Spring semester is finally winding down, and it’s time to prepare to leave campus for the summer. Whether you’re going home for a few relaxing months off or you’re headed to a major city for an incredible internship (or somewhere in between), there are a few loose ends at school you need to tie up so you can focus on the summer months ahead. Do you have a friend with benefits that you’d like to be more? Is there a cute guy in your class that you’ve been crushing on? No matter what your situation, Her Campus has the answers tosealing the deal in any ambiguous relationship!
Situation #1: I Have a Friends With Benefits Situation That Needs to Change
Friends with benefits relationships are typically a great way to have fun with a guy when you’re not necessarily interested in having a committed relationship. However, after spending so much time together, there’s a chance that you’ll end up wanting to date your guy. Or, you’ll tire of the situation altogether and want to end things. In either scenario, what’s a girl to do? We spoke to college girls across the country who have been in this position before to see how they handled the situation!
“I probably didn’t handle this very well, but once I was done with my friend with benefits, I kind of just stopped talking to him altogether,” says Claire, a student at the University of Missouri. “I ignored his texts and calls and avoided him on campus. He got the message, obviously, but it was really mean!”
“I really wanted to start dating my friend with benefits, but I wasn’t sure where he stood on the idea,” says Taylor, a student at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. “So I started to casually ask him to do date-like things and finally, after awhile of that, I flat out asked if he wanted to date. It worked!”
“My ex and I had broken up, and then we started to be friends with benefits,” says Jenny, a student at the University of Southern California. “It was super tough and finally I gave him an ultimatum: either get back together or get out of my life. We got back together for a little while, but it didn’t end up working in the end.”
So what are some dos and don’ts from these girls’ experiences?
- Do stand your ground and ask for what you want, but don’t let him walk all over you.
- Do tell him how you feel, and don’t just cut him out of your life with no explanation.
- Do force him to see you in a different light by going on dates, but don’t let this placate you from asking for what you want.
- Do give your ex a second chance, but don’t set your expectations too high.
- Do be honest about what you want, but don’t settle if it’s not what he wants.
Situation #2: I Like a Guy, But He Has No Idea How I Feel
It seems as though nearly every relationship starts this way: you like a guy, and he doesn’t know it yet. With the semester coming to an end, it’s the perfect time to let that cute guy in your Chemistry class know that you like him. What do you have to lose? And while it can definitely be difficult to put yourself out there, it’ll be worth it to lose the ambiguity. We got the scoop on what other girls did when this happened to them:
“I had a massive crush on this guy, but I had absolutely no idea how to tell him,” says Jen, a student at Washington University in St. Louis. “Eventually, I worked up the courage to invite him to a party at my friend’s house and at the end of the night I flirtatiously (at least in my mind) told him that I’d had a crush on him all semester. It worked – we started dating soon after!”
“There was a huge end-of-semester project in one of my classes, and we had to pick groups,” says Meghan, a student at the University of Kansas. “I strategically sat near my crush in the classes leading up to when we chose groups so that when the day came, I could casually ask him to be in my group. We ended up spending a ton of time together and had a casual thing. It was worth it!”
So what can you take away from this?
- Do make yourself noticeable, but don’t make it too obvious.
- Do take a leap of faith, but don’t show your hand all at once.
- Do create a need to spend time together, but don’t force yourself onto him.
- Do be upfront about how you feel, but don’t move too fast.
Situation #3: Get Closure with An Ex-Boyfriend
Since you were probably really close to your boyfriend while the two of you dated, it’s only natural to want to continue to spend time with him after you break up. Many times, however, this is not the best idea for you or your ex-boyfriend. It stirs up old emotions and doesn’t make it easy for you to move on. With the end of the school year approaching, it’s time to make a move with your ex: either cut all ties or get back together, but make sure that you rid yourself of any and all ambiguity either way. Here’s how other girls dealt with their pesky ex-boyfriends:
“After going back and forth for awhile, talking and spending time together again then not hearing from him for awhile, I decided it was time to end all communication since we were both getting hurt,” says Elizabeth, a student at the University of Missouri. “I asked him to stop communicating with me so that I could move on. It was really hard at first, but I knew it was for the best so I stuck to it, and I am much happier now.”
“My ex-boyfriend and I were so off-and-on that it was difficult for me to actually move on from him,” says Melissa, a student at Indiana University. “I was so caught up in our relationship that I didn’t even realize we weren’t actually in one. Finally, I told him that I was done, and I stopped answering his texts and calls. It was abrupt, and he didn’t take it well, but I was finally able to move on with my life.”
“My ex and I continued to hang out and talk a lot after our break-up,” says Hannah, a student at the University of San Diego. “He was also hanging out with other girls, though, and that really hurt so I forced him to make a choice between being single or being committed to me. We got back together, and we have been happy ever since. I think putting my foot down showed him that he couldn’t treat me so poorly anymore.”
How do you follow their advice in your own life?
- Do what is best for you, and don’t worry so much about his feelings.
- Do stand up for yourself, and don’t allow him to treat you poorly.
- Do cut off all communication or get back together, and don’t be wishy-washy about what you want.
- Do ask for what you deserve, and don’t stand for anything less.
So there you have it, collegiettes. While uncertainty of any kind in a relationship can be a challenge, there are ways to make something happen in your relationship before the end of the semester. Just follow in the footsteps of your fellow collegiettes, and keep in mind our dos and don’ts, and you’ll have what you want in no time!