing to study abroad is a daunting task.  How in the world are you supposed to fit your entire life into two suitcases?! And when you arrive in a foreign country, you’ll probably be nervous, jet lagged, and surrounded by people you can’t understand—the last thing you want to happen is to realize you forgot to pack something, further stressing you out.  But don’t worry; HC has you covered with a list of all of those last-minute things you might have forgotten to pack in your one to two (gulp) suitcases.  So stop stressing, read our list, and get ready to have the experience of a lifetime!

An eye mask.

Between late nights dancing at foreign clubs, annoyingly loud hostel-mates, and the serious jet lag you’ll have when you first get to your study abroad destination, sleep will probably be on your list of things you miss most from your life in the States (along with peanut butter and New Girl).  Skidmore College collegiette Kate Moriarty, who studied abroad in Paris, suggests to “bring an eye mask! Honestly, nothing's better than an instant sleep aid when you're traveling from city to city or when you're still adjusting to jet lag.” For $3.99, this eye mask from Target is a cheap one to get before you leave.  That eye mask will be a godsend when you’re exhausted on your Ryanair flight back to your host country after a sleepless weekend vacation—really, though, do they have to keep the lights on the whole time?!

Foreign money.

From airport food to toiletries to additional travel expenses such as metro tickets or cab fare, you’re going to want some money to start out with when you first arrive in your study abroad destination. Since airports often have really high exchange rates, go to your bank before you leave and exchange some of your US dollars (we’d recommend at least $200) for the currency of the country you’re studying abroad in.  Some foreign vendors won’t accept American credit or debit cards, so you won’t want to rely on a credit card for purchases when you first arrive!

Extra adapters.

Unfortunately, the plug at the end of your American computer charger may not fit in the outlets of the country you’re studying in; outlet shapes and sizes vary across the globe. Before you leave, you may need to stop by your local electronics store and buy adapters so you can plug in your electronics abroad (check out this worldwide plug adapter guide to see which adapter you’ll need for your destination). We recommend bringing multiple adapters, because when you’re trying to charge your computer, your camera, and your backup drive all at once, you’ll be happy you packed more than one. “You never know how many things you're going to want to plug in at once,” says Jamie Blynn, a GWU student who studied abroad in Israel. If you’re planning on traveling to different countries while you’re abroad, you’ll want to buy a set that comes with multiple adapter sizes, such as this one from Brookstone for $30.99.

Over-the-counter and prescription medications.

If you’re not fully fluent in the language of the country you’re studying abroad in, the last thing you want to do is try to purchase medication there!  You don’t want to find yourself saying “it’s all Greek to me” when trying to decipher labels at the pharmacy (unless you’re actually studying abroad in Greece).  Not to mention, some countries have more restrictions for buying what Americans would consider OTC medications. “France requires you to have a prescription in order for you to be able to purchase Tylenol and the like, so if your host country has a similar policy, you'll save yourself time and energy by bringing your own supply,” Kate says.  However, check with the foreign embassy of the country where you’ll be staying before you pack that Advil or allergy medication—some medicines that are legal in the US are considered illegal narcotics in certain countries. If you’re being prescribed medication in the US, talk to your doctor before you leave so they can prescribe you a big enough supply to last you your semester or summer abroad.

A travel alarm clock.

Between flights, train trips, and tours, you’ll want something to ensure that you’ll wake up in time for all the awesome things you’ll do abroad. American University alum Lesley Siu, who studied abroad in Scotland, suggests packing a travel alarm clock. “I normally use my cell phone, but I mostly kept it off while traveling internationally to avoid the fees. My friends were thankful I had it too—we relied on it to wake us up for early flights, tours and activities,” she says. “It's easy to carry and small enough to fit under your pillow, so you won't wake everyone up when you're staying in hostels.” When they’re as cheap as this $10 one from Walmart, that’s a small price to pay to avoid annoying your hostel-mates!

A deck of cards.

With the tons of fabulous traveling you’re sure to be doing, you’re bound to need some entertainment for those hours spent in trains and planes. “A deck of cards comes in so much handy on the plane, train, or on the beach,” Jamie says.  Not to mention, they’re inexpensive—whipping out a deck of cards on a train ride rather than an iPod or a Kindle will make you less likely to be a target of theft for those tricky pickpockets.

Books or magazines in English.

If you’re studying abroad in a non-English-speaking country, after weeks of ordering food, writing papers, reading textbooks, and conversing with the locals in a foreign language, sometimes it’s nice to just relax by reading something that doesn’t require a bilingual dictionary at your side.  Not to mention they also make for cheap travel entertainment! Just make sure you don’t load down your suitcases with too many books—they’re heavy, and that 50-lb limit for checked baggage on airlines can be reached quicker than you think (and you’ll probably be so busy abroad that you won’t make it through a ton of books, anyways!).

Your US cell phone (and charger).

While your American cell phone may be about as useful as a paperweight while you’re in your host country, it can be extremely helpful while traveling to and from your study abroad destination.  Keep it charged and in your carryon luggage during your journeys from and to the States in case you need to contact your parents about flight delays or other important happenings while you’re still traveling stateside. Also, if you have a smartphone, it can still be useful abroad even if you can’t use it to call or text; keep your cell in airplane mode to access your apps and other functionalities that could come in handy during your travels.

Photocopies of important documents.

Losing your passport or visa is one of the scariest things that could ever happen to you abroad—and, unfortunately, it does happen to some collegiettes.  Pack copies of your passport, visa, credit cards, prescriptions, and other important documents in each of your suitcases when you travel, in case you lose the real things. “I kept a photocopy of my passport on me at all times for identification purposes and as a reference in case I ever lost my real passport, which thankfully never happened!” Kate says. “Everyone in my program carried photocopies, and since access to scanners is often limited—or nonexistent—abroad, I was glad that I'd made my copy in advance.”

A small umbrella.

The rain in Spain may stay mainly on the plain, but even if you’re living in the Pyrenees, you’re bound to see some precipitation at some point during your study abroad experience.  And there are few things more awkward than arriving to class soaking wet because you had to walk a mile sans rain gear in a downpour.

A pashmina.

