Content note: mentions of eating disorders
By Laura Ostrow
What I would give to tell my six-year old self in gymnastics that it is okay to run up to that vault and jump over, because other people’s legs shake when they run, too. What I would give to tell her that the leotard she wore was meant for the ease of movement of her strong muscles, not for her to look with shame at her thighs and think that they are bigger than all of the other girls. What I would give to tell the child I was that there was no need to jump into the water directly after shedding the towel; because the world wasn’t afraid of seeing her body like she was.
What I would give to tell the pre-teen that it is normal for her body to change shape, grow out, and become different. What I would give to tell that young girl that everything will be okay, while she was getting ready every morning by trying on over ten outfits and finally settling on a pair of pants that she thought made her look decent enough to leave the house. What I would give to hug her and tell her that she is perfect as she left that house sweating with nerves, holding back tears and trying to be okay with her body.
And what I would give to tell that same girl, staring down at her body in class in disgust that, in reality, the distortions that she was seeing were something only she could have noticed; it was not reality. What I would give to tell her that learning and expanding her mind in school was so much more important and valuable than what she looked like while in class. What I would give to tell that same girl that in her process of trying to change, find, and re-find herself over and over again through haircuts, color, style changes and personality changes, she could never truly change the amazing person that she was underneath.
What I would give to tell that girl staring at her in the mirror, and crying at her reflection, that she is beautiful; because no matter how many people told her, she couldn’t tell herself. I would ask her why she treated herself so badly.
Our brains are meant for so much more than the monopolizing, self-hating thoughts we allow ourselves to think. There is so much more we can do, and say, and give to this world than our bodies. What I would give to be the mirror that every girl looks in every day of her life, to be able to tell her that she is beautiful, and then send her on her way to truly live.
Eating disorders are diseases of the mind first and foremost. They attack your body and your thoughts, latch onto the health and replace it with the sick. So many eating disorders are invisible, and we never know who is fighting this silent battle at any age, any size and in any place. But true beauty is in the way your voice lifts when you are excited. True worth is in the love and happiness you bring to others. True value is in your intelligence, humor, and passion. You are a beautiful human being. And you can make the choice today, to start seeing that in your reflection and smile.