The street style shots from SXSW have us excited for this summer's upcoming music festivals. Obviously, those cool, festival-chic outfits are an important part of the experience, so we've rounded up a list of the best jewelry pieces to accessorize your ensemble with!

1. Mini Daisy Flower Hair Crown, ASOS, $10.50

It's impossible to resist this adorable piece of jewelry. Basically, it's the grown-up version of the daisy chain crowns you made as a kid.

2. Chevron Body Chain, Forever 21, $8.90

This sleek body chain is the perfect piece to make even a simple tank top festival-worthy.

3. Orelia Henna Metallic Temporary Tattoos, ASOS, $9.00

These temporary tattoos double as chic bracelets.

4. Tassel Woven Friendship Bracelet, Nordstrom, $24

We're loving the Southwestern pattern and adorable charms on this stackable friendship bracelet.

5. Tan Leather Fringe Earring, Urban Outfitters, $69.99

These fringe earrings will add just the right touch of festival-appropriate style to your outfit.

6. Spring Petals Flower Crown, Anthropologie, $28.00

Can you say flower power? This crown will make you look like the most fashionable fairy princess.

Which piece of jewelry is on your shopping list for those upcoming music festivals, collegiettes?

Trying to think of qualities that make up your ideal man is totally easy, right? The reason why we have such high expectations in life is because of fictional characters like Four from the "Divergent" series - the kind of guy whom no man could ever match. He's gorgeous, funny, sweet.... and about a thousand other things that make us melt. Basically, he's perfect; here's why:

1. He’s (almost) fearless.

Tobias Eaton got the nickname ‘Four’ because he only has four fears - how many fears do you have? Spiders, heights, tight spaces, public speaking, birds, that creepy neighbor who could’ve starred in Disturbia… the list can go on and on. Four is virtually afraid of nothing, which makes us feel all hot and bothered...

2. He's chivalrous.

How many girls can say a guy quite literally faced his fear of heights by climbing up to the top of a broken down Ferris wheel to make sure she was safe? And even though his arms were probably like Jell-O and his heart was racing, he made sure you got up and back down safely. Chivalry lives!

3. He’s protective in that cute way. 

Even though you can take care of yourself just fine, there are few things better than a guy who will fight for you, right? Four is that guy. He’ll destroy three masked men who are trying to throw you into the chasm and then let you sleep in his bed while he takes the floor just to keep you safe. He'll even lend you his sweater! Swoon.

4. He has a fully functioning brain and knows how to use it.

There's something attractive about a guy who can monitor the control room of an entire city while simultaneously investigating Erudite's plan to use a zombie-like serum on the toughest faction in the city. It's casual, though.

5. Life hasn't always gone his way, and it makes him 10x hotter that he's just waiting for you to save him. 

What is it with bad boys and our ~*~need~*~ to change them? Or save them? We never stood a chance against Four's tattoos.

6. His, um, appearance...

If you can watch Four's big tattoo and hot bod reveal scene without drooling, you're doing it wrong. Those strong, muscular arms, broad shoulders, perfectly tanned skin, hard jaw line….

7. His low-key sarcasm.

Four has a pretty serious life. You don’t expect a guy like that to really have a great sense of humor, but he comes out with some pretty good one-liners that make you LOL. He's basically a bad-ass Ken doll with a great personality underneath that shiny, perfect exterior.

8. He’s totally respectful.

What could possibly top the moment when Tris and Four finally kissed and made our hearts stop? The moment when she whispered, “I don’t want to go too fast,” and he completely, 100 percent understood. Way to show 'em how it's done, Four.

Whether he's giving you sass in the cafeteria or kissing you like it's your last, a guy like Four is perfection. What are the three little words we're all dying to hear? Nope, not "I love you." Try, "Welcome to Dauntless." We see, you, Four.

We all know and love the brand Urban Decay for their cult-favorite beauty products like Naked Palettes, Primer Potion and Glide-On Eye Pencils. Urban Decay is the ultimate beauty trendsetter, and now they’re launching a women’s empowerment campaign we really hope catches on.

The brand’s new initiative, The Ultraviolet Edge, aims to give women the confidence to embrace their unique beauty. The program recognizes powerful women who inspire us to dream bigger, work harder and have killer confidence every step of the way. As if we needed another reason to love this program already, they named ultimate cool-girl Gwen Stefani as spokeswoman.

Here’s more good news, especially if you’re a fan of their eyeshadow primer: when you buy the limited edition Primer Potion in Enigma ($20), all of the proceeds will be donated to the cause.

The first cause that your purchase will benefit is the Women's Global Empowerment Fund. This charity provides money and resources to struggling women in post-war Uganda. Through The Ultraviolet Edge, Urban Decay has already donated enough money to support business training for 1,400 women and literacy programs for 250 women. Over the next five years, the initiative plans to donate over $3 million to more charities to support and empower women.

Now, this is a mission we can get behind!

We’ve all heard that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and a recent study out of the University of Missouri shows that a lot of college students are heeding that very advice. Out of 170 undergrads surveyed, 35 percent had sex with someone other than their ex-partner—that is, engaged in rebound sex—within a month of their breakup.

But what does that mean for collegiettes? There’s no doubt that rebound sex is a thing that happens, but when it comes to whether it will help or hurt you, things get a little murky. So, should you or shouldn’t you? Let’s break it down!

Why do we do it?

There are tons of ways you can try to get over a breakup. You can pull an Elle Woods and watch a bad romance movie, only to scream, “Liar!” at the sexy male lead and chuck a box of chocolates at your TV. You can stay in your sweats for a week and develop an intimate relationship with GrubHub, or you can gather your girls and drain your local bar of its tequila reserves. You could get over your ex the healthy way, or you could try something else entirely!

But despite the many options, a sizeable chunk of post-breakup collegiettes will likely choose a more physical course of action: rebound sex.

“I think for some people, it’s the kick in the pants they need—literally!—to help them believe that life will go on after a breakup,” says MJ Acharya, the founder of BrokenHeartedGirl.com, a place for the brokenhearted to seek support. “Imagining yourself with another person can be hard to do, so just putting yourself in a position to physically connect with a new lover can help kick-start your brain into imagining a future full of possibilities with another person.”

The dangers of rebound sex

Getting to a place where you can see yourself with another guy sounds great, but before we get there, let’s get the bad news out of the way: rebound sex isn’t all good.

The potential risks of engaging in rebound sex when you’re hot off a breakup and, consequently, emotionally vulnerable may seem obvious: you might get attached or find out that your emotions can’t be so easily plugged by a one-night stand. But according to Lisa Steadman, relationship expert and author of It's A Breakup Not A Breakdown, if you’re hoping to get over your ex this way, you might find that rebound sex has the exact opposite result — you might wind up thinking about your ex even more than before.

“[After rebound sex], we can go, ‘Now I have all these feelings coming up that are making me think about my ex and what we used to have and how I miss him,’” Steadman says. “[You could think], ‘This guy didn’t touch me the same way,’ or, ‘this guy didn’t treat me the same way, and I really miss my ex. I think I’m going to text him or call him.’ And that’s where the rebound turns into more of the breakdown.”

Another risk associated with rebound might have less to do with the what and who, and more to do with the when. The participants in the study who engaged in rebound sex did so within the first four weeks following their breakup, something that Steadman says might stunt the healing process, or at least set you back a few steps.

