Responsibilities are like bears. You want to run away from them. They're grizzly, intimidating, and follow you around no matter how hard you try to escape them. Nothing's going to make them magically disappear, but next-level procrastinators know how to tip-toe around them for as long as possible. Keep procrastinating and read on.
1. All of the tabs on your laptop are open, but none of them have anything to do with that 14-page research paper you’re “working on.”
You might not have a single word on your PowerPoint, but on the bright side, you now know everything that’s happening in Selena Gomez’s life, a life hack on how to properly peel fruits and what kind of Disney Princess you are thanks to BuzzFeed.
2. Organizing your closet has never felt so tempting.
There’s nothing like rearranging all the clothes you’ve ever owned by color, size, season, occasion, sleeve length and likelihood of your roommate borrowing it.
3. Suddenly, you are STARVING.
Everything looks good right about now. Only have dried onion crisps and half a bottle of mustard? It’ll do.
4. You often realize how long it’s been since your last beauty routine.
Deep-conditioning your hair, using a cucumber mask, filing/ clipping/ painting your nails – it has been TOO dang long. Time to break out the beauty scrub.
5. There are zero prospective new shows to watch on Netflix.
You did it. You have completely exhausted your resources, and when one’s queue is empty, so is their soul.
6. Your Pinterest game is too strong.
Sure, you have the typical beauty board, food file and fairytale wedding picks, but things have gotten a bit out of hand. You’ve reached over 6,000 pins, distributed among more than 100 boards, which range from “Special Effects Make-Up” to “Pickle-Based Thanksgiving Recipes.”
7. Each time you think about the actual task at hand, shooting pangs immediately cloud your train of thought.
Okay, time to buckle down and – AHH, what?! What is this feeling of utter loathing? Ehh, it can wait.
8. You’d rather call Great Aunt Gertie than open your binder.
What’s that, Great Aunt Gertie? Miscreants in your neighborhood won’t stop shaking violently in the streets? What part of their – oh, no, Gertie. That’s called twerking.
9. It’s never too early to start making your birthday wish list.
The best thing about making lists is that you’re technically doing something without doing anything! It’s the best kind of catch-22.
10. Your schedule is color-coded to a T.
Highlighted, Post-It noted, dog-eared and sticker-coated – the only thing brighter than the blank essay page blaring at you from the your computer screen is your agenda book.
11. All of your Instagram photos are edited to the high heavens.
You’re the queen of VSCO cam. You have every filter name and level of contrast memorized, but of course you still have your go-to’s.
12. You know exactly what your current SO and all of your former beaus are up to lately.
An investigation of the smirky face emoji commented on your SO’s profile pic by a girl in their stats class started the search. One thing led to another, and now you not only know the whereabouts and interests of your crush, but also all that your former flames have been up to.
13. You never pass up a chance for some quality bonding time... with yourself.
See that mirror over there? Of course, you do! Time to spend fifteen-plus minutes pretending to be a secret agent and practicing your smize.
14. You have all of today's top hits memorized.
If this whole paper thing doesn't work out, you could always break out into the music biz.
15. Nothing fuels you like a text from your friend asking why you're not done with your assignment yet.
Oh, you finished two weeks ago? Well, I organized my closet, got 244 likes on my last Insta and had a delicious onion crisp-mustard casserole. Who's the real winner here?
Alright, you finished the article. Time to take a hint from Shia and get going on those assignments!