It’s no secret that Europeans love scarves, but they’re not just useful as a fashion accessory—a pashmina could come in handy in a variety of situations. “A pashmina is definitely the best thing I brought with me for traveling,” says Elizabeth Tomaselli, a collegiette from Eckerd College who studied abroad in Italy. “I used it as a pillow on the planes and buses and trains, a blanket when it was chilly, a head scarf in the rain, a shawl when I went to the ballet, and even a scarf. It was perfect!”  And if you wear one on the plane with you on the way to your destination, not only will you be super comfortable and stylish, you’ll also save room in your suitcase.  Sounds like a win-win to us!

A gift for your host family (if you’re staying with one).

Bringing a gift for your host family is customary for study abroad students.  After all, your host family will be helping you adjust to the culture, housing you, feeding you, and sometimes helping you with chores such as laundry, so it’s always nice to show your appreciation by arriving with a gift. Bringing something specific to your state or hometown, such as a coffee table book about your state or city, a keychain with your college’s logo, or chocolate that is only found in the US, will make a great impression on your hosts.  Just be sure to e-mail your host in advance if you choose to bring a food item to make sure that they’re not allergic.

Space in your suitcase.

Okay, so this isn’t really an item per se, but trust us—you’ll want room in your suitcase for all the things you’ll buy when you’re abroad!  Pack only the items you’ll absolutely need, because those overweight luggage fees can be a killer—often several hundred dollars—and shipping your stuff back to the States is even worse.  “When I lived in London, I found that I brought too many things, clothes in particular,” says Sean McFarland, a University of Pittsburgh alum and one of HC’s former Real Live College Guys. “I honestly wish I brought about a week's worth of clothes because while there, I bought a ton of clothes anyways. When I came home, I had to ship it all, which wasn't cheap.”  Nahja Martin, a collegiette from the University of Pittsburgh, also wished she had packed less for her study abroad experience in London.  “The worst feeling is having to put back that adorable blazer for only 10 euros because it won't fit in your suitcase!” she says.  A great way to ensure that you’ll have enough space for all the things you’ll bring back is to pack your clothes in a suitcase inside another suitcase, Russian doll-style.  That way, you’ll have a whole suitcase available for new clothes and souvenirs to bring back home.

Packing to go abroad can seem scary, but it doesn’t have to be.  With these items packed in your suitcases, now all you have to worry about is which of the cute dresses you brought will be best for relaxing at a café with that cute foreign guy you’re bound to meet.  Ooh la la!

Throughout most of my young life, I was a happy and outgoing child. Even when I started going through puberty in elementary school, I still remained upbeat, despite all those weird emotions that came with it.

It wasn’t until the fourth grade that my life changed forever.

The fourth grade was my first time having a male teacher. He was in his late forties or early fifties, but he could still somehow click with a bunch of 9- and 10-year-olds. Usually, the morning portion of class would involve class reading, where we would sit on the carpet while he read aloud.

Usually I sat wherever my friends sat, but one time I decided to sit next to my teacher. He was already on the carpet, and it was taking the class longer than usual to sit down, so I just sat down next to him. Not even 30 seconds after sitting next to him, he took his hand and started to touch my thigh, edging towards a region that he shouldn’t have been near at all.

I sat there quietly when he started reading, but my head was moving a mile a minute, and the only thing I could think was, “What just happened?!” Once he was done with the lesson, I asked to go to the bathroom to try and process what just happened. I asked myself questions like, “Why did I have to wear shorts today?” and, “Did I provoke him to do it?” and, “Is it my fault?” After a little while I went back to snack time and continued on with my day, though I wasn’t really speaking as much as I usually would.

Years later, I still ask why didn’t I tell anyone until recently. I thought at the time that it was completely my fault. But as the year went by, the amount of discomfort I got from going to class kept growing and growing.

A particularly uncomfortable day was when we had our sweet school counselor come into the class to do a lecture with a guest speaker about what to do if we are inappropriately touched. We even watched a video of a particular situation that seemed so similar to my own experience that I had to leave the classroom to calm myself down. When I returned, the class was practicing how to “say no” and leave the situation. But deep down inside, I wanted to ask them, “What if it’s too late? What if you feel like it’s your fault that it happened?”

I wish right then and there that I could have gotten the guts to tell the counselor what happened, but it was just too overwhelming to even think about. Once the fourth grade was over, I bolted out of that door and headed home, relieved that I’d never have to deal with that man ever again.

From the fifth grade to around my freshman year of high school, I repressed the event in my memory. I just went on through life as my happy and outgoing self. However, once freshman year started, I realized that the repressed memory would come out at full force through some crucial times in my high school career.

One moment that comes to mind is when I was practicing with my powder-puff team for homecoming week. Our coaches were boys from our grade, and one of them happened to be a guy I really liked. We were practicing passes, and he came from behind to help me improve my pass. Once his hand touched my arm, that memory of my teacher flooded back. I froze right then and there, and I quickly moved away from him so I could try and collect my thoughts.

I always thought that I would be fine after leaving that fourth-grade class, but the return of my repressed memory proved otherwise. In my senior year of high school, I finally decided to tell someone. My friends knew that I became tense when guys tried to hug me or to do anything intimately with me, but they thought that there wasn’t any big reasoning behind it.

One day when I was hanging out with a few of my friends after school, one of my friends convinced her boyfriend to surprise me with a hug. Again, that memory flooded back, and unlike other similar situations, this one caused me to crack pretty badly. I not only went into shock, but I also started to cry. Another friend took me out of the room and asked me if I was okay. It was then that I finally told her what happened, which of course took her by surprise.

After that day, I slowly told a few more friends about what happened when the conversation seemed appropriate. They all had the same reaction of feeling extremely sorry, and they all told me if I ever needed to talk to them they would be there for me.      

After entering my freshman year of college, I decided to start talking to a psychologist from my school’s counseling services. Though I originally made the appointment because I wanted to talk about a problem with my roommate, I ended up opening up about that day back in the fourth grade. It really helped to talk to him and to hear that it wasn’t my fault, and that I could overcome this. I even was able to tell my parents about it, and in return, they showed all the support that they could.

By sophomore year, I learned that my problem trusting males in an intimate sense was due in part to the mistrust I had for my teacher. I got help with that again at the counseling services, and now I realize that I can find someone who will be able to understand me—someone who will be willing to take a relationship nice and slow and let me become comfortable with him.

The techniques my therapist gave me were extremely useful. I’m involved with Greek life and I knew my sorority would be doing a lot of activities with different fraternities, so I wanted to make sure I knew how to react if I was in an uncomfortable situation. One technique I practiced was visualization. I would visualize scenarios that could happen at these events, and when I felt any type of anxiety, I would begin to do deep-breathing exercises until I calmed down. This was key for when I went to a semiformal and felt high anxiety over being in a room with many guys whom I didn’t know. It was so nice to be in a room with male strangers and not feel that they would try to touch me in any way.

