Classic girl excuses: We’ve all heard them, and we’ve all used them. They can get us out of virtually any situation, whether it’s class, a test, a bad date or plans with our mom. Text? What text? We probably didn’t get it because we were at our aunt’s birthday party and then forgot to respond because we got food poisoning from the cake. Yeah, that’s totally what happened. You believe us, right?
1. “I have so much to do.”
“I’ve just been so busy; I can’t seem to catch up!”
But really…
We have nothing to do at all and we intend to keep it that way. We just figure that if we act like tense lunatics, people will leave us to ourselves and we can binge watch Netflix.
2. “It’s my cousin’s/brother’s/uncle’s/best friend’s/cat’s birthday.”
“And the party is like, so far away, and it’ll be an all-day thing. Maybe even an all-night thing.”
But really…
We committed to plans too quickly, and now we're just thinking of any logical excuse to get out of whatever it is we want to get out of.
3. “What? I totally never got your text!”
“That’s crazy! Are you sure it was the right number? Did it say it was delivered?”
But really…
We got your text, but we didn't feel like responding. Sorry we're not sorry.
4. “I had an awful day.”
“You don’t even understand. It was literally awful.”
But really…
We're just in a flat-out b*tchy mood and we don’t really have an explanation for it, so for justification, we’ll just pretend we had the day from hell.
5. “I think I have food poisoning.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to come near me. It’s probably best if I just lay low until that bad batch of shrimp passes through me.”
But really…
We really don’t want to go out, and food poisoning is the perfect excuse: We can totally pull it off as a quick 12-hour bug and be back in public by tomorrow. Is a night on the couch without human contact too much to ask for?
6. “I have killer cramps.”
“…and bloating, back pains and extreme irritability, so back off.”
But really…
We simply don’t feel like getting out of bed. There's no way anyone will try to argue any excuse related to Aunt Flo, and we will use that to our power until the day we leave this earth. If we don’t want to do something, blame it on the period. It works like a charm.
7. “My nails are wet.”
We don’t want to smudge a fresh manicure, now do we?
But really…
These suckers have been dry for a half hour, but until someone figures that out, we're going to milk this for all that we can. “I’d totally help you move the furniture to vacuum, but I just painted my nails and they’re a little wet still.”
8. “My friend really needs me right now.”
“She’s in a really bad place. I don’t want to miss out, but I can’t leave her alone.”
But really…
She needs someone to split drinks and the two-for-$20 meal deals at Applebee's with. What kind of friend would leave someone hanging in that kind of situation? Plus, it was her idea to use her emotional distress as the excuse, so blame her.
9. Crying.
Stone-cold crying.
But really…
We’re honestly not that upset, but if we run out of excuses, a fake mental breakdown always does the trick.
