While we spend our semesters learning about politics, nutritional, literature or, God forbid, economics, what about the classes that would really help us? If every college offered these classes, we’d actually be excited to come back from break.
1. Getting to Class in 10 Minutes When You Just Woke Up
Sleeping through your alarm is a constant battle when you’re pulling all-nighters studying. Getting ready before 9 a.m. is essentially impossible. Someone get a wizard to teach this class, because the only way we see it happening is apparition.
2. Finding a Husband-Worthy Man Among Frat Jerks
We’ve always heard about married couples meeting in college, yet you can’t seem to get past one game of flip cup before a guy in a polo and cargo shorts is expecting a makeout sesh (at the least). Could someone please direct us to the fraternity of manners?
3. Getting More Likes on Your Facebook Profile Picture
No matter how cute you look in your latest upload, you just can’t compete with the girl on your floor with 231 likes. Teach us your ways, sensei.
4. Staying Warm Yet Looking Hot
Whether it’s runs in your tights or losing your parka at the campus bar, dressing warm and going out never go hand-in-hand. Winter weather, why won’t you let us look cute?
5. Getting Along With a Roommate You Secretly Despise
Who let you sign that lease last year? Terrible mistake. But now you’ve got to endure another many months with your current roomie. SOS.
6. Losing 15 Pounds Without Exercising
The freshman 15 seems to have snuck its way into your life, but the fitness center just isn’t your jam. You don’t even own running shoes! Whoops. Where’s an easy out when you need it?
7. How to Successfully Avoid Your Class Readings
While avoiding class readings can be done consciously, why can’t we pass the class without the strenuous 100-page-per-night assignments? We need a class that teaches us how—hopefully one without textbooks.
8. Doing Laundry Without Getting Lazy
You need fresh undies, but the trek to and from the machines is practically a nightmare. Not to mention the horrible machines provided by campus housing and old apartment complexes. Life was so much simpler when we had our parents to do it for us.
9. Watching a 50-Minute TV Episode in 20 Minutes
Breaks between classes are only so long. Try as we may to skip the annoying theme songs and the side-character storylines, Netflix episodes just never finish in time.
If someone could forward this to the dean, we’d really appreciate a curriculum update.