Titanic is a classic; there's absolutely no denying it. For some reason, time and time again we commit ourselves to more than three hours of a complete emotional roller coaster. We know what'll happen. We are fully aware of the ending. It's a historical event, for goodness sake. Yet somehow, every time some part of us holds on to the hope that the captain will see the iceberg coming, that Jack won't let go, that Rose will move her butt over and make room on the floating door. But no; Jack slowly sinks away, our hearts are shattered into a million pieces and the credits roll. So here is the true story of watching Titanic and all the thoughts we have during this emotional experience.
1. The moment
What we're thinking:
Oh hello there, Jack Dawson; how you doin'? You've piqued my interest for sure. Why don't I watch this movie more often?
2. The moment
What we're thinking:
Is Leonardo DiCaprio even human? Seriously, what planet did he come from where his species gets better and better with age? We could stare at him all day!
3. The moment
What we're thinking:
Rose, are you crazy?! Girl, quit playin', get back on that boat and enjoy your cruise while it lasts with this hot man candy.
4. The moment
What we're thinking:
Why her? What does she have that I don't have?? And why can't they just stay perfect in this moment?! TURN AROUND WHILE YOU STILL CAN, CAPTAIN!!
5. The moment
What we're thinking:
Why yes; yes, I would. How did you know? Aside from the whole iceberg issue, the Titanic seems like a good time.
6. The moment
What we're thinking:
Lifelong fear: Being naked in front of people judging you. Lifelong dream: Being naked in front of Leonardo DiCaprio in any circumstance possible.
7. The moment
What we're thinking:
Dude, shut up. She doesn't like you. We don't like you either. Get off the screen so we can see the Titanic power couple. Ugh. Some guys just can't take a hint...
8. The moment
What we're thinking:
Yes. It's happening. The things we would do to be Rose right now. Who knew a little gulp could be so sexy?
9. The moment
What we're thinking:
The hand. The steam. The car. The excitement!
10. The moment
What we're thinking:
Remember when your mom asked if everyone else was jumping off a bridge, would you do it, too? Well, change out "bridge" for "ship" and change "everyone" to "Jack," and our answer is yes, Mom; yes, we would.
11. The moment
What we're thinking:
Now we remember why we don't watch Titanic more often. Because this stupid, gigantic iceberg somehow came out of nowhere (permanently sat in plain view in the middle of the ocean), and everything starts to go horribly wrong.
12. The moment
What we're thinking:
Um, what are you doing? The entire boat is sinking. People are chaotically rushing around you. And yet, you're gonna keep on playing that violin? Can't decide if that's dedication or stupidity, but you do you, man.
13. The moment
What we're thinking:
You won a ticket of death, Jack. The best thing that could happen for you right now would be for Rose to quit being so selfish and make room on the door for you. THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM, ROSE. MOVE OVER.
14. The moment
What we're thinking:
Mhmm, give it five more minutes until you drop Jack like a frozen sack of potatoes to sink to the bottom of the ocean. You did this, Rose. You did this.
15. The moment
What we're thinking:
Whyyyyy?! Did James Cameron make Titanic with the intention of torturing us with the ultimate story of love and loss? You bring us the perfect specimen of a man that is Jack Dawson, and then you rip him away from us? Why would you do this? WHY?! And why did we put ourselves through this emotionally draining experience yet again? BRB, crying for at least an hour and eating our emotions.
Until next time, Jack... until next time.