I learned a lot since talking about my experience. I learned that events like these are common, but most of the victims are scared to tell someone that the events happened, just like I was. Once I opened up about my own experience, I learned about similar situations that had happened to my peers and even close friends, and they showed me how they got help to deal with the problems the events caused them.

I know my anxiety about being with men won’t be “cured,” but learning about what I can do to calm it down has helped me significantly. As for now, I am finally at a place where I can move on from the event. However, the thought of seeing that teacher does give me major anxiety.

By sharing my story, I want other victims to know that you don’t have to feel alone in this, and that it’s okay to talk to people about what you experienced.

Do you have a story to share? Submit your story to Her Story! 

Winter break has come to an end, so come the dark and dreary winter months spent keeping warm inside your dorm room. If you’re like me, it takes a whole lot of commitment to get to the gym through all the snow and cold. Let’s be real—even though you’ve been promising to stick to your New Year’s resolution to get in shape, your warm bed seems to take the cake over that cold walk to your early morning workout. Besides, you always have tomorrow morning to make up for this one, right?
 
Don’t fear, HC has come up with a workout routine for you, so that you never have the excuse of, “But it’s 7 below outside!” again.  So, are you lacking the motivation to hit the gym? Does the weather outside have you conjuring up the most absurd excuses to avoid your workout? Here is a butt- kicking, no-equipment-necessary exercise routine put together by Jackie Morgado, a personal trainer at Equinox Fitness in Los Angeles, that you can do in the comfort of your own dorm room!
 
HC’s DIY Dorm Room Workout
 
Upper Body
 
Tricep Dips – 2 sets of 10 repetitions
 

 
Face your back to the edge of your bed frame or desk (depending on your height), placing your arms directly behind you, grasping the ledge. Make sure your feet are shoulder-length apart on the floor, and walk your legs out to the point where your butt is far enough away from the bed or desk so that you can still balance. Slowly lower yourself until your arms reach a 90-degree angle. Raise yourself back up to the starting position, and repeat the process. You’ll have sexy, toned arms in no time!
 
Pushups – 2 sets of 12 repetitions
 

 
Leaning your body weight at an incline against your desk, place your hands in front of you, grasping the edge. Make sure your arms are shoulder-width apart and your back is flat, with your legs straight out in a hover position. Lower your body until your chest is grazing the desk, then slowly push back up. Repeat this process until the set is finished. Even though pushups seem very old school, they are very effective at strengthening your pectorals, triceps, biceps and core muscles. So, while it may seem simple, a pushup can go a long way!
 
Abs and Core
 
Jackhammer – 2 sets of 10 repetitions
 

 
This is the ultimate core workout for flattening both your upper and lower abdominal muscles. Start laying flat on the ground (use a yoga mat for more comfort if needed), hands interlaced behind your head and legs straight, slightly off the ground. In one motion, raise your back into a crunching position and pull your legs towards your chest, making sure to keep your core engaged at all times. Slowly lower your body back to starting position, pushing your legs out and down and keeping your back straight.
 
Torso-Rotation – 2 sets of 15 repetitions (twisting to both sides is one full rep)
 

 
Having strong oblique muscles, the ones on both sides of your abdominals, is essential to a toned core. This exercise specifically targets those muscles, giving you the burn you need to get that sexy, flat stomach! Start sitting on the floor with your knees bent and feet flat on the ground. Recline back to about 45 degrees, and place your arms out in front of your body. Keeping your lower body still, twist to the right and left, tapping your hands to the ground on each rotation. The farther you lean back, the harder the workout.

Lower Body
 
Step-Ups – 3 sets of 12 repetitions (completing both legs is one full rep)
 

 
Using a steady chair, place your right leg up on the seat and transfer all of your weight to your heel. Hoist yourself up, keeping all of your muscles engaged in your right leg and butt. The left leg at this time should simply be for balance. Lower yourself back down to starting position, and switch to your left leg, repeating the process. This exercise is the best way to firm up your hamstrings, and also kicks your butt into fabulous shape!

Walking Lunges – 3 sets of 10 repetitions (completing both legs is one full rep)
 

 
This exercise would most easily be done in a long hallway. Start in the standing position, with your hands at your side. In a forward motion, place one leg forward and lunge your back knee toward the ground. Be sure your front leg does not to go past a 90-degree angle. After completing one lunge, bring your back leg forward, putting your body back in starting position. Switch legs on and off until the set is complete. Your butt and thighs will be in tip-top shape after a few weeks of this exercise!
 
Cardio
 
Jumping Jacks – 2 sets of 100
 

 
Think back to elementary school. Remember how your PE teacher always started class with those dreaded jumping jacks? Well, there was a good reason for them. This exercise raises your heart rate while getting the blood flowing to every part of your body. Start with your feet together and hands by your sides in a relaxed position, standing straight up. In one fast movement bend your knees and jump up, while spreading your legs wide and raising your arms above your head at the same time. Quickly jump again, and bring your arms and legs back together to complete the jumping jack.
 
Stair Run – set of 30 stairs, 6 repetitions
 

Pull a Rocky Balboa and take advantage of the stairs in your dorm by running them for an intense cardio workout. Start at the bottom of the stairs and walk up the first full set to get your heart rate going. Once you reach the bottom starting point again, put all your effort into running up the stairs. After you’ve hit the top walk your way back down, and repeat the process. According to fitnessfatloss.com, “Running stairs has been used by athletes for decades to get a seriously tough cardiovascular workout whilst simultaneously building lower body strength...it is one of the very best ways to build strength and endurance and ensure your butt, thighs and calves look great.”If you’re feeling ambitious, try skipping every other step to get that extra leg workout.

 
Even though it doesn’t seem entirely convenient to get a rigid cardio workout going in your dorm room, Jackie insists, “Remember that cardio is a very important part of a workout. You want to do cardio two to three times a week. It is going to help you with your endurance as well as help you shed those pounds you have been trying to lose.”
 
You can do a little bit each day or split each target area into different days of the week. It would also be effective to alternate strength training with cardio. For example, Monday, Wednesday and Friday can be devoted to strengthening, while Tuesday and Thursday are your cardio days.
 