“There’s no substitute for being in the breakdown of your breakup,” she says. “You can’t avoid the pain. There are five stages of it—the denial, the anger, the bargaining, the depression and even the eventual acceptance—and you can’t shortchange yourself by trying to skip over those steps.”

Meaning? Rebound sex might seem like a good distraction the day after you get dumped, but in the long run, it might be better if you wait until you’ve healed on your own first. 

Alternatives to rebound sex

Want some serious post-breakup catharsis without the sex? We have good news: you have options when it comes to getting that boost and letting off some newly single steam.

“Maybe it’s rebound kissing or a rebound make-out session,” Acharya suggests as alternatives that run a smaller risk of attachment or regret. “And if that’s not something the person would normally do, she could just put herself on an online dating site to just garner attention from prospective mates in order to help her visualize herself in a future that doesn’t include her ex.”

And if those options still sound a little daunting, there’s always the option of just going to a bar and getting your flirt on with your best girl friends, no physical contact necessary!

Or for those collegiettes who don’t even want to think about guys right now? Steadman suggests getting a Breakover. That’s right, a breakup makeover.  “Nothing makes a woman feel sassier than a new ‘do,” she says.  

If you already have a ‘do you love, find something else that involves pampering and treating yourself. Self-love is a crucial step in the breakup recovery process!

Still want to rebound? Things to consider

Even with the potential pitfalls, there’s no denying that rebound sex is popular for a reason. Steadman describes it as a great ego boost: a way to reenter the market and remind yourself that your ex isn’t the only one out there. Not to mention, it’s probably been forever since you slept with someone besides your ex, and admit it: things were getting tired with him anyway.

It might also be a great distraction.

“I'm so pleased that I did, because although I'm no longer in contact with the guy I had sex with, for a few weeks I was excited again,” says Jasmine Walker, HC campus correspondent for the University of Manchester. “I… had something to talk to my friends about other than my ex-boyfriend. I was completely distracted by what I'd done, what I'd learnt and how sex could be with someone else but still feel good.”

So if you decide you are willing to take the risk, there are things to keep in mind to make sure you have the most positive experience possible.

“I think it's important to self-analyze,” says Acharya, who also wrote The Breakup Workbook: A Common Sense Guide to Getting Over Your Ex. “If you're typically not a one-night-stand kind of girl, then chances are, having a one-night stand could potentially diminish your self-esteem. In this situation, you want to feel good about yourself afterward.”

Another invaluable resource for safe rebounding? What Steadman calls the Boohoo Crew, a group of friends, who will make sure you don’t make any bad decisions while you’re still in the bad stages of your breakup. You know, the ones who are going to make sure you don’t drunk-text him or beg him to take you back—or, in this case, make sure you don’t have sex with someone new until you’re ready.

“Be sure that when you’re going through a breakup, you surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart and who really want to help you through it,” Steadman says.

And of course, no matter the type of sex you’re engaging in, Steadman reminds you to stay safe and always be prepared. You don’t know where your rebound has been!

At the end of the day, how you go about your breakup should be about one thing: finding acceptance and the ability to move on. If you take your time to do that, you’ll learn why your breakup might have been one of the best things that ever happened to you.

“You’re free to be yourself, you’re free to move on, you’re free to meet someone who’s more suited for you, and those are all the upsides of a breakup that we often forget when we’re thinking about revenge or rebound sex,” Steadman says.

Still not convinced? Just trust the process.

“I've been in the breakup business for 10 years, and the old saying is actually true: ‘Time heals all wounds,’” Acharya says. “It's what you do in that time that will either make you come out of your breakup a bitter person—or a better person. Strive for the latter.”

There aren't many things that Beyoncé hasn’t done yet—from dropping a surprise album to winning tons of Grammy awards to becoming a worldwide fashion and cultural icon—it’s easy to see that we call her Queen Bey for a reason! Even though it seems like she’s done it all, Beyoncé announced on Monday that she’ll be adding one more item to her extensive resume: shoe design. Queen Bey will be collaborating on a shoe with famed designer Giuseppe Zanotti, who described the shoe-in-the-making to Forbes as being “an ultra thick platform stiletto.” Obviously, we’re all super excited for the big reveal, but while we all wait anxiously, check out our favorite shoe looks from the queen! (And perhaps a few hints as to what Bey’s shoe design might look like?)

1. Perfect lace-up ankle booties

Even as a soon-to-be new momma to Blue Ivy, Queen Bey still stepped out looking as flawless as ever. Her black platform lace-up ankle booties are simple and chic, but give a super cool edgy vibe when paired with her flowy white blouse.

2. Marvelous in mint

The perfect way to add some fun to an all black and white look? Bright heels, of course—and we’re loving the look of Beyoncé’s mint colored pair. Extra points for the way she and Jay-Z are coordinating perfectly here... couples matching game so strong. 

3. Sky high thigh highs

Few shoes make a statement quite like a killer pair of thigh high boots. Case in point: this on-point look Beyoncé wore to perform during the On The Run Tour.

 4. Major sparkle

At first glance, it seems pretty impossible for anything to outshine the big bunch of awards Beyoncé is holding after the 2015 Grammy Awards—but those to-die-for strappy Fendi stilettos nearly do.

5. Chic to the next level booties

There are a handful of designers that fashion girls really fangirl over, and Proenza Schouler is definitely one of them. The edgy cutouts and heel details on these booties have us wanting our very own pair. Right. Now.

6. Taking it easy

Proof that yes, even Beyoncé, is just as human as the rest of us—even she needs to take a break from heels! We love this casual-chic look she wore for a day out with Blue Ivy and her mother. The comfy-meets-fashion-forward loafers totally complete the outfit!

What are you hoping to see from Beyoncé’s new shoe collab, collegiettes? 

With spring around the corner, it’s time to ditch our winter hats and bring our hair out of hiding. However, winter may not have been kind to our tresses. Whether we have dry, brittle strands from the cold winter air or heat-damaged hair from going overboard with the curling wands we got for Christmas, growing long hair eludes us. But our fantasy of luscious, waist-length locks can be a reality! Celebrity hair stylist and beauty expert Hasblady Guzman shares her tips for nursing your hair back to its long, crowning glory.  

1. Use a Good Shampoo

Hair breakage and thermal damage are the main culprits behind short, unhealthy hair. Guzman says that in her experience, she has identified several factors that can lead to the broken bits we see in our brushes and on our shirts.

“Heat styling, sulfate shampoos, not enough conditioner and too much or too little protein in the hair can cause breakage,” she says. “Excessive sun exposure, spending a lot of time in chlorine pools or too much salt from the ocean can cause breakage as well.”

Sulfate-free shampoos do not strip your strands, leaving your hair moisturized and less likely to snap. We recommend using L’Oreal’s Everpure Moisture Shampoo ($6.99).

2. Trim Your Hair

Guzman’s best advice for heat-damaged hair? “The long and short of it is to trim every six weeks,” she says. “Even if it's minor, you still must do it. As soon as you see some damage, cut the white knob with good scissors.”

With her simple instructions, you can do this in your dorm. “Do this by twisting the hair,” Guzman says. “This way you can go down the shaft of the hair too. Cut off all the knobs that are white and are about to split, as well as the hair that has already split.”

