We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I met this guy a couple months ago, and we had been talking nonstop. After school ended, we have been unable to hang out due to some circumstances. We've established that we have feelings for each other, and we still keep in contact. Even though this guy isn't a fan of texting, he would text me at least twice a day. Recently he has completely stopped answering my texts, and it feels like he isn't into me anymore. I'm afraid he's just been leading me on or I'm just a rebound from his last girlfriend. What do I do? –Worried at Wesleyan
Wesleyan,
Sometimes, we get into… well, I wouldn’t call them relationships. More than friends, less than dating — you know what I mean? So we get into these periods of talking to people we’re interested in without actually going out, and these periods can last for months on end. You know he or she is interested in you, you’re interested in that person as well, but for whatever reason, no progress is ever made on the dating front. I’ve been in those situations numerous times, and it always sucks when they end before anything actually begins.
At the same time, when these periods of “flirtationship” last for months on end, we grow comfortable. We get complacent in our styles, and things get old. We get bored with things quickly, especially when there’s no tangible progress being made. This can cause people to text each other less and less as the days go on. So take all that with the fact that this guy hated texting already, and I think I see what’s going on here.
If nothing’s happening, there’s no reason to stick around; it’s the bitter truth. You might be wondering why he didn’t ask you out, but that can be argued against by asking why you didn’t bother asking him out. It’s a two-way street, Wesleyan. If you both knew there was something there, one of you should have made a move. For whatever reason, neither of you acted, and I have a sneaking suspicion that now he’s moved on from something that wasn’t benefitting him.
Frankly, I can’t blame the guy. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have manned up and done something, but the past is in the past. The train doesn’t wait for everyone to board: After a certain time, the doors close and the train rolls on. Sad as it may be, I think you missed your chance here.
I don’t think he was leading you on, and I don’t think you were a rebound. I simply think he moved on from something that wasn’t going anywhere. There’s fault in that situation, but it’s on both of you.
Better luck next time.