We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I was dumped out of the blue by a guy I was dating for about a year and a half. Everything seemed fine. He told me he knew that I loved him and that he simply didn't love me back. I was devastated. We go to a very small school, so I see him every day. Because of this, I have tried really hard to keep things civil and peaceful between us.
When he dumped me, my best friend since my first year totally ditched me and started hanging out with him exclusively. They went on outings alone and she would lie to me about being with him. It caused me to move out of the apartment that she and I shared. He claims that he was unaware of her lies. The next year, they moved in together.
I don't know what to do. I miss the presence of my ex in my life (even just his friendship), but I wonder if friendship can ever work out based on all of the inconsiderate choices he and my ex-best friend have made. I can't imagine a life without him in it. I can't seem to get over the breakup. Are either of them worth my time? –Sadness at Skidmore
Skidmore,
There’s a quick, simple answer to your question: No.
Neither of these people are worth your time, and it actually frustrates me that they would put you through this situation.
First things first: If this girl was actually your friend, she wouldn’t have ditched you to hang out with your ex. Moreover, she wouldn’t have lied about it, and she definitely wouldn’t be moving in with him next year.
Second, your ex can shove it. While I totally understand the feeling of wanting — and sometimes even needing — the presence of your ex, I can tell you from experience that this feeling will eventually pass. You’ll meet other people who will take your mind off of him (or, in my case, her), and you’ll end up dating someone who will show you how awful your ex was. It’ll take time, Skidmore; that much is certain, and, as much as I hate clichés, I promise that time will heal that wound.
Third, you need to consider the option that your “best friend” and your ex were fooling around behind your back for a long time. Honestly, I see no other reason for them to be moving along in their relationship so quickly unless they had already been doing something else beforehand. It’s an insanely crappy thing of them to do, and I’m sure that it’s not something you want to be true, but I feel like that’s the only explanation for their behavior. That’s on them, though, not on you, and their consciences will eventually get the better of them.
As for the small school and always seeing him thing — be the bigger person. Seeing your ex all the time is a gut-wrenching experience, and you’ll want to cry and throw up and slap him all at once. At the same time, you need to hold your head up high and ignore him. Pretend he doesn’t even exist, because neither of those people deserves to exist in your life after the way they treated you.
A friendship with either of these people probably isn’t possible, and frankly, I don’t see why you’d want to be friends with them after this. Cut them out of your life and move on. Find better friends and keep your head up. It’ll get better.