Jackie adds, “The most important thing to remember is that your body will accommodate to whatever exercise you do in 3 weeks, so making slight variations to the exercises you do will keep your body guessing and give you the results that you want to see.”
Switch up your routine by adding weight resistance to your workout. For example, carry a heavy book over your head with your back straight while doing your lunges, or hold a large water bottle during your torso-rotation exercise.
 
And, of course, always remember to stretch! See HC’s article here for some good stretches and info on the importance of stretching before and after your workout.

Sources:
Jackie Morgado – Personal Trainer at Equinox Fitness

Photo Sources:
www.womenshealthmag.com
www.shape.com
http://www.theluxuryspot.com/tag/workout/
www.seventeen.com
www.womansday.com
www.wonderingfair.com
http://www.gloss.co.nz/Health/Exercise/-Tone-Your-Butt.html

Costume changes, choreographed dances and memorizing lines— rush has more practices than a high school musical.

Rushing a sorority is a flurry of going from house to house and trying to impress the sisters, but from the sisters’ side? Rush is a carefully calculated routine of smiles, conversation starters and rotations. Here are the 15 things you’ll definitely hear a sorority girl say during rush.

1. “I didn’t think I’d ever join a sorority either!”

Yeah, okay, we’ve all said this one to the girl who didn’t quite look like she wanted to be there—even if we didn’t mean it.

2. “I really found my home away from home!”

Except our real home doesn’t have parties, catered food and 30 girls to compete with for the showers.

3. “These girls really are my sisters!”

They drive us crazy, just like real siblings do. 

4. “I’ve found my best friends and my future bridesmaids.”

Who else will hold your purse and your hair back in one night?

5. “It was so great meeting you!”

It’s great meeting everyone during rush—we are trying to find our future littles, after all!

6. “You guys, I just found my little!”

We’re going to say this on the first day of rush, and the second day of rush…

7. “We have good relations with all fraternities and sororities on campus!”

Our relations are all anybody wants to talk about—but this is the one week we CAN’T!

8. “We love getting ready together before all of the cocktails and mixers!”

Code for: I party with my sisters before, during and after functions.

9. “We really shouldn’t be talking about going out, but…”

Booze and boys are off-limits during rush conversations, but if you’re not going to drop it…

10. “We’re gonna get fined for that!”

Let a girl carry trash outside the house? Fined. Booze? Fined. Boys? Fined. Rush songs could be heard outside? Fined. 

11. “Me too!”

You like going to football games? Me too! You like underwater basket weaving? Me too! No matter what you say, I’m going to be relatable and lovely because I want you to like me as much as you want me to like you.

12. “What were you involved in in high school?”

Ah, the opener. Hopefully we’re going to hit it off when we both realize we played volleyball and I’m going to tell you about our intramural team and it’s going to be great.

13. “Our whole chapter is really close; I could tell you every girl’s first and last name.”

Umm… is that Brittany? Ashley? Maybe that’s Hannah…

14. “Why did you decide to go through recruitment?”

Another great opener question! Why are you here? Tell me about how you want sisterhood and fun, and I’ll tell you anecdotes about my sisters and the fun we have.

15. “Our chapter is actually really affordable!”

Yeah, you’re clearly going to spend a fortune—if not on the actual sorority, then on the T-shirts, food and spirit jerseys.

A weeklong marathon of smiling, repetitive conversations and no booze or boys? Do it for the littles. 

For fashion and beauty junkies, the Golden Globes is one of the biggest nights of the award show season and the 2014 event didn't disappoint! Was it just us or did everyone step up their fashion game this year? While we definitely spotted a few trends (deep side parts, red hot gowns, and baby bumps!), it was the stars’ gorgeously glam makeup and hair that caught our eye. In case you missed the red carpet action, we’ve compiled a list of our favorite beauty looks from 71^st Annual Golden Globes!

1. Lupita Nyong’o

Last night’s fashion darling also nailed it with her hair and makeup, going for a deep side-part with soft golden eyes and a glossy red lip. The makeup perfectly complemented her amazing skin tone and brought out her gorgeous features without taking away from her hot red, structured (and statement-making!) Ralph Lauren dress.

2. Olivia Wilde

This mama-to-be could not have looked more effortlessly gorgeous. Olivia paired her curve-hugging, green, sequined Gucci Première gown with easy side-swept waves and flawless skin, but the highlight of the makeup was a deep plum smoky eye that brought out her green eyes and highlighted her killer bone structure.

3. Emma Roberts

The young starlet looked gorgeous and noticeably grown-up when she opted for a more classic black smoky eye with full brows and nude lips, which looked incredible against her fair skin. She finished the look off with a deep side part, slicked back hair, and turquoise drop earrings that added a pop of color to her black Lanvin gown.

4. Sandra Bullock

While her color-blocked Prabal Gurung dress may have been a bit of a fashion flop, Sandra’s hair and makeup was anything but a disaster. The actress paired a lightly tousled low side pony with a soft brown smoky eye, flushed cheeks and the perfect shade of pink on the lips to highlight her enviable bone structure and glowing complexion.

5. Emma Watson

Her dress-with-pants combo may have polarized some fashionistas, but there’s no denying that Emma nailed it with her signature hair and makeup. The starlet rocked her usual deep side part and messy bun, leaving a few wispy pieces of hair around her ears to soften up the look. Her makeup was flawless as always, with minimal black liner, full brows and a bright pink lip that clashed (in a cool way) with her coral Christian Dior number.

Want more red carpet fashion and beauty? Check out more photos here!

Name: Jen Mozenter
Age: 25
Job Title and Description: DJ/Producer
College/Major: University of Miami/Music Business
Website: www.thejanedoze.com
Twitter Handle: @thejanedoze

Name: Claire Schlissel
Age: 24
Job Title and Description: DJ/Producer
College/Major: New York University/Communications
Website: www.thejanedoze.com
Twitter Handle: @thejanedoze

What does your current job entail? Is there such a thing as a typical day?

Jen Mozenter: My favorite part about being a DJ/producer is that there really isn’t a “typical day.” That was the major appeal to taking a leap of faith and quitting my day job. Some days we’re traveling to play a gig, other days we’re in the studio producing; it’s exciting and keeps us on our toes.

Claire Schlissel: There’s no “normal” day as a full time DJ/producer, because we never know what each day will bring—a new remix/collaboration opportunity, a tour offer, a television appearance. We spend the majority of our time in the studio or traveling; we’re away from home about two weeks of every month touring the world.

