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A Letter to the Boy I Tried to Change

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First, I would like to apologize for driving you away. I recognize that you are probably better off without me, but just know that I understand why you left. I do not blame you.

Second, I am sorry for all the times I was uncharacteristically selfish and asked for more than you could give me. I wish I recognized all the effort you put into us before it was too late.

Third, I am sorry for all the times I tried to change you into something you were not. I see now how foolish this was and that it only wedged the gap between us.

You took my world by storm from the second you entered it. When we first started dating, you were unlike any guy I had ever met. You gave me faith that chivalry still exists with every sweet phrase and gesture. Our honeymoon phase lasted far longer than I imagined and I could not be more grateful for those loving months spent by your side.

However, things began to change as time passed and we entered long distance. It was more difficult to show each other we cared or give each other the time we both deserved. I was constantly wanting more from you—more love, more attention, more appreciation. I wanted to feel all that from 150 miles away. The more I asked of you, the more you pulled away. The screaming and fighting only got worse. I remember all those hours I wasted complaining and crying to you instead of studying for finals at the end of the semester. But the beginning of summer brought with it the hope that things would improve.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. My need for more altered our relationship to the point where we could no longer successfully fix us.

Although I knew it was only a matter of who would cave first, losing you hurt. I replayed all the times in my head that I could have acted differently or chosen my battles more wisely. Would that have saved our love or would we still have fizzled out?

Looking back at it, I am grateful for all our good (and bad) memories. Thank you for all the laughs, tears and lessons. And most of all, thank you for being a beautiful stepping stone on my path to learning what I need.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Wanted the World


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