3. Protect Your Hair

Heat protectants help you maintain the nutrients, volume and moisture in your hair by creating a barrier between the heat and your hair. Guzman also suggests using a leave-in conditioner. This added moisture will prevent the hair from getting dry and breaking off before it has a chance to grow longer. We recommend trying John Frieda’s Frizz Ease Heat Defeat Protective Spray ($5.09) and Design Essentials Hydrate Leave-In Hydrating Conditioner ($9.99). Apply the leave-in and heat protectant to damp hair before blow drying and styling.

4. Style Your Hair Safely

Hair can snap off when its protective layer is damaged by heat from appliances and friction from brushes. “When styling with a hot tool, always count to 20 and then remove the tool,” Guzman advises. “Do not leave pieces of hair on heat tools longer than this.”

The protein bonds in our hair are the weakest when wet, so Guzman advises that “when you are combing through your hair, start at the ends and gently work your way to the top. Be careful not to pull or tug the hair too much.”

When in the sun, Hasblady suggests wearing a hat and braiding your wet hair as a protective style. Bonus tip: Unravel the braid when it’s dry for easy, loose waves!

5. Watch Your Diet

Forgot to take your daily supplements? It will definitely show in your hair! What we put into our bodies undeniably affects the length of our hair. Guzman recommends taking vitamins like vitamin E and biotin. Together, they increase circulation in the scalp and the production of protein in the body, boosting hair’s growth rate. We recommend Natrol Skin Hair Nails Dietary Supplement Capsules ($11.99), which contains both vitamin E and biotin. Guzman also says avocado and salmon help with hair growth. Try these two by serving guacamole at your next sorority social and baked salmon at dinner.

Don’t let winter blues affect your spring ‘dos! Make damaged hair a thing of the past and start your journey to long, healthy hair with these tips. What are some of your favorite tips to grow long locks? Tell us below!

Get your copy of The Her Campus Guide to College Life: How to Manage Relationships, Stay Safe and Healthy, Handle Stress, and Have the Best Years of Your Life signed by the Her Campus co-founders at their alma mater and the place Her Campus was founded! Come to this fun author reading and book signing event at The Harvard COOP on Tuesday, April 7th, 7-8pm.

Goody bags and raffle prizes included free swag and special offers from bareMinerals, Flywheel, Scentbird, My Beauty Tea, Tervis, Knock Knock, Plumb notebooks, Samantha Faye jewelry, PINC Internship, and more! Invite your friends on Facebook and RSVP below.

RSVP here:

Thanks to technology, dating has evolved a ton over the years. You'd expect it to get easier, but social media seems to have made the ritual all the more complex. Dating prescribes too many rules already, which only makes us wonder why there are any in the first place? One of the stalest rules of the game is that men should make the first move, and two people (one of whom happens to be a co-founder of Tinder) have recently set to change that with the app Bumble. 

As the antidote to Tinder, Bumble sets out modernize dating by allowing women start the conversation. Wolfe told Racked that the app seeks to reverse the "unwritten rule that it's not ladylike, or it's wrong [to make the first move]." Bumble follows an almost identical format as Tinder, only women must initiate contact with a match. You know those few blank conversations with matches that sit in your inbox on Tinder because neither user has reached out? You won't see any of those on Bumble because matches will disappear after 24 hours if you haven't made the first move! As much as reaching out first freaks us out, we kind of like the challenge...

Aside from changing the first move rule, Bumble also accomplishes a more practical feat and probably intentionally: keeping the creepy messages at bay. We'll preface this by saying that not all men on Tinder are sleazy, but a fair share are and will reach out with a vulgar remark or joke that's really an insult. Of course, your match's personality will come out after you send the first message, but at least you won't be flooded with these undesirable types of messages from the get go.

With Bumble, you can also see where a user went to college and where they currently work, which is another big plus. Also, according to TechCrunch, you get three backtracks that reset every three hours because we all know how agonizing it is to make the grave mistake of prematurely swiping left. We're liking this app already... we just wonder how it will go over with men! 

Would you make the first move, collegiettes?

For anyone who has ever danced around their room singing The Veronicas' smash hits "Untouched" or "Everything I'm Not" (so, everyone) we have great news: the pop duo is back and here to stay. Her Campus met up with twin sisters Lisa and Jessica Origliasso in New York City to talk about the seven years since their last album, what they've learned along the way, how they handle heartbreak, and, of course, what's coming up next. 

Her Campus: Congrats on this album! Your last album came out in 2007, so what have you been doing during this time?

Jessica: We were battling—

Lisa: We went into battle! 

Jessica: I would say our focus was creativity. So we were continuing to write and create in the studio, but at the same time, we were trying to get a record out at our old record label, but that wasn’t happening. We had to go through legal proceedings to get off them and then re-sign to be able to release this music with Sony Music Worldwide. They’ve been unbelievable. It’s just one of those things that’s like—it took a lot longer than we wanted. But at the same time, we grew so much as people; we found so much inspiration and opportunity. I really believe in divine timing and I think that this was meant to be our time now, just to tell our stories and reconnect with people. So, there’s no bitterness left. At the time, when you’re stuck in a situation that you feel like you have no control over—

Lisa: It’s frustrating.

Jessica: It’s incredibly frustrating, but we really turned to finding the spiritual lessons in it and redistributing the power, of where we had placed certain people in authority of our careers, that we just took back. We just took back all the power and realized that we are the ones with the ability to create. We have our fan base, the fans kept us going through the entire experience and we just channeled it into in our music. We knew that one day, no matter what, we were going to have this music heard again. So that’s what kept us motivated and going. That’s what we’ve been through and now we get to reconnect with everyone through the live shows and talking about music. For a long time we weren’t sure if we were going to have that opportunity again. It allows you the grace to really appreciate it now.

HC: How has your music evolved? How is this record different from your previous ones?

Lisa: It has been a bit of time. I think it was just a natural progression for this record to have evolved to the place where it's at.

Jessica: I think that we treat every record like its own entity. With our first record, the creation of it, it was just very much us and our stories. You know, great pop songs on it.

Lisa: We were learning and growing... and learning.

Jessica: Yes, and then the second record, to challenge ourselves, we went through a completely different process of trying a very production-based start with it. We created its own world as a completely different thing. So it went like stories and then production and then we went back to stories. It was about our stories and our challenges and our life experience and our musings on love and relationships. We’re still trying to understand love, three albums in. We’re such different people now. We’ve stepped into a power that you can only find through living life. I think on a sonic scale, this is quite an eclectic record. There’s pop, hip hop, trip hop, country pop, acoustic pop. We didn’t limit ourselves because we didn’t go for one genre like we did on the second record. We were being influenced by so much because we needed constant stimulation to keep ourselves distracted from the bullsh-t that was going on. If we were to only pick one genre we probably would’ve gotten bored after such a long period of time. This is the combination of all of that time, whereas the next record, because obviously we’re banking on the fact that it won’t be taking seven years again to release the next record—

Lisa: (laughs) I hope not!  

Jessica: I think it’ll be a more concentrated form, I can already see it being a more production-based record. We’ll do something really different again.