What is the best part of your job?

JM: The travel. Sometimes it’s exhausting or hard to leave home, but I’ve had the opportunity to see so many places and meet so many people because of this job. I’m eternally grateful for that. I’m especially glad to be a part of a duo. It’s nice to have a travel buddy, someone to share all these cool experiences with.

CS: Though it can be scary and unnerving at times, unpredictability makes this job the most thrilling. Waking up each morning and not knowing where you’ll be seven hours from then… it’s exciting. We’re so lucky that we get to travel the world and share those experiences with each other.
 
What was your first entry-level job in your field and how did you get it?

JM: My first entry-level job was as a digital marketing coordinator at Columbia Records. I interned at Columbia Records during my sophomore and junior years of college (in the summers), and I was also the Sony College Rep for the Miami Region. These internships definitely helped me get my foot in the door and were especially helpful when I was looking for a full-time position.

CS: I started working in the music industry when I was 18. I had just moved to NYC for school and I found an internship position at a music management company/indie record label on Craigslist.

What is one thing you wish you knew about your industry when you first started out that you know now?

JM: Like a lot of industries, the music industry is still very much a boys’ club. As a young woman, it can feel like you have to work twice as hard to prove your worth.

CS: That it’s small and it’s all about who you know. Meet as many people as possible and keep up relationships.

Which music artists influence your music and your career?

JM: I’m a sucker for pop music, so I’m heavily influenced by that genre; I listen to everything from Robyn to Katy Perry to up-and-comers like Betty Who. I’d like to think The Jane Doze walk that line between dance and pop.

CS: I grew up playing classical piano and listening to Motown (Marvin Gaye, the Four Tops, the Temptations)–quite the combo. In college I combined those influences and started producing beats. In the electronic realm, I love Robyn’s music; her pop melodies and lyrics are brilliant.

Who is one person who changed your professional life for the better?

JM: My DJ partner, Claire Schlissel. She helped reignite this creative spark in me—a desire to create music again. And ultimately, she inspired me to take the leap of faith to pursue this full time. I trusted that if I was going to be on this insane journey with anyone, she was the right person.

CS: Jen Mozenter. She’s definitely the more business-minded one, and I’m always learning from her.
 
What words of wisdom do you find most valuable?

JM: Lean into it. It’s something my mom has said to me many times. In fact, I have it tattooed in her handwriting. Basically, be present for the moment regardless of the outcome—good or bad. Just be there for it. I love that.

CS: Just the sentiment that behind every overnight success are years and years of hard work—sometimes it feels like things aren’t happening fast enough, and I have to take a step back and remember we’ve only been doing this for three years… and less than a year full time.

What has been the most surreal moment of your career thus far?

JM: There have been several, but two really stand out to me. We played at Invisible Children’s event called MOVE:DC last November. They filled the DC Convention Center with over 7,000 people. Playing to a crowd that size was a monumental moment for us; something I truly didn’t think we would ever experience... The other moment would be a couple months ago—we were the official DJs for the 2013 Halo Awards, which were broadcast live on Nickelodeon. It was surreal to be part of a nationally televised awards show.

CS: There have been a few. Chronologically, playing at Invisible Children’s MOVE:DC would be first on the list. We performed in front of thousands of kids, our biggest audience to date. It was completely surreal looking out in the crowd and not being able to see the back of the room. Next would be opening for Alesso at Rutgers last spring. There were 7,000 kids going nuts in the school’s gym and yelling for an encore when we finished… while the headliner waited backstage. It was incredible.

What do you look for when considering hiring someone?

JM: You have to look for people who truly share your vision and passion and are willing to work hard with you, someone who will hustle on behalf of your shared vision. Don’t settle until you find that.

CS: “The team” is so important—it makes or breaks an artist. We’re still working on building that “right” group of people. We look for drive, dedication, creativity, street smarts and loyalty, to name a few qualities.

What advice would you give to a 20-something with similar aspirations?

JM: Go for it! Two specific pieces of advice:

1. Spend a lot of time listening to other artists and work on developing your unique sound. You want people to listen to your work, sets, etc. and know that it’s you and not someone else.

2. The key to our success thus far has been the work we’ve put into developing our social media platforms and building relationships with fans. It’s so important to make time to interact with and appreciate your fans. We believe in creating a community, a place where fans can interact with us and one another. 

CS: If you have the means to support yourself for a period of time, or can move back home if need be, drop everything and go after what you want. The only regret you’ll have is not trying in the first place.

Sunday was the 71^st annual Golden Globe Awards, and it was a fantastic night for movies and television, as well as couture. Here are the starlets that we thought really lit up the red carpet.

1. Margot Robbie

The Wolf of Wall Street actress looked gorgeous in a cream silk Gucci gown embroidered with crystal and emerald.

2. Taylor Swift

Taylor looked adorable in this pink-and-black Carolina Herrera number.

3. Uma Thurman

Uma stunned in a custom-made Atelier Versace gown with Swarovski crystal beading.

4. Zoe Saldana

We loved Zoe’s unique black-and-pink fitted dress by Prabal Gurung.

5. Amy Adams

The American Hustle star rocked her red low-necked Valentino gown.

6. Sarah Hyland

The Modern Family actress looked like a princess in her pink Georges Hobeika gown.

7. Leslie Mann

We adored the peplum skirt of Leslie’s simple Dolce & Gabbana gown.

8. Allison Williams

We give the Girls actress props for donning this modern white-and-black floor-length dress.

Remember that time you studied abroad? Oh, how you miss it so!

But wait, it doesn’t have to be over just yet!

There are ways to relive your abroad experience every day (and to relentlessly remind everyone around you about that experience)!  

You can begin each day with a croissant spread with Nutella, just like what you always ate for breakfast when you were in Paris.

Because—as you’ll tell everyone—your love for Nutella is boundless now that you’ve been to Europe. 

Follow that up with a mid-morning cappuccino—even though no one in America will ever be able to master cappuccino art like those Italians!

And, of course, a day won’t be complete without the afternoon tea you’ve become accustomed to since you spent time in London.

Be sure to drink wine constantly,

as Europe has made you a wine connoisseur and wine is now a very important part of your life. 

Only order foreign beer when you’re out on the town (How could you ever drink a Bud Light again after experiencing European beer?).

Once in a while, “accidentally” ask about prices in Euros instead of dollars, as in, “How many Euros does that cost?” because you’re just so used to talking about money in Euros.

