I cheated on my boyfriend last year, and we had been dating on and off for three years. I have moved on with someone else, however, there are times when I want to talk to him about what happened since it was such a messy ordeal. I only kissed another guy and I didn't even get to tell him myself; my friend was the one who told him I cheated, but she made up some pretty nasty stuff and things went way too far. I tried telling him at the time but he didn't believe me, we were both so upset, like I said I made a mess of things trying to fix it. Still to this day I've held my tongue and not rid [him] of all the lies that filled his head. What should I do? Just let it go, or should I try talking to him? At the end of the day, I guess it doesn't really matter; it's just that we were so close with each other and now I can't even hold a decent conversation with him. I suppose he wouldn't really care about me anyway? – Messy in Massachusetts
Massachusetts,
I don’t think it’s fair to assume that he doesn’t care about you. If anything, I think he’s so upset with the situation because he cares so much about you — and the fact that you would betray his trust like that (even just a kiss can do that) probably pushed him over the edge. Understandable. No guy wants his girlfriend to kiss another guy.
You can’t change the past, though. What’s done is done. Now, the issue is how you move forward with the situation, or whether or not it’s even possible to move forward.
I can’t give you a definitive timeframe of how long it might take the guy to get over everything, if he isn’t over them already. If he is over them and just isn’t talking to you, then let it be. You’re the one that cheated; I think you needing closure is a little much. I think you should try to talk to him, but give the man some space beforehand. If it’s over, it’s over.
If anything, you should really consider who’s really your friend. Anyone who goes out of his or her way to ruin a relationship like that isn’t worth the trouble.
