As if flirting weren’t already hard enough, perfecting the art of texting guys could be an Olympic sport! Finding the balance between overbearing and overly casual can be difficult. Not to mention, boys basically speak their own language, so trying to decipher what the heck they’re saying via text is an uphill battle. But there are a few tricks of the trade that make texting guys a little easier. Here are some tips you should follow to hold your own on your phone!
1. Be confident
Whoever said never text a guy first was so wrong. Sure, you shouldn’t have to always start the conversation, but putting yourself out there and getting things started shows confidence.
It can be hard to find a good conversation starter, but the “what’s up?” line has literally zero pizzazz. Being bold can be really attractive to guys, and it sets you apart by making you memorable. Whatever your flirting style is, it’s important to step up to the plate and do your best to hit a home run in texting.
“Some fun ways to flirt include, ‘Can’t stop thinking about last night,’ or, ‘I think I’m blushing today.’ This will show him that you’re attracted to him, and he’ll feel flattered,” says Julie Spira, dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert.
You are awesome, and you have no reason to be nervous about texting a guy. Plus, you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take, right? Be confident in yourself and it’ll come across in your texts, making him want you even more.
2. Play it cool
It’s exciting if you’re hitting it off with your crush, but being overly eager is sometimes a red flag for guys. Don’t overwhelm him with novels about your day when he asks how you’re doing. And definitely don’t bombard him with texts if he’s not responding. Double-texting is every guy’s worst nightmare, and you don’t want to come off as desperate or needy, because that’s so not you!
However, please don’t get caught up in trying to play some sort of waiting game to reel him in.
“As far as rules on when to return a text, don’t sit and bite your fingers counting the hours to pretend you’re not available,” Spira says. “If you hear from him and have your phone handy, respond in a reasonable time. This means within a few minutes to one hour. A study from online dating sites ChristianMingle.com and JDate showed that a reasonable response time is one hour or one to three hours. Anything after that sends a message that you’re really not that interested.”
Just be calm, cool and collected, and he’ll be sure to want more.
3. Less is more
An occasional smiley face is one thing, but making a picture story out of emojis is just a little bit excessive. As a rule of thumb, if you think you’re overdoing it, you probably are. Boys aren’t usually as expressive as girls, and, “OMG cool!!!!!!” may seem like enthusiasm to you, but can come off as crazy to guys. Just keep it casual and use emoticons sparingly.
“When it comes to texting and flirting, I always believe that less is more,” Spira says. “If you already have a texting relationship, sending a sweet text saying, ‘Hope you’re having a great day’ or, ‘thinking of you’ will cheer him up while he’s at work. The reason I like to include the word ‘great’ is that most guys have a positive reaction to that word. They’d like to think you’d have a great time with him and that you’re a happy person.”
You can always feel out his texting style and go off of that. But at least for starting things off, hold off on the dancing girl and hair-flip emojis every other text. Texting is an art form, and much like you don’t want to splatter-paint all over the Mona Lisa, it’s not necessary to riddle your conversation with emojis and explanation points.
But of course, when you feel that calling for a specific emoji, it’s okay to fall to temptation. They are tempting and basically the perfect form of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Just try to avoid emoticon overdose.
4. Let him do the texting
Flirting through texts doesn’t have to be some big puzzle. The best way to keep a conversation going is by actually having things to talk about. Ask him simple questions that will make him want to talk. Boys are just like us – they love talking about themselves. It gives you a chance to know him and breaks the ice by basically forcing him to text you back. Giving him open-ended questions keeps the convo flowing, and he’ll enjoy answering them.
However, “remember, guys don’t multitask typically the way that women do, so don’t get upset about quick text messages,” Spira says. “If you want to have a conversation, it’s best to pick up the phone.”
Still, don’t fall prey to fangirling over him and not getting a word in edgewise. He should be asking questions about you, too!
5. Know when to end it
It can be hard trying to wrap up a conversation, but the first step is being able to realize when the convo is fizzling out. If he’s starting to send one-word answers or is taking way too long to text back, then it’s probably time to call it quits. Make a graceful exit with a little bit more than just a. “see you later” or, “talk to you soon” text that still somehow leaves him wanting more. Try to conclude it with the possibility of making future plans.
“Who knows? It might turn into a date that night,” Spira says.
Leave it open for other conversations. Tell him why you have to go or that you’re excited to see him again. And if he responds back, let him have the last word and leave him wanting more.
6. Don’t overanalyze it
There is nothing worse than the “k” kiss of death. It’s like a punch in the gut, and our world comes spiraling down around us. But sometimes we overreact to what in reality was probably a quick text while he was distracted by something else or about to head into the gym. And we know what it’s like to stare at your phone waiting for a response. Why didn’t he text you back? Does he not like you? Is something wrong?
Maybe he just forgot to answer. Maybe he lost his phone. And before you know it, you’ve convinced yourself he was kidnapped by a gang and his phone is at the bottom of a lake. Chances are he’s busy or he forgot to text you back.
“Remember that guys often will respond to a text with a one-word or two-word answer. These may include, ‘ok,’ ‘great’ or ‘hang on,’” Spira says. “Guys don’t really want to see a novel on their mobile phones, so keep it brief to keep him interested. Long-winded text messages appear like heavy drama to a guy, so don’t think he’s not interested if you suggest a place to meet and provide the address and he responds with, ‘too far’ or, ‘sounds good.’”
And don’t torture yourself reading into every text he sends. Texts can be hard to decipher, and you can’t hear his tone, which can really stink. But you’re gonna drive yourself crazy overanalyzing the conversation. Just let it happen!
7. Be yourself
When it comes down to it, even though you’re letting your thumbs do the talking, you should still be acting like yourself. There’s no point in playing games because you can’t base your relationship with someone off some weird rules someone once made up. This really isn’t rocket science; it’s just the 21st century’s version of flirting.
Don’t hide behind your phone and pretend to be someone else. If he doesn’t like you for you, he’s really not worth your time anyway. No use stressing yourself out trying to play mind games! You should be basically talking to him just like you would in person, and everything will fall into place.
Whether you’re texting your lifelong crush or that hottie from class for homework help, we wish you the best of luck in your endeavors! If you follow these simple guidelines, you should have no issues texting guys. Be yourself, be cool and be confident, and you’ll be a flirtexting pro!