Lisa: I think it really is our confidence in being the women we are today that makes us find power in being vulnerable in these songs as well. A song like “You Ruin Me” is extremely personal, very vulnerable and honest. The idea of that would be overwhelming and daunting, except for the fact that we feel very confident in who were are and our messages and our experiences. We find power within that vulnerability.

Jessica: There’s so much lesson and growth through adversity. We can’t look at those experiences with bitter eyes. I mean, I am a bit bitter. I’m bitter that, you know, they stole some of the greatest years of our career from us, but we’ve moved on from that now and we’re embracing it now. I don’t think we could do what we do today, with such conviction and power of who we are, if we had not had that experience.

HC: You mentioned love earlier, so we have to talk about the “Cruel” video! So this is about an ex boyfriend—

Lisa: Yes!

HC: Where did you draw inspiration from for the video and the song?

Jessica: Deep, dark, thoughts in what we would like to do to people (laughs).

Lisa: Visually, we’ve always been attracted to the weird, the quirky, the slightly uncomfortable, the dark side of things. Cinematographers like Quentin Tarantino and David Lynch. We wanted to make a very cinematic music video and have a real story line. We used an amazing actor in it who has been in a lot of indie films and the stunts were all real and we used a real knife for Jess’s knife fight scene. It was a challenge and it was slightly uncomfortable to shoot and it was kind of weird.

Jessica: You know when you go through something and you go through heartbreak or you see someone in a particular way and you start living our your own film in your head? Sometimes it’s really dark thoughts, but you’ve gotta accept that side of yourself to be able to move into the light eventually. Sometimes you just want to blow some mother f--ker up in a car, you know what I mean? (laughs)

Lisa: I love that about that song in particular. Sonically, it’s a very "pop" song, but lyrically you go, “Wait a minute, this is kind of twisted.” It’s that contrast of that. We wanted to really explore deeper into that side of things with the music video.

HC: Speaking of heartbreak, do you have any advice for our readers about how to move on and progress after going through that feeling?

Lisa: You have to feel it. Feel it in its fullest forms. The dark moments, the pain, the hurt, channel it into something that can help you. For me, it was writing “You Ruin Me.” I was going through the greatest heartache of my life and I channeled it into song and to lyrics and to the melody. That was breaking my heart and healing me at the same time. It takes me right back to that place every time I sing it and I think it’s about really feeling those—don’t lie to yourself and pretend it doesn’t make you feel hurt or maybe it does shatter your self-confidence, but you need to feel that in order to move on from it.

Jessica: Learn from it! The greatest advice in understanding relationships, whatever form of relationship that might be, was that we all have lessons to learn in this life. I believe in karma, so I believe each person that you connect with, on whatever level, whether it’s a friend, a family member, a lover, particularly in the sense of a lover, we let those people reflect parts of ourselves, we let them into a closer part of our souls than we let most people into. I believe that there’s something meant to be learned from each relationship. Whether that ends sadly or beautifully or it never ends, I believe that there is some greater reason that we have come together to learn something. If you can appreciate the relationship, if you can find that thread and that understanding of what that was, even if it’s that you have allowed someone to treat you in a way that you should never have let them treat you, whatever that understanding is, that is a powerful agent for growth. Whether it’s pain, whether it’s heartbreak, whether it’s the person was amazing and you f--ked up and you’ve got to deal with that, I think that looking for that understanding will help you heal quicker and help you progress forward instead of getting caught up in the drama of it, which can be very painful and go on for a very long time.

Lisa: The quicker you can process a true, genuine acceptance of what that love was and with love—with great love comes great pain. You can process that understanding that will help you move forward into making better choices in relationships in the future. It’s hard to get to that place, though. It’s very hard because you have to do a lot of self work. It’s not projecting onto other people on what they did wrong to you and really taking a look into you and into your heart.

HC: You two should write a book on this!

Jessica: I’m actually writing a book at the moment! My guide through the twenties.

HC: Are you?

Jessica: Yeah it’s all my f--king up stories (laughs)

HC: That will be amazing. So, what’s coming up next?

Jessica: We’re definitely going to tour America this year, a full band tour, just after August. We’re going to start writing for the next record really soon, but until then creating more music videos, more singles from this record and just connecting with fans again, reconnecting.

Lisa: We’re releasing a deluxe album of this album in June as well, which will be seven new songs.  We’ve been creating new merch for our stuff which has been so much fun.

Jessica: We’ve been doing a lot of activist, charity work. I’m writing my book, we want to make a documentary. We’re sort of always involved in a lot of different things, because we like to keep our minds constantly active. The thing that we’re most excited about as far as the music goes is this deluxe version, releasing new songs and doing full-band touring. 

Be sure to check out this dynamic duo's latest album on iTunes!

Finals week can be an absolute mess, especially when you’re trying to write several papers, study for multiple exams and pack up your belongings at the same time. But did you know that there are ways to get ready for finals even if you’re a month or two away from that terrifying time? Her Campus talked to collegiettes about their best practices for getting ready for finals—even in the month of March!

1. Talk to your professors if you need special accommodations

It may seem obvious, but it’s crucial to look at your academic calendar before it’s actually finals week! Since professors give out syllabi at the beginning of the semester, you should already have the due dates for most, if not all, of your final assignments. Start looking at what will be your most stressful points during finals week. Do you have three papers due in a 24-hour period? Do you have two finals scheduled at the same time? Now is the time to start looking at your options!

Megan Lucas, a junior at Wesleyan University, made the mistake of not looking over her calendar last semester, and it led to her most stressful finals week ever. “I really procrastinated seeing when my assignments were due, and when I made the realization that all four of my final papers needed to be turned in on either Thursday night or Friday morning, it was already too late to make alternative arrangements,” she says. “Many of my professors had told us earlier in the semester to contact them at least one week in advance to ask for paper extensions, and I felt so stupid for not taking the time to see if I needed these arrangements.”

Because of her experience, Megan encourages collegiettes to take time to map out what their last couple weeks of classes look like. “It doesn’t take much time to see how many papers and exams you have and when they’re due over the last two or three weeks of class,” she says. “Doing so will save you from having to pull two all-nighters fueled on stale coffee and Easy Mac!”

To avoid having a situation similar to Megan’s, start talking to your professors at least a couple of weeks in advance if you notice some conflicts in your schedule. Professors typically provide instructions for accommodating students in their syllabi, so be sure to consult that document first. Megan also recommends chatting with a professor during his or her office hours so that he or she will be able to write down your arrangements on the spot instead of rushing off after class.

Additionally, check with an administrator or professor to see if your college has any formal processes you need to go through to get a paper extension or an exam time change. It’s better to do this as far in advance as possible instead of getting frustrated during finals week!

2. Come up with study strategies and start your study guides early

Do you know off the top of your head how exactly you’re going to study for each of your classes or how you’re going to tackle each of your papers? If not, writing down your plan of attack should be something you do ahead of time in March before the finals week stress sets in! Make sure you nail down your study habits and strategies way before your exams.

Julie*, a sophomore at the University of Texas at Austin, tried to wing it during her first semester of college and felt totally lost in the process. “I hadn’t thought about how I was going to study for all the different exams I had,” she says. “Instead, I panicked, kind of just read everything over once or twice and went into all of my exams feeling completely unprepared and stressed.” Julie felt like her finals week was out of her control, and her grades suffered.

