You deserve nothing less than the best, right? Cue every person in your life who knows of your utter fabulousness: Right. No ifs, ands or buts. Which is why you should ditch your dude if he’s been acting kinda shady (“…ain’t callin’ me baby…”— Beyoncé makes every situation better). Here are 11 different kinds of behaviors you should avoid at all costs in a guy, due to the fact that you just shouldn’t have to deal with them. Period.
1. You’re his go-to booty call
It’s a nationwide epidemic among American men of all ages: Booty Call Syndrome. Those inflicted are addicted to the notion of late-night shags sans emotional attachment. Usually, these guys are smooth talkers with perfectly white smiles and endless witty jokes to dish out (puke).
“Booty calls are too good for you,” says Marla Martenson, a matchmaker, author and motivational speaker. “Save your respect for a guy who deserves it.”
So if that man texts you past 11 p.m. and asks you to come “cuddle” one more time, drop him faster than he can even try to deny his womanizing habits.
2. He’s constantly bad-mouthing his ex
You met him at a party, and he seemed decent enough. But after a few text exchanges, he suddenly can’t stop talking about how awful his ex-girlfriend is (“She’s crazy and totally evil! Seriously!! Worse than Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove!!!”).
“If he can't stop talking trash about his ex, he would do the same to you,” Martenson says.
If he’s hung up on a previous chick’s “evil” deeds, perhaps it’s time to break it to him that now’s just not the right time for you two to start something (and it never will be, but keep that part to yourself). And be sure to break the news very, very gently.
3. He’s secretive (and weird about it)
Every time you go out with this guy, you have a great time—until he pulls out his phone and tries to cover up the name of the person he’s texting. Um, what’s up with that?
“[You’re] obviously not the only woman in his life,” says matchmaker and dating coach Suzanne K. Oshima.
Fact: If you think he’s concealing something, he probably is. Sketchy behavior usually happens because of something… well, sketchy in his life. Rather than try to pry the info out of him, move on. No girl should have to deal with the painful anxiety about what he may be hiding.
4. He never sends the first text
It’s so freakin’ frustrating—you’re always the one to text him first. Always!
“A man who is interested in you will always want to contact you,” Oshima says. “A woman shouldn't have to try so hard.”
We second that—if he wanted you, he’d let you know. So give up the hunt, because this guy ain’t gonna be captured. And that’s okay. Camo’s not that flattering, anyway.
5. He thinks the world revolves around him
You’re in the middle of describing how much you adore hot yoga when he (rudely) interrupts and shifts the subject focus onto him.
“A guy that has no interest in what you have to say is a guy to cut loose,” Martenson says.
If he’s spacing out whenever the topic of conversation relates to you or your passions, it’s time to say goodbye to the dude who only cares about himself (ew).
6. He can’t control his anger
It’s been a lovely dinner date so far. Your chicken Caesar salad was to die for, and your date is charming, funny and totally sweet. That is, until he starts yelling at the waiter when your strawberry shortcake arrives after 10 minutes (yeah—only 10. WTF?).
“A guy that doesn't respect others won't respect you,” Martenson says.
If he’s a total d-bag to everyone around you, it’s time to say buh-bye to that guy. Besides, that waiter was actually kind of cute…
7. He disappears during school breaks
You guys are totally tight when you’re up at school together (he lives across the hall from you—so perf!), but when summer break hits, he suddenly goes MIA. You’re completely baffled—was he kidnapped?
“He probably has someone else on the side,” Oshima says.
If he hasn’t responded to your texts or calls after a week, it’s safe to assume this dude is done. Time to check out the cuties in your hometown (summer flings are so fun!).
8. He doesn’t get along with your friends
You just have this inkling that he’s got a problem with your roommate. He looks annoyed and becomes weirdly quiet whenever she’s around. You confront him about it, and yeah, you were right—he hates your best friend (who happens to be an all-around awesome person).
“If he has negative things to say about your friends, there will always be a conflict,” Martenson says.
Let’s face it: if he can’t get along with your soul sister(s), he’ll never really get along with you—you’ll always be bothered by the fact that he has an issue with your posse. It’s best to not engage in anything romantic with this one.
9. He’s a total flake
He said he’d pick you up for the movie date you had planned together at precisely 8 p.m. It’s now 8:45 p.m., and he hasn’t answered any of your texts or calls. The movie started 15 minutes ago and you’re totally pissed (which you should be).
“A man can say anything he wants, but it's important to watch his actions over his words,” Oshima says. “The right man for you will follow through and do what he says.”
So if he has a history of breaking his promises, no matter what they are—bid your farewell to the fellow who can’t keep his word.
10. He never wants to go on actual dates with you
He’s always down to watch a movie at his place… with the lights off. In his bed. How convenient (cue the emoji with the disapproving, you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me face).
If you’re in this situation, Oshima says, “He's just using [you] and doesn't really want a relationship.”
The Stay Insider is a distant cousin of the Booty Caller (SI’s are much more subtle than BC’s—they’ll try really hard to make you think they have good intentions, but don’t be fooled!). Kick that guy to the curb, which is where he belongs. Sneaky snake.
11. He always contacts you at the last minute
He calls you to see if you want to catch your school’s rendition of West Side Story with him—five minutes before the show starts.
“No girl wants to be a man's second choice,” Oshima says. “Know your self-worth.”
If he always hits you up at the last minute, chances are, you’re not his number-one interest. So screw him, because you deserve to be number one.
There are so many great guys out there (cliché, we know—but it’s true). It takes a little digging, but they do exist. In the meantime, recognize when you’re just too awesome for that dude, and move on! You have better things to focus on.