Getting to know your new campus cutie can be an exciting experience in the beginning, from the cute texts that you exchange throughout the day to the hours that you spend on the phone late at night.
But there comes a time in almost every relationship when you both agree to give each other a little history lesson about who you’ve been with and how far along things got. Sometimes, opening up to people about our sexual history causes us to get a little uncomfortable and it can even cause some women to “edit” their numbers a little bit because they’re afraid of being judged. But, let us let you in on a (not-so-little) secret: Your number doesn’t actually matter and we’re ready to tell you why!
1. It doesn’t change who you are
Your number doesn’t change you nor does it define who you are. “I think every college woman has a right to have sex or not whenever it’s the right thing for her,” says Iris Goldsztajn, a junior at the University of California, Los Angeles. “There is no time when a number comes to define a person (except at the DMV) and the number of people you’ve slept with is so completely irrelevant to who you are.” In short, don’t feel as though you have to feel bad for being sexually empowered.
2. The past is the past
Stop putting so much emphasis on whom you’ve been with and whom your significant other has been with. The more important thing to focus on is the relationship that the two of you have now and how you both can maintain it. And to maintain the stability of your relationship would mean to leave the past in the past. “In any relationship, holding people accountable for what they have done in the past is not healthy for the relationship,” says relationship expert Kim Olver. “Relationships are better based on how people treat each other in the present relationship. If you want to know the past because you are attempting to use it to determine the future, the conversation would be better had about values. This will keep the conversation based in the present.” Focus on the future goals of your relationship with your SO rather than hanging their past over their head.
3. It’s your number and no one else's
Your number, your business. If you don’t feel comfortable letting people know your sexual history, then you shouldn’t feel obligated to. “The past is a place where little power lies since we cannot change it,” Olver says. “What two people did before getting involved with each other is no one’s business.” A number is personal and you and your partner both have every right to keep that information to yourselves.
Remember, your worth isn’t determined by your sexually adventurous nature. So don’t ever let anyone make you feel ashamed of your sexual experiences. Your number is irrelevant and the right person will see that someday.