College relationships are so much more grown-up compared to high school relationships, right? Dating in college calls for more mature moves, such as not telling your friends every little detail about your relationship. While spilling some things to your roommates is perfectly okay, there are experiences that should be kept private between you and your SO for the sake of honoring your relationship. Here’s what not to tell your besties (as tough as it may be).
1. The private details of your partner’s life
Your SO tells you something really private and asks you not to tell anyone. This is absolutely a contract you cannot breach. Failing to respect your partner’s wishes could mean the demise of the relationship, especially if word gets out.
“You shouldn't tell your friends any secrets or private things your boyfriend entrusts in you,” says Suzanne Oshima, dating coach at Single in Stilettos. “Don't even think for a moment that it would be okay to just tell your best friend.”
Oshima says the consequences of doing so are dire.
“Why? Because if your boyfriend ever finds out that you shared something that he entrusted in you, he will never trust you again with anything else that he holds near and dear to his heart,” she says. “Men have a hard enough time opening up about their feelings, so don't breach his trust.”
Seriously, don’t. It means a lot that he told you this in the first place!
2. Every single disagreement you have with your partner
Sometimes it’s okay to consult your girls when you’re not sure who’s in the wrong. However, telling them about every single tiny argument you have with your SO can’t end well.
“You shouldn't tell your friends about every single fight you get into with your boyfriend,” Oshima says. “If you do, it will start to taint how they feel about him, and they'll just try to get you to break up with him.”
It’s best to keep some of the smaller arguments to yourselves. Plus, you should be able to work it out with your SO without the aid of your friends.
3. The super intimate stuff
If you’re experimenting with sex for the first time, it’s totally natural to have questions that you want to ask your girls. Remember, though, that divulging every single detail of these intimate happenings between you and your partner can take away from the importance you should be placing on these occurrences. After all, having sex with someone you deeply care about doesn’t happen all the time.
“I know so many like to kiss and tell, but you shouldn’t tell your friends about your sex life,” says Julie Spira, online dating and relationship expert as well as founder of Cyber-Dating Expert.
Spira says if you do tell one of your friends about your sex woes (or intimate details about your partner’s body and abilities) and you happen to get in a fight with said friend, those dirty details you spilled could get back to your SO. Now that would be awkward.
Make sure you have sex discussions with a person you totally and completely trust because the situation Spira described could be nightmarish — especially if you attend a small college.
4. Exactly how fabulous your relationship is
Things aren’t going well — they’re going amazing. And we’re totally happy for you! However, keep in mind that you don’t want to be excessive when talking about it to your friends.
“You shouldn't gush and brag all the time to your single girlfriends about how great your boyfriend and relationship are,” Oshima says. “Being in love and in a great relationship can be one of the most amazing things. But it's important to be sensitive to your girlfriends who are single and not in a relationship right now.”
Remember when you were single and one of your friends was totally infatuated with her boyfriend? You had to hear about it all the time, and after a while, you were a bit fed up. Chatting about something adorable your SO did is fine from time to time, but don’t go overboard. As Oshima said, you should be considerate of your friends’ feelings.
Relationships are awesome, but with them come some expectation of privacy. After all, would you want your SO sharing every detail with his or her buddies? We didn’t think so. Honor your SO by keeping the intimate aspects of your relationship just that – intimate.