Following that experience, Julie decided she needed to save herself that same stress during her second semester in school. She researched different study strategies and talked to both her professors and a dean about how to better go about preparing for her exams. “I created study ‘road maps’ in late March and during the first couple weeks of April,” she says. “These included outlines of all the materials I’d learned thus far, schedules for how I was going to study everything and contact information for professors, TAs and tutors in case I had any questions.” Julie’s second-semester finals week went way better than her first one!

Want to get prepared like Julie? Talk to professors in their office hours about their suggestions for studying for their exams or tackling their papers. Julie also recommends talking to other students who’ve taken your classes in the past to see if they can offer any insights you can’t find anywhere else. How did they prepare for those exams? What information is the professor more likely to test you on? These are things to figure out before finals week to make your study time more effective and less stressful!

In addition for coming up with a plan for her finals preparation, Julie also started working on study guides for her exams even though it was only late March. “Some professors were nice enough to let me know what to start studying a month and a half before the final,” she says. “By the time finals week rolled around, I had most of my study guides complete!”

Julie also started organizing her notes and compiling her own study guides and outlines for her other classes. “I scribble a lot of stuff down in classes, and it was so nice to go back over my notes and decipher everything I’d written so far over the course of the semester,” she says. “It’s much easier to see what you have questions on when it’s March than when it’s the night before an exam!”

3. Find your study spaces well in advance

If you like a particular environment to study in, figure out where those spaces are or reserve them (if you need to)! What kinds of places do you work best in? Are there particular accommodations you need? For example, do you need an absolutely silent space like a library or empty classroom, or are you more productive with the ambient noise in cafes and coffeehouses? It’s better to get your study space in order now instead of waiting until the last second.

“During my freshman year, I found empty classrooms to do work in throughout the semester and just assumed that they’d be there during finals week,” Megan says. “However, little did I know that so many students like to use these classrooms when exams roll around, and since rooms have to be reserved through a request system, I kept getting booted out of classrooms by people who’d claimed them weeks ago.” Megan felt stressed about having her study environment change right before the most important time in the semester.

Not sure where your favorite places to study are? Use the rest of the semester to figure it out! It’s better to go into finals week with a plan instead of being stressed and unsure of how your week will work out.

It’s also a great time to reserve rooms if you have to. Colleges have different processes for reserving spaces (some make you go through your online student portal, others make you sign up for a time slot in person), so ask your peers, academics deans or professors to see how to reserve a room if you haven’t before!

4. Don’t forget to factor in all of the non-academic work you have to do

It’s so easy to get caught up in the finals week mayhem that you forget all of the other tasks you have to complete during your last week of school, like cleaning out your dorm or apartment. Packing seems simple; don’t you just throw everything into boxes and leave? But when you’re exhausted and stressed from exams and papers, trying to figure out how to pack everything up can be a gigantic hassle.

Jessica Pearl, a junior at the University of Florida, learned how difficult packing at the last second is the hard way her freshman year. “I had to move out less than 24 hours after my last two exams, and I just sort of assumed that I’d box everything up during that time,” she says. “Little did I know, packing is the biggest nightmare ever! I was extremely sleep deprived, hungry and fatigued, all while trying to pack a grand total of 11 boxes.”

When sophomore year rolled around, Jessica knew better. She started slowly packing up her room during the last week of March, putting away non-essential items that she never used in suitcases and boxes under her bed. “By the time finals week rolled around, I had around 85 percent of my room packed up,” she says. “I only left out clothes, toiletries and other small items I used on a daily basis, like my water bottle and hand sanitizer.” Jessica’s parents also visited her a couple weeks before school ended, so she had them bring some of her boxes home with them.

If you don’t live close to your campus, start looking at storage options for the summer. Many storage businesses send information to students via snail mail or email, but talking to the residential life staff, your RA or older students also helps (since they’ve gone through the process of summer storage before). Lots of colleges also provide information on these storage companies in their student centers or residential life offices, so those are definitely good places to check out!

If you don’t want to spend big bucks on these services, try storing items with friends or people in your dorm. The sooner you get your storage and moving situation set up, the less stressed you’ll be come finals week!

The end of the school year can either be incredibly stressful or totally doable if you start planning early. Follow these steps and keep that last-minute exam cramming to a minimum this spring!

*Name has been changed.

"Woman's best friend" doesn't even begin to cover how you really feel about your beloved pup, and the constant Instagrams of your adorable cat are beginning to make your friends and family a bit uneasy. No one understands you or loves you quite as unconditionally as your pets do (and vice versa). If these or any of the following statements apply to you, then there's a very real chance that your pet is actually your significant other. 

1. You sleep together. 

Whether your kitten curls up to snooze at the foot of your bed or you like to spoon with your dog all night long, if your pet is your cuddle buddy, that's the first sign that you're in a Relationship with a capital R. 

2. They kiss you. Often.

If you've ever crouched down to your beloved furry friend and said something along the lines of, "Give mommy kisses!" or if you can imagine what your pet's tongue feels like at this very moment, then this one definitely applies to you.

3. You have cute nicknames for them and you can usually be found cooing them in their direction. 

When you first got your pet, you named them. But since that moment, you've come up with about fifteen different nicknames associated with that name. So that animal who used to simply be called "Fluffy" is now known as "Fluffer Nutter,""Sir Fluffykins,""Fluff 'n' Stuff" and a dozen more names that are typically accompanied by lots of kissy noises.

4. You like to surprise them with their favorite meal. 

You give them their normal meals on the reg, but you like to go out of your way to get a super special meal for them once in a while. Whether it's fresh salmon for your kitty or some grilled chicken for your pup, you like to give them a little treat to remind them how much you love them. 

5. They are always so happy and excited to see you. 

Whether you've been gone for weeks or you just made a quick run to the grocery store, they're always smiling and ready to cover you with kisses and love the moment you walk back through the door. No one else makes you feel that at home! 

6. You talk to them about absolutely everything. 

When you come home, you tell them all about your day. If you're having a problem, they listen to you talk your way through it. No doubt about it, your pet is the absolute best listener - and sometimes, you can even tell what they're saying back to you.

7. You've said those three little words to them (more times than you can count!), and you know they feel the same way. 

Sometimes you just have to gather up all of your courage and tell somebody how you really feel - and in the case of your beloved pet, that took you about three seconds after meeting and holding them for the first time. You tell your pet you love them constantly, and you can tell by the look in their eyes that they love you, too.

8. They are in about half of your social media posts, if not more. 

They inspire hundreds of your Instagrams, Tweets and Facebook posts with their perfect, furry little face. You can't help it - you Snapchat them to everyone in your phone and you even consider uploading pics of them to Pinterest to add to your "Cute Animals" board.

9. They're your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye. 

But seriously, that whole goodbye thing is brutal. They know when you're leaving and they follow you all the way to the door, giving you sad eyes and trying to pursuade you to stay. "Don't worry," you tell them in your most reassuring voice. "I'll be back soon, I promise." 

And it's true - you'll always come back, if only to see their beautiful face again and cuddle them into oblivion. 

