We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I became really close friends with this guy at school. We would study for biology together, go get froyo with his roommate and just hang out a lot. At first I didn't think much of it, but then I started to have feelings for him. A couple of weeks ago, I started to fall asleep in his room and we would cuddle constantly. He even stayed up with me to watch the Blood Moon. A couple of days ago, he kissed me for the first time, but since then, he's been a little more distant. I kissed him again, but he really didn't seem to respond to it. I don't know if I should continue what we've been doing or go back to everything being platonic. What should I do? –Feelings for a Friend at Fordham
Fordham,
Ahhh, the Blood Moon… is that what kids are doing for romance these days?
I’m kidding, of course, but in all honesty, your situation isn’t that uncommon in the collegiate realm. Sometimes we do things and regret them. Sometimes we kiss someone and just don’t feel the fireworks. Sometimes making out with a friend is a really, really bad idea.
Of course, I have to admit that I’m a little confused. He didn’t respond to it? What exactly counts as a response? Was he supposed to kiss you harder? Was he supposed to stare deeply into your eyes and whisper sweet nothings to you? Look, Fordham, I love a good kiss as much as anyone else, but sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. It’s totally possible for a kiss to just take place and not impact the course of history.
Him “not responding” to your kiss doesn’t tell me that he’s not interested in you. It doesn’t really tell me anything, really. Add in other things like him not talking to you as much, you two not hanging out like you used to, him just straight-up ignoring you… then I could tell you that he’s not interested in you like that.
And even if he’s not interested in you like that, what can you do? Sometimes you just have to accept it and move forward. Given what you've told me, I can't say for certain if the guy is still into you, but if I had to make an assumption, I'd say that he just didn't feel what he thought he was going to feel when he kissed you.
If, on the fifty-fifty chance that he didn’t feel that physical chemistry with you, it’s likely that he just doesn’t want to ruin your friendship and doesn’t know how to communicate that lack of connection without hurting you. I mean, hey, you may not even be hurt by it, but he doesn’t know that for sure. For all he knows, you might be devastated by this news!
From this point, you have to figure out if this whole thing is worth chasing. If you really like this guy, ask him what's going on. We can't read your mind. At the same time, he can't expect you to read his mind, so if he's not feeling anything, then he needs to be a little more upfront about it. It's tricky, but all this situation needs is a little bit of communication.
Until he gives you a definitive sign of being uninterested, my suggestion is to just carry on. The guy might just react differently to kisses than you and me.