Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
In January, my ex and I split up after almost three years [together]. It was very hard to deal with, but I needed out. He was too controlling and I was scared it would get worse. After the breakup, I found comfort in his best friend. I developed feelings for this best friend, and we began hooking up. After a few months, it ended because he didn't have the same feelings. I went to a bar to drown my sorrows in Fireball whiskey, and I had sex with my ex's other best friend. I know that this is an awful situation. I should not have gone after his best friends, but I cannot change what happened. People have asked my ex about his friends and me. He has confronted me, and I say nothing happened. I don't want to lie to him, but I know this will hurt him more than anything. I feel so guilty. Please tell me what to do! I'm in desperate need of some help. – Worthless at WVU
WVU,
Whew. In my opinion, you’ve made your bed—now you have to lie in it (no pun intended). Here’s the thing, though: you’re telling me that you “don’t want to lie to him,” but you already did. At this point, if you don’t want to hurt him anymore, just don’t talk to him about it. I’m not telling you to continue lying, but the two of you broke up. Unless you really feel like you have to tell him what you did, I don’t see a reason to. The fact that you slept with two of his best friends —really going for the throat there, huh?—will just send him over the edge. I guarantee it.
So you already lied to him. If you know that telling him the truth will hurt him more than anything, don’t tell him. Ignorance, in this case, is bliss. You really screwed him over here. I understand that he might have been controlling, and maybe if you two had stayed together it would have gotten worse, but I don’t think that excuses your actions.
My other tips? First, don’t drown your sorrows in any kind of alcohol. Been there, done that. Not healthy, emotionally or physically. Second, try not to have revenge sex with your ex’s best friends. There are so many other guys you could have hooked up with, and the last people you should have gone after are his friends. Finally, unless you really feel like you have to tell him, let it go. You made a mistake. You’re young; you’ll get over it. So will he.
I’m guessing he already knows the truth, though. Honestly? His friends probably told him already. I think he’s confronting you because he wants to hear you admit it yourself and, when you do, he’ll finally be able to say goodbye… probably with an added “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”