We’re constantly eating (because, duh), but there are actually some ingredients in common foods that nobody really knows about. Oftentimes, these ingredients aren’t even directly listed in the nutrition information, but disguised within words that don’t sound as alarming. This is one of the main reasons that people have allergic reactions, only to find out what’s really in their food when it’s too late. To prevent this and any uncertainty about what you’re eating, Her Campus has compiled a list of some of the most common hidden ingredients, along with their alternate names if you want to avoid them!

1. Rennet

Also called: Microbial enzyme (only for vegetable rennet)

Also known as the enzyme that comes from the stomachs of cows, lambs and other animals, rennet is an ingredient found in a majority of cheeses. While the amount used varies depending on the brand and type, it’s practically necessary for the process of making cheese, meaning it’s hard to avoid! This can be alarming to vegetarians, so try to stick to the cheeses that don’t have rennet. According to nutritionist, chef and author, Patty James, there is another way to obtain non-animal rennet (for those with vegan diets), but it still alarms some. “There is a source of genetically modified rennet derived from plants injected with cow genes,” James says.

2. Yellow Dye No. 5

Also called: Tartrazine, E102

Yellow Dye No. 5 is found not only in a lot of foods, but also in shampoo, cosmetics products and drinks. “A lot of processed cereals contain dyes, such as Yellow #5, which may contain traces of lead and arsenic,” says Jennifer Calo, clinical registered dietician and nutritionist at Compass Nutrition. Studies have shown that elements like arsenic and lead have caused a multitude of health problems in people around the world. Processed foods in general tend to contain dyes. James says that Yellow Dye No. 5 can also contain mercury, which is known for being toxic, and benzidine, which has been linked to bladder and pancreatic cancers.

3. Trans fats

Also called: Partially hydrated, mono- and di-glycerides

While this doesn’t sound as shocking, nearly one in 10 processed products sold in the U.S. contains trans fat, according to a study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. According to registered dietitian Adrienne Raimo, these can be found in anything from butter to chips. While avoiding trans fats altogether is ideal, it’s extremely difficult. Instead, the American Heart Association recommends that no more than 1 percent of your daily calories come from trans fats.

4. Sodium Nitrate

Also called: Nitrate of soda, Nitratine

Commonly found in hot dogs, bacon, jerky and other meats, sodium nitrate’s main purpose is to block the growth of bacteria. Though it may seem like something that would protect our health, a study done by the Cancer Research Center of Hawaii and the University of Southern California that suggests this preservative raises the risk for cancer. Studies have also shown that down the line, increased levels of nitrate can also lead to a higher possibility of death from diseases like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. The World Health Organization recommends “an Acceptable Daily Intake for humans of 5 mg sodium nitrate or 3.7 mg nitrate per kg body weight, which equals 222 mg for a 60-kg adult.”

5. Shellac

Also called: Resinous glaze, Confectioner’s glaze, Pure Food Glaze, Beetle Juice

You might know about shellac due to the gel manicure craze, but it’s also found in your food. Jellybeans and candy corn are coated with this ingredient to appear shiny. Harmless, right? Well, that depends on if you’re into eating secretions of the Kerria Iacca insect, because that’s what the substance is derived from. Watch out: You might even find this product in organic foods, such as on apples, to mimic their natural wax!

6. Rodent Hair

The FDA actually allows a certain amount of rodent hair for a variety of products. Their reasoning behind this is due to it being an “unavoidable defect.” As a result, these hairs are commonly found in cinnamon, chocolate and peanut butter.

If you were shocked by some of these ingredients, you probably haven’t been checking the nutrition labels on the food you eat. Even if you do, you might assume everything listed is safe, when that’s not always the case. While there are often alternative names, food companies are entirely aware of how often things go unnoticed, and will simply list the ingredients since the law requires them to. If you want to avoid things like shellac and rennet, it’s important to know what’s actually in your food!

Lady Gaga is known for breaking boundaries, both through her music and with her impeccable, sometimes bizarre, style. Although Lady Gaga is first and foremost known for her crazy looks, the singer has also been known to embrace her more elegant side. We think she looks fabulous no matter what she wears! Check out some of her best looks here:

1. Glitzy and Glam

Gaga looks positively radiant in what appears to be an outrageous twist on a power suit. The head-to-toe pink glitter has us thinking of a futuristic Barbie (in the best way possible). Although Gaga looks gorgeous, we’re confident she’s the only person who could pull off this look—especially those platforms.

2. Ethereal and Avant Garde

In one of her most iconic looks, Lady Gaga channeled Glinda the Good Witch in Armani Privé. The get-up, featuring studded tights and scary-high platform heels, is 100 percent avant garde, and Gaga looks absolutely stunning. 

3. Regal in Red

While she opted for a more conservative cut, Lady Gaga still showed her signature unconventional style when meeting Queen Elizabeth. Not many people can pull off a head-to-toe red leather ensemble, but Gaga manages to look elegant and poised.

4. Pretty Princess

Who knew Lady Gaga ever dreamed of being a princess? This feminine ensemble is a change of pace for the pop star. Although the pale gown and sparkling accessories are demure, Gaga couldn’t help but add a bit of offbeat edge with stick-on gems above her eyebrows.

5. Silver and Sultry

At the 2015 Grammy Awards, Gaga showed off a more sultry side in a strappy silver dress with a thigh slit that would make even Jessica Rabbit blush. Although for most stars this dress would hardly be considered “playing it safe,” for Gaga, it is one of her more subdued looks.

6.  Singing in Style

During her incredible Sound of Music tribute at the Oscars, Lady Gaga donned a beautiful iridescent dress. With her long hair styled naturally and minimal makeup, this might be the most “natural” look we’ve seen Gaga in yet.

Which Lady Gaga outfit is your favorite, collegiettes?

If you're anything like us, you've probably tried everything to coax your hair into growing longer—vitamins, hair masks, serums, the works. Turns out, there may be a much simpler answer to your prayers.

It's called "lunar haircutting," or, timing your haircut based on the lunar calendar. The concept is based on the idea that the moon has a pull on all living things, like the ocean tide. So by trimming your hair on days when this pull is stronger, you increase chances of hair growth.

And it's not some wacky new trend. The Farmers' Almanac, known for making long term weather predictions and offering gardening tips, includes a section that marks the best days to cut your hair in order to make it grow longer. 

This may seem a little far fetched, but the idea inspires a loyal group of believers, such as the professional hair product company Schwarzkopf. As stated on their website, "The waxing moon symbolises regeneration. Accordingly, this phase promotes hair generation and repair. You should cut your hair between the new and full moon if you want your hair to grow fast after a haircut." 

Hairstylist Jonathan Mason agrees. "For humans, water accounts for 60 to 80 percent of our body weight. The moon must have an effect on hair since the hair follicles are made of epithelial tissue that is comprised mainly of hydrogen and oxygen, the two elements that combine to form water."

Today marks an ideal hair growth day—so hurry up and book that appointment!

1. The Picasso Snap

Who knew you’d discover your creative calling on an app that has fewer tools than MS Paint? The Picasso Snap is the most time-consuming snap to create, which is a plus because it usually happens right before a deadline and right after you’ve exhausted other means of procrastination, such as cleaning your room and eating all the granola bars on your bedside table.