And be sure to mention afterwards how great it is to not have to convert Euros to dollars anymore.

Slip some of the slang you picked up abroad into conversation, since it comes so naturally to you now.

Frequently complain about how all your shoes got ruined by those European cobblestones.

Wear that scarf you bought from a street vendor in Spain as often as possible, so when people ask where it’s from, you can say, “Oh, I got it in Europe.”

Tell everyone about how much more fun the clubs were abroad.

Complain to anyone who will listen about having to do “actual” work now that you have “real” classes again. Unlike when you were in Europe.

It may be over now but, lucky for you, you’ll always have your memories of your time abroad…

…and Instagram, so you can throwback to your abroad experience each and every Thursday with: “Ugh, missing abroad life so much! #tbt”

1. You tear up just thinking about how much you missed your roommate over winter break, and your reunion is nothing short of movie-scene-worthy.

2. You’re actually looking forward to your first day of classes so you can show off your new outfits...

...and scope out the cuties in your new classes.

3. Syllabus week feels like Christmas came twice.

4. This is going to be the semester you get a 4.0, you can feel it!

5. Unless you worked over break or scored some major cash from your grandparents for the holidays, your wallet is probably feeling a lot lighter after fall semester.

6. You’re still going strong with your New Year’s resolutions, so you sign up for the 7 a.m. spinning class that “will be totally worth it!”

7. You meet someone who hates your history professor as much as you do and you wonder where she has been all of your life.

8. You picked out your next boyfriend on the first day of class, but you start to realize that maybe he has other ideas.

9. You thought you had rested up over winter break, but before you know it, you’re back to being a zombie.

10. One late-night pizza run later, your New Year’s diet goes down the drain.

11. Valentine’s Day can make or break the whole month of February.

12. Unless you’re lucky enough to go to a school in a warmer climate, you're debating actually moving to Mexico.

13. Summer feels SO far away... until you have to figure out a summer internship.

14. You made it to the first four weeks of spinning, so, A for effort, right?

15. All you can think about for the entire month of February is spring break...

16. ...but you realize that you may not have left yourself enough time to get the bikini body you’ve been dreaming of.

17. You expect to come back from your spring break tanner and rejuvenated, but you have a test the day you get back to school.

18. You studied for like an hour last night, so the bar sounded like a great idea. Sorry, GPA.

19. You love your roommate, but your hallmates rudely remind you of the noisiness joys of cohabitation.

20. You run out of clean clothes, laundry money and motivation. So sweatpants it is!

21. You thought you got enough family time over winter break, but you start to miss your annoying little sister. A lot.

22. Every holiday becomes a desperate excuse for celebration. St. Patrick’s Day? Absolutely! April Fool’s Day? Sure, why not?

23. And once it finally looks like this outside, you say goodbye to any productivity.

24. When summer finally comes, you never want to leave.

Have a great second semester, collegiettes!

So your love life is starting to turn sour. Hey, it happens—don’t rely on Nicholas Sparks for an accurate depiction of romance. But although things may be going haywire, you don’t have to give up just yet. Here are five signs you’re damaging your own relationship as well as how to fix it!

1. You Don’t Trust Him Around Other Girls

Unless he’s given you a reason not to trust him around females (in which case, you’re probably better off without him anyways), you need to chill, girl. Jealousy is just a petty and unattractive emotion—it makes you look insecure, and who wants to be with someone who’s not comfortable with herself?

If you’re having trouble trusting your guy, it could be because you were hurt in a past relationship. “Many women carry baggage from previous relationships,” says Adam LoDolce, dating coach and founder of Sexy Confidence. “In other words, they've been cheated on in the past, so they assume it will happen again.”

Bringing your old relationship issues into this one isn’t fair to your current guy. “The hard part is not letting past grievances be heaped on someone who had nothing to do with your old stuff,” says dating coach Margie Burciaga. Try to let go of your past and give this relationship a chance. Not every guy has bad intentions.

2. You’re Constantly on His Case

“PLEASE don’t leave your toothbrush on the counter, how many times have I asked you?”
“Babe, you’ve worn that hoodie three days in a row now.”
“Can you not put your shoes in the middle of the floor? We’ve been over this.”
“Don’t you have homework you should be doing?”

OMG GIRL, STOP IT. Nobody likes to be nagged! “Nagging him doesn't enhance special feelings about you, it makes him feel inadequate,” says online dating expert Gina Stewart. “Who wants to be with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves?”

Remember when your mom used to bug you about cleaning your room or getting your homework done or picking up after yourself, and you felt annoyed? You’re being his mom now—and he doesn’t like it. He wants a girlfriend, not an extra mommy. So relax.

If something is really bugging you, bring it up nicely and with a smile. “State what you want and why it’s important, then give space for an answer and take what he says at face value, along with listening to what he says,” Burciaga says. “Men generally tell you exactly where they are coming from.”

3. You Always Want to Hang Out With Him

When you find someone really cool, sometimes we ladies have a tendency to get—well, dependent, to put it nicely. If you find yourself getting furious when he turns down your near-frantic “Can we hang out?” inquiries, then you know you’ve crossed over to clingy.

“When a woman is too clingy and expecting to get all of her excitement and validation from constantly being with her man, it slowly chokes the life out of the relationship,” says Marla Martenson, a matchmaker, author and motivational speaker.

The truth is harsh, but it’s this: nothing will make a guy ditch you faster than your overbearingness. Who likes to feel smothered? That’s right—no one. So try to back off a little.

“Not giving him space—this is a result of not having your own friends and life,” LoDolce says. “He won't want a life with you unless you have a life without him. Pursue a passion, get a hobby, grab drinks with your girlfriends.”

4. You Overanalyze Everything

How many times have you read a text over and over, trying to decipher exactly what it meant? Or maybe you’ve replayed a scene in your head a thousand times, trying to break it down further and further. You worry and obsess about every little thing he says or does—and that’s not healthy.

“Guys are generally pretty straightforward–they tell it like it is,” says Laurie Davis, founder and CEO of eFlirt Expert. “There is no reading between the lines. But women overanalyze everything and often think there is a greater meaning to everything he says. Ultimately, overanalyzing can push him away entirely.”

So, what’s the solution? Actually talking to your guy rather than stressing over what you think he might have meant. “Open communication is always best, so if you’re ever unsure of what he means when he says something, ask!” Davis says.

