Sex is everywhere. It's written about in songs, discussed in books and seen in movies. But how much sex are women in their twenties actually having? We had some recent grads weigh in.
1. Personal choice comes into play
Everyone has their own stand on when they want to have sex. Some people wait until they're married or in a committed relationship, while others take a more relaxed approach and are okay with occasional hook-ups. Your own personal choice has a lot to do with how often young women in general are having sex.
"When I was single and out of college, it was very rare because I used the 'I'm not having sex with you unless we're in a relationship' rule to weed out the guys who wouldn't give me the emotional fulfillment I wanted," says Nicole Echeverria, a 2015 graduate of the University of Michigan. "Now I have an amazing boyfriend, and it's probably around three times a week."
Same goes for Rachel Lytle, a graduate from Penn State. "I was single all through college and had less sex than desired," she says. "Sometimes, while single, I went months and months without any action at all because I didn't want to hook up with just anybody."
Remember, it's your choice when you want to start having sex, and how often you do it.
Related: 32 College Students Get Real About Sex on Campus
2. Other aspects of your personal life might take priority
A demanding career, a full course-load, a graduate degree—these are all huge reasons why sex might take a backseat in your life. You simply might not have the time to be intimate with someone. Lauren Paylor, a Duke University graduate who is currently studying at Fordham University School of Law, understands completely. When asked how much sex she thinks women in their twenties are having, Lauren replied, "ZERO. Law school = no time for boys!"
Those who've moved in with their SOs have found that just because you're together day in and day out doesn't necessarily mean there's time for sex.
"Right after graduation, my boyfriend and I moved in with each other," says Erica*, a recent graduate now living in New York City. "I thought the sex would be regular—but after a 10 to 12 hour work day, it's the last thing on your mind. We're trying to make more time for intimacy, but at most, it's once a week."
And it's the same for those who aren't living together.
"After college, the amounts increased with a steady hook-up, but decreased without one," says Rachel. "I would say this had to do with going out less (especially during the week) and 'adulting' more. As of six months ago, I'm in a committed relationship. I usually only get to see my boyfriend on the weekends, and most times we have sex at least once a day [on the weekend], if not more."
3. Birth control plays a role
There are a ton of different birth control options available, and while most young women are acquainted with "the pill," intrauterine devices—or IUDs—are becoming more and more popular. Regardless of your preferred method, nearly all hormonal birth control options come with a list of side effects; potentially having an effect on your libido and how often you actually want to have sex.
"I [have] been on various forms of birth control since I was 16, and just recently switched to an IUD," says Haley C, who chose not to give her last name. "The IUD may not have any exact correlation to my increased sex drive, but for the first time in my life, I feel like I want to have a lot of sex."
4. Women in their twenties are looking to experiment
Experimentation is an important part of a healthy (and fun!) sex life, and your twenties are a great time to figure out who you are as a sexual being. Experimenting in the bedroom also helps you figure out what you like and what you don't like.
"While I will continue to be very smart and safe in the bedroom, I want to spend my twenties figuring out what I like and what I want from a sexual partner," says Haley. "My sex life the past six months has been exponentially more satisfying than my sex life in the last six years. Not because of the quantity of partners, but because of the quality of sex."
Related: Take Her Campus's Sex Survey!
5. Intercourse isn't the only form of intimacy in a relationship
There are other ways to satisfy your sexual cravings without having intercourse! Oral sex can be way more than just foreplay—it can become the main event!
"I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years," says Margaret*. "If we're talking actual sex, I'd probably tally us at once every two weeks, but if we're talking sexual acts, that's closer to once or twice a week. I couldn't tell you exactly what the reasoning behind it is beyond the fact that we're both so busy and so tired all the time."
Whether you're having sex once a week, once a month or not at all, Margaret reminds us of one important thing: "amount of sex doesn't determine a relationship's value." Agreed!
*Name has been changed.