2. The “Effortlessly” Gorgeous Snap

You know what we’re talking about. It’s the one you send to the hot guy you’ve been flirting with that has a nonchalant caption—like, “bumming around in my room”—when in actuality you reapplied your makeup and took 10 snaps to get the perfect selfie. We’re sure he’ll chock it up to chance that you look like a supermodel on a lazy weekday—or, more accurately, in every Snapchat you send him. Ever.

3. The “You’re One of My BFFs” Snap

On the opposite end of the spectrum, this snap is reserved exclusively for your trustworthy friends, because you’re straining every muscle to make a weird face—think cross-eyed, flared nostrils and chins for days (thanks to a super-low camera angle). You know you’ve reached the gold level of friendship when you receive and send these snaps on the regular. There’s no better way tell a friend that you love and trust her than with a snap that really says, “my reputation is in your hands.”

4. The “You Better Not Screenshot This” Snap

On a more risqué note, this is the kind of snap that could ruin your career if someone took a screenshot. While many people keep their clothes on for Snapchat, there will always be a small subset who asks their snap recipients, “is it hot in here, or is it just me?” We’ll spare you the obscene example and instead show you a hilarious PG-13 version below.

5. The Celebration Snap

This snap is a fun way of sharing how you’re spending the major holidays, whether it be at a dysfunctional family dinner or at a romantic restaurant with your beau. Holiday snaps are great because they're more intimate than a mass text, but they take less work than personalized messages—because who has time type out someone’s name? The celebration snap is an easy way to spread holiday cheer and say, “Hey, look at all this pumpkin pie I shouldn’t be eating!”

6. The “I <3 My Pet” Snap

No matter the social media platform, it is always appropriate to give some screentime to your furry friends. The Pet Snap is the modern-day equivalent of whipping out your wallet to show off a million pictures of your baby (who probably has the same pose and expression in every picture). “Just look at those ears and that cute little nose! Doesn’t it make you want to eat him up?!” *cue embarrassing cooing noises*

7. The Point-and-Laugh Snap

Did you see a total WTF parking job or a bizarre flyer for whistling lessons that you can’t help but make fun of? This snap is a guilt-free (ish) way to share any ridiculousness that you encounter throughout your day—because taking an actual picture would just be mean.

8. The “My Life is Like a Movie” Snap

From being on the coast of France or at a rooftop party in NYC, you’re having an unreal experience, and you have to brag a little to your friends. This is usually a video snap that pans around for maximum exposure of the paradise that is your life. It’s the new, more socially acceptable way of saying, “Wish you were here, suckers!”

9. The Clever Caption Snap

If you don't have the luxury of hopping on a plane to an exotic destination, you can always create a priceless snap from your own imagination. A witty caption can turn an otherwise average picture into a brilliant example of thinking outside the box. The snap below proves the human race has really evolved from "sharing is caring."

Who needs to date campus cuties when you can date food? Mozzarella sticks would never forget to text you back and nachos wouldn't even think of cheating on you. Keep reading for a list of 10 foods that we think are better than any significant other you've ever had: 

1. Nutella 

All you need is a spoon and an appetite. Actually, you barely even need an appetite. You don't really need a spoon either.

2. Domino's Cheesy Bread & Cinna Stix

This is the threesome you've been waiting for. Ordering one without the other is grounds for expulsion from college.

3. Mozzerella sticks

Fried. Cheese. Lets move on.

4. Chipotle

Whether you're a fan of the burrito bowl, chips and guac or a fat burrito, just face it: ~*~Chipotle~*~ is your LIIIIFEEEEE.

5. Jimmy John's

It doesn't matter if you get the Italian Night Club or the Turkey Tom; we're all winners when we order late-night JJ.

6. Oreos with peanut butter

Making you happy since the age of four.

7. Nachos

Piled high with cheese, jalapeños, sour cream, guac and salsa, this is the perfect last meal before you faint of cheese overload.

8. Easy Mac

Who has time to cook an actual meal when you're so busy marathoning the new season of House of Cards?

9. Girl Scout Cookies

WHY DON'T GIRL SCOUTS HAVE TRACKING DEVICES ON THEM AT ALL TIMES.

10. Ice cream

It's scientifically proven that eating ice cream in your bed on Friday night is infinitely better than going out on a date with a human being.

Where did these TV characters get their names? [Complex]

Confessions of a spring break cabbie. [GQ]

Taco Bell is turning a biscuit into a taco. [Newser]

French fry alternatives to keep you bathing suit ready! [Spoon University]

Being a daughter summed up in 10 texts. [YourTango]

How to cook rice with less calories. [The Washington Post]

Why are so many girls not in school? [Upworthy]

Jimmy Kimmel quizzes people on NCAA teams that don’t exist. [Next Impulse Sports]

The trials and tribulations of being a major klutz. [PopSugar]

The Lily Pulitzer for Target lookbook has arrived! [Racked]

American Apparel is making headlines again after a leaked email for a casting call said that “Instagram hoes” would not be welcome.

The email, sent by casting agent PhotoGenics, called for models to attend the March 18 casting at American Apparel’s Los Angeles office. The message, written in all caps, read: “Company is going through a rebranding image so will be shooting models moving forward. Real models. Not Instagram hoes or THOTS.” (THOT is an acronym for "that hoe over there.")

According to PhotoGenics agency director Phira Luon, who reportedly wrote the email, the note was only meant to be seen by a select few who would be attending the call.

"The comment made at the end was made in jest with models whom I have a personal relationship with and did not reflect the views, or directives by the client. I apologize to all those who were offended or affected by my comments, as it was not my intention,” she told Animal NewYork.

The casting agency took full responsibility for the email and Luon even addressed it in the New York Post as “an inappropriate, off-color joke that was not intended to defame the client’s name or philosophy/views in any way.”

Cynthia Erland, American Apparel senior vice president of marketing, reemphasized that the message was not sent by the company, and doesn't represent its views. On Tuesday, the company posted a photo to Facebook with the caption: “This is American Apparel, always has been and always will be. We love all of our models, all shapes and sizes. ‪#‎welovediversity ‪#‎weloveyouall!”

“It’s just completely false that American Apparel is only using professional models, and we have had and continue to have public casting calls on our calendar. We continue to look for diverse models of all sizes and backgrounds that look great in our clothes, and these open casting calls play a key role. Suggestions to the contrary are the result of a deeply offensive email written by an employee of a casting agency, PhotoGenics, with which American Apparel will no longer be working,” Erland said in a statement sent to MSNBC on Thursday.

American Apparel is seemingly trying to move past recent scandals and public controversies. The company made headlines numerous times in the last year, most recently for airbrushing nipples in online advertisements for lingerie.

The company appointed Paula Schneider as CEO in January. The change in leadership comes after the now-former CEO, Dov Charney, was fired in December amid sexual misconduct allegations. All eyes are on Schneider now, as the public hopes the new CEO can tone down the brand. 

Snag your copy of The Her Campus Guide to College Life: How to Manage Relationships, Stay Safe and Healthy, Handle Stress, and Have the Best Years of Your Life and get it signed by Her Campus co-founder and co-author Windsor Hanger Western in Atlanta at Barnes & Noble Edgewood Retail on Tuesday April 14 from 6-7pm! Invite your friends on Facebook and RSVP below!

