Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
I’ve been dating this military guy for 4 and a half years. When we first met, he lived only an hour away. It was still a distance, but we made it work. This past year, he was stationed halfway across the country. I wasn't able to go because I got accepted into a competitive school program. We figured I would finish school here, make long distance work, and eventually move out to join him. Here's the catch: He hasn't said, "I love you." As a result, I feel like the relationship has become stagnant, and it's even brought me to feel anger against him. So can he really expect me to up and leave once I graduate to live with him when he doesn't want to say it or show any form of commitment? He says that inviting me out there is commitment enough. Throughout this time, he knows how hesitant I’ve been about moving out there – he just thinks that him not using the three words is a bad reason for me to hesitate. Am I wrong to feel like I shouldn’t go out there? – Sincerely, Let it Go Too Far
Too Far,
I’m curious. In more than four years, he has never said “I love you”? Maybe you should reconsider if you really want to be in this relationship. You said it yourself; it’s become stagnant. It’s hard to pump up the passion from a distance, admittedly, but there’s obviously some disconnect here.
I can understand his point that even just telling you he wants you to move with him is a big gesture as is. It is! That means something! But I also understand your hesitance to move with him if he won’t even tell you he loves you. So really, neither of you are totally in the wrong.
You’re just not communicating these issues. Neither of you are.
That’s what you really need to do. This is a big move to make. The two of you need to sit down and talk about it, and you need to voice your concerns. See how he reacts to those concerns. If he shrugs them off without any reassurance, maybe you don’t actually need to move there. If he tells you why the move means so much to him, maybe you should.
What this boils down to is a lack of communication. If you two can’t even talk to each other about something this big… well, maybe that’s a sign of things to come anyway.