5. Your Expectations Are Too High

Are you one of those girls who have lengthy lists of every quality their ideal man must possess? “In budding relationships, I often observe women building up a guy or a relationship up before it’s really anything tangible,” says Davis. “But when you do this, he will never live up to your expectations. Fantasies are not reality.”

So take a breather and burn that list, because finding a man without flaws is impractical. Love isn’t always like your fave romance movie; in fact, it’s usually not.

Also, don’t get ahead of yourself (i.e., don’t start asking him about what kind of father he’d be on the fourth date). “Keep two feet planted on the ground,” Davis says. “It’s okay to think about him, but try to reminisce over something he said or did on your last date rather than imagining what it will feel like to walk down the aisle together.”

If you’re engaging in any of the above behaviors, your relationship could be in trouble. But listening to the advice of these experts should make fixing your problems relatively easy! Channel your inner superwoman and be proactive about your problems. After all, this relationship may just be worth saving.

You've finally narrowed down a few of your favorite colleges, and after stacking your desk high with college brochures, you're ready to take the next step. It's time to take a college tour! You have done everything right so far, from juggling extracurriculars to acing your SATs, so why risk your reputation at your future alma mater by committing a faux pas on your next visit? Here are a few pitfalls to avoid when you tour the college of your choice.

1. Ask how much the college costs

All the tuition information you need about a college can be found on its website or in one of those nifty free pamphlets. It's no secret that higher education can be expensive, but there's no need for you to bring up the college's price tag in the middle of a tour.

Elizabeth Schmitt, a freshman at Mount Holyoke, went on over 15 college tours and remembers hearing this question often.

“In almost every one, some person just had to ask,” she said. “The reaction was always very awkward.”

Instead of focusing on the cost of attendance, try considering the fun, free aspects of a school. Many universities offer benefits to their students such as free entrance to athletic events, free tutoring and counseling, and social events. Ask your guide about those!

As for specific cost questions, direct those to the financial aid office. College websites and brochures can only give rough estimates of tuition, room and board, and fees. The ultimate cost will depend on your family's finances and financial need, so even if a guide wanted to give you an accurate number, they couldn't. Set up a meeting with the financial aid office to go over all the details.

2. Take your girlfriends with you

As tempting as it can be to visit an intimidating college campus with your three best girlfriends in tow for moral support, college is all about becoming your most fabulous, independent self. You won't get the most out of your tour if you're spending it catching up on gossip with your girls or making plans for next weekend.

“If you're having a good time with your friends, it may sway your view as to how you really feel toward the college,” said Kristen Pye, a sophomore at McGill University. “It's best to just take a parent or two.”

Also, input from friends could end up affecting your decision. If they all hate the school but you're loving it, you could be tempted to cross it off your list of potentials. Make sure you choose your school for you, not for your friends.

3. Rely solely on the tour guide

Tour guides are trained to know everything there is to know about the school they're promoting, but there's one part of the college visit that's all on you — getting the most out of your visit. You only have a small window to get an impression of the school you're interested in, so be sure to take advantage of your time there.

If possible, go to the dining hall and have a meal there. Check out the campus fitness center and get a guest pass so you can see what the facility has to offer. There's nothing like a soak in the hot tub or a walk around the track to take the edge off a long day of driving to and from campus.

Walk through the library and try out a computer in the lab at the student union. Grab a coffee at a nearby cafe and talk to students about their experiences. Get everything out of your next trip to campus by witnessing a day in the life firsthand.

4. Let your parents run the tour

You love good old Mom and Dad, but if that one time you were late for curfew taught you anything, you know they have a tendency to ask way too many questions. As much as you want their support on your next campus visit, you have to remember that you will be the one attending classes and making memories there for the next four years.

“Talk to them beforehand and discuss what they would like to know about a school,” Zowie Hayes, a sophomore and tour guide at the University of Maine, said. “It's completely okay for parents to ask questions, but it's nice to see students who are willing to take charge of their future.”

5. Forget to do your research

Just as you wouldn't go to an interview knowing nothing about the company you want to work at, you wouldn't visit a college knowing nothing about what they have to offer. Do your homework. University websites are always a good bet for information, but don't be afraid to talk to your prospective school's recruiting center or residence hall association for a more personal approach.

Hayes suggests learning about the school you're about to visit and writing down a list of questions you have. Bring the list with you just in case you forget them when your guide leaves space for questions at the end of the tour.

“Look around at what they have to offer for the programs that you're interested in, look and see what their dining plans look like and look at a sample menu, and maybe see what other things they have going on that interest you,” says Hayes.

6. Trash-talk on the tour

Maybe you've been dragged along by a girlfriend (who didn't read tip two) or maybe you've discovered that after all the effort to get there, you don't like the college you find yourself visiting. That's no excuse to talk trash about a school that other pre-collegiettes are dying to attend. Don't ruin the tour for everyone else by being negative.

Katie Deegan has been a tour guide at the University of Maine for three years, and urges students and parents alike to park preconceived notions in the visitor lot.

“Keep an open mind and try to keep your parents' minds open, too,” she said. “Definitely avoid going in thinking you know everything about the college.”

7. Lose focus

With bucketfuls of information being thrown at you in a short amount of time, it's easy to let your mind wander a bit. Remember that this may be the only chance you have to experience a school firsthand before taking the leap into freshman year, so pay attention!

“When I have to answer a question I just answered, it tells me that my tour isn't listening,” Katie said. “It's like they aren't really interested in my school and they are just going through the motions.”

While it's only human to miss hearing a fact or two, if you get confused during a tour and think you might have missed something, Katie suggests waiting for a lull to ask the guide to repeat the information to keep the tour moving.

“Keep your active listening on for the entire tour and you will get more information and a better idea if this school is right for you,” she said.

Consider taking notes along the way and remember that the tour is your best chance to get a preview of the school before you take the leap into freshman year.

8. Be afraid of asking 'stupid' questions

Teachers have told us since middle school that there is no such thing as a stupid question. This holds true for college visits, too. It's likely that your campus tour guide has heard every question in the proverbial book, but that doesn't mean it's any less important. Their job is to answer your questions, big or small, to the best of their ability. It's better to ask the 'stupid' questions now than to wait until you're a semester in and have no idea where the best dining hall is.

“If you're wondering something you should ask about it, it's probably important on some level,” Hayes says. “Tour guides aren't there to judge, they're there to provide whatever information that you need.”