Whether you're already an upperclassman or are just getting ready to go off to college next fall, our book has everything you need to survive and thrive on campus when it comes to all aspects of your life. Don't miss this opportunity to pick co-author Windsor's brain about college life, starting Her Campus, and more! 

RSVP here:

The first time I met my now-boyfriend, I was wearing pigtails and a German beer girl costume, and he was dressed as Batwoman in heels and a pushup bra. It was the fall of his sophomore and my junior year of college, and he had long hair, a girlfriend and identified as a gay girl.

Over the next few months, we found excuses to hang out in groups of mutual friends, harmlessly flirting without conscious intent. Yet our eyes began to catch as a momentary indulgence, shelved between misdirected rationalizations. She’s straight, he thought of me. Parker’s gay, I thought, but I’m pretty sure I’m straight. Wait, am I?I’m not attracted to any other female-bodied people. But then he cut his hair short. And then someone called him “he” for the first time and it felt correct in a way that “she” never had. And then he bought his first chest binder and learned that the term for the gut-wrenching anxiety he felt when looking in the mirror was called gender dysphoria.

By March of my senior year, while he was picking out Goodwill sport coats and I a graduation dress, I had a full-blown crush and the sudden realization that I was about to miss my chance. We were both dating other people, dealing with identity issues and surviving college, but I silently promised myself that before graduation, I would work up the courage to kiss Parker. When we finally did, a future together seemed instantly inevitable. We spent that giddy summer learning each other’s boundaries, navigating hesitations, realities and runaway dreams. Although I felt certain I wanted to be with him, I balked every time we talked about telling our friends. I was moving 800 miles away in 60 days: how dare we fall in love now, especially after spending years being just a mile away from one another?

The bigger question, however, was that I was unsure of how having a transgender boyfriend would change my identity. Would my friends think I was gay? Parker wasn’t using male pronouns with most people yet. Would I care if they thought I was gay? This was all new to me: I never had to re-evaluate my entire identity and ethical priorities each time I went on a date with a cisgender guy. One of the first times we went out together in public some guy made aggressive eye contact with Parker when he went to grab my hand. What if Parker and I don’t work out? Is it worth all this effort to figure out who I am and what I care about?

And how do you tell your mom that your boyfriend actually has a female name on Facebook? It took me three months to tell my mom about the best person to ever happen to me, and my mom is the loveliest, most understanding person in the world. In the past, she had never missed a clue and always seemed to know when I was dating someone, but she totally missed it with Parker. I talked about him constantly, I hung out with him every single day, I flew him down to visit me in Georgia a month after I moved, and still, she never asked. I told myself I’d tell her when she stopped accidentally using female pronouns with him. I told myself I’d wait for her to ask, because that would mean she had already thought about all the questions that I hadn’t yet worked out on my own—if I was gay, if biological grandkids were off the table—and I could cop out and just say "yes." And when I finally confessed that Parker was more than a friend, I didn't feel an immediate release. It took months for her to ask the questions she needed to ask and months for me to know the answers.

However, your mother isn't the only one who will ask you personal questions. When it comes up that you have a transgender boyfriend, people don’t recite the normal pleasantries. Aw, where did you meet? How long have you been dating? No—when it comes up that your boyfriend is transgender, the most common remark is So... How does that work? The conversations that result can be friendly and harmless, but sometimes turn unacceptably invasive. What was his girl name? Do you miss penises? Is your boyfriend going to get one?

Things you’ve never thought twice about become issues you have to constantly anticipate. Changing your profile picture to a photo of you and him makes you wonder if the older neighbor you’re friends with on Facebook will unfriend you, and you ask yourself if you care. When your boyfriend is gone too long when he goes to the bathroom, you immediately wonder if he’s facing harassment for using the women’s restroom (since he doesn’t completely pass as female) or for using the men’s restroom (since he doesn’t completely pass as male.) You’ll see him being denied service at a bar, and when you go up to check on him, the bartender immediately takes your order. You feel the fight rising from your stomach but your boyfriend says no, it’s not that big of a deal, it’s happened to him hundreds of times. You hear a politician on the news holding hands with his wife saying “I mean, gay people can do whatever they want, just don’t shove it in my face!” Meanwhile, you’re too afraid to hold your boyfriend’s hand in certain parts of the country. You will hear preachers on the street, or even someone in your life, tell you that nothing you ever do, no good you ever contribute nor successes you achieve, will be enough to cancel out the sin of your own existence. You had always figured you were going to be legally married someday, but now, your boss will ask you if your boyfriend is bringing a ring with him when he moves in with you this summer, and you will smile and laugh it off because he meant it lightheartedly and you don’t want to answer, “Well, we can’t legally marry here, so either we need to change the law or spend thousands of dollars on gender confirmation surgery in order to get his gender marker to be legally male!”

And my experiences are negligible compared to what people who are visibly queer go through. I retain immense straight privilege, since I read as a cisgender straight woman when I’m not with my boyfriend. People use the word “faggot” around me and don’t understand why I could possibly not be okay with that. They give me a hard time for not being easy going when I call them out for using a word that, even in its South Park definition of “obnoxious and annoying,” is an epithet against queer people, since the word uses the perceived obnoxiousness of visible queerness as a yardstick. Jesus, Chloe, let it go. You know I’m not actually homophobic. Why do you even care? Are you gay or something? I’m ashamed that I waited for it to be personal to begin standing up against discrimination.

Parker and I are incredibly lucky. For one, we’re stupidly in love and each other’s best friends and make each other happier than we thought possible, but also, our community is mostly supportive. If I had strictly Christian parents, I would have either never worked up the courage to officially date him or been forced to keep the love of my life secret. Or what if I worked for a company that didn’t have a welcoming environment, where I would feel like my job was jeopardized by bringing my boyfriend to the holiday party? I’m fortunate that my company offers full domestic partnership benefits and that there are visibly queer people in upper management—and in our city, as Parker is currently applying for jobs, he can feel reasonably sure that an HR rep won’t disqualify him on the basis of gender identity. Furthermore, we’re both white, which means we only have to deal with one layer of discrimination and not more. We also are financially secure and in our twenties, so if something were to happen or we did have homophobic parents, we wouldn’t become homeless, as so many LGBTQ+ youth do.

It’s taken me a long time to understand my own queer identity—even to admit I have one. I felt like I was lying if I said I was queer, because I am someone who identifies as female who is attracted to someone who identifies as male. Am I devaluing Parker’s masculinity by saying that I am not straight just because he is not cisgender? Am I appropriating the experiences of “real” queer people by admitting that I have to deal with things I’ve never confronted in cisgender straight relationships? How could I possibly know what it’s like when I get to choose if I am treated as queer or as straight, when Parker has no other option? But as a person who is not visibly queer dating a trans guy who doesn’t always pass as male, I do understand some of what it’s like, just as a white woman dating a black man will experience the world differently than a white woman dating a white man. My sexuality is still straight, but I am part of the queer community.

It didn’t take courage for me to fall in love with Parker. It was the easiest thing in the world, just like all the stories you’ve ever heard about love and happy endings. But it did take courage to kiss him for the first time, and it took courage to tell people about it. That doesn’t make me a hero—anyone looking for brave people to lionize should research transmisogyny and go worship the ground a transgender woman of color walks on—but our imperfect society is a reality that anyone in their first queer relationship will have to confront. Don’t let it stop you.

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