9. Ask about the party scene

With all you've heard about crazy college parties and the excitement of living somewhere other than under your parents' roof, it's no wonder you're curious about the party scene. However, your college tour is not the appropriate time or place to get to the bottom of this essential question.

Just like attending college parties, asking about them can wait until you're enrolled. There is much more to a college than its party scene. During the tour, ask about the organizations and activities offered on campus instead of dwelling on how much cheap beer you'll be able to find. Tour guides are hired by the college to give a positive impression of the school that even parents will approve of, so they aren't likely to rave about the nightlife even if it's fantastic.

If you want to know what the party scene at your future school is like and how to find the best bash on campus, check out HC's Pre-Collegiette Guide or head over to Unigo, a free site that lets you search thousands of colleges and read reviews on the social life from students themselves!

10. Bring your boyfriend

Similar to the no-friends rule, bringing your boyfriend along, as cute as he may be, can influence your decision about which college is right for you. Also, having him there could distract you from the whole reason you're there ? to learn about the school!

Chelsea Evans, Director of Operations at Her Campus, accompanied her younger sister on a visit to the University of Miami this year. She witnessed an obnoxious pair of lovebirds who clearly weren't taking in much information. “It seemed like some girl brought her boyfriend along on the school tour and they were holding hands and kissing the entire time,” she said. “I'd say excessive PDA on a tour is definitely a no-no!”

Leave your main squeeze at home and be the independent pre-collegiette we know you are. Chances are you'll have more fun if you experience this adventure on your own, without anyone else's opinions — or roamin' hands — affecting your choices.

How are your campus visits going?  What other don'ts have you seen in your travels? Sound off below.

The biggest benefit of applying to college early decision or early action is finding out whether or not you’ve been accepted to your top choice school as soon as possible. So few things are more frustrating than going through the effort of writing the perfect college essay and taking standardized tests months before your friends only to receive an email saying, “Your application has been deferred.”

Getting deferred means the college is postponing its admissions decision and will review your application with the regular-decision applicants. You’ll find out in the spring if you’ve been accepted or rejected. You haven’t been accepted yet, but you haven’t been rejected yet either, so what do you do?

Here’s a step-by-step guide on what to do if you get that dreaded, ambiguous email.

1. Treat yourself.

If you got into your dream school, you might have had plans to go out to dinner with your parents to celebrate. If you got rejected from your dream school, maybe you had plans to wallow in your sorrows by having movie night with the girls. But if you weren’t accepted and you weren’t rejected, what is there to do?

We recommend doing something special anyway, like a trip to your favorite restaurant or a girls’ night. You should treat yourself for all the hard work you put into your application, and give yourself a pick-me-up from the disappointment of not receiving a definite answer.

2. Review your options.

Once you’ve treated yourself a little, it’s time to think about your future. You probably applied early decision or early action because you knew which school was your first choice.  That was a few months ago. Now it’s time to reconsider your options.           

“Sometimes if you don’t get into a school, it’s for the best,” says Liz, a collegiette from Syracuse University. “The college may have recognized you wouldn’t be a good fit, and that you’d be better off somewhere else.”

Of course, you didn’t not get into the school, which why getting deferred is so frustrating. But for now, pretend you didn’t get in. What’s your next choice?

It’s important to have a back-up plan. Make sure you’ve completed and sent in your other applications.  If you haven’t applied to a safety school, now’s the time to look at colleges with rolling admissions. These are schools that review applications as soon as they receive them.  Many will accept applications through the spring. Since these schools generally give decisions within a few weeks, you might be able to get some quick assurance that you’ll have somewhere to go next fall. Here are some colleges with late deadlines you could apply to.

3. Visit the school you were deferred from (if possible).         

There are two advantages to visiting (or re-visiting) the school you were deferred from. First, visiting a school is one of the best ways to decide if a school is right for you. You might notice things that make you realize you’re not as crazy about that school as you thought you were, and you really dodged a bullet by not getting in. Or you might fall in love with the school all over again and be motivated to give the school new information about why you’d be their perfect student. 

Another advantage of visiting the school is the possibility of talking with someone from admissions. Contact the admissions office to see if your school considers personal interviews when making decisions. “Sometimes a college or university may want to interview the applicant before rendering a final decision,” says Mark Wells, assistant dean for undergraduate admissions at the University of Rochester. Having an interview is a good way to show your continued interest in a school and, if possible, provide them with new information.

If you have time, try to visit other colleges as well, especially your safety and match colleges that you hadn’t spent much time exploring before. You might find yourself getting more excited about these schools, which will ease the disappointment of having to wait for a decision from your top choice.

4. Ask the admissions officer how you can improve your chances.

Don’t assume that making a huge, flashy gesture will impress the admissions committee. This plea to Yale for a college acceptance, a YouTube video that has had more than 40,000 views, didn’t lead to its desired outcome. It’s best to find out what supplementary information (such as additional test scores or new recognitions) your top school wants, if any.

“Supplementary materials can be helpful, but beware of overloading admission officers with too much superfluous information,” Wells says. “Contact the Office of Admission to find out what their preference is—answers will vary among institutions.” Admissions officers already have a lot to look at, and you don’t want to waste their time with repetitive or irrelevant information.

Many colleges will tell you they want new information. They’ve already seen your application, so they know your accomplishments. Have you recently won a notable award or received a special honor? Did you retake a standardized test and got a much better score? Then you probably have information that could help your application. Find out who reviews your application by calling the admissions office, and send this representative a polite, concise e-mail explaining who you are and describing your recent accomplishments.

5. Keep your grades up.

Hopefully you would be doing this anyway, but now, maintaining good grades is even more important if you want to show the college why they should admit you in the spring.

“Mid-year grades and updated test scores are the most often cited reasons for wanting to defer ED applicants to regular decision,” Wells says. “Improving one’s grades (or maintaining current improvement) often helps improve one’s chances for admission.”

While grades aren’t the only reason you may have been deferred, there’s nothing like a row of Ds and Fs to convince an admissions committee you’re not right for their school. Check out these tips for rocking your AP courses.

6. Stop worrying

Once you’ve done these steps, there’s nothing more you can do, so stop stressing! The decision is out of your hands, and besides, where you go to school isn’t as big of a choice as it may seem. Stop worrying about college and enjoy your last few months of high school.

Waiting is hard, especially if you were expecting to “just know already!” by now, but if you use this waiting time productively, you’re sure to end up somewhere great.