When going through a dry spell, recovering from a recent breakup or successfully maintaining your perpetually single lifestyle, it can seem like the entire world suddenly cares about your love life. Everyone from long-lost friends from high school to old neighbors and family friends whom you haven’t seen in a while all seem to ask the same dreaded question: “Are you seeing anyone?”
They don’t mean any harm; they’re just trying to ask you about your life. But when you’re so used to hearing this question and so annoyed of saying, “no,” sometimes it’s fun to switch up your responses. Here are 21 different way to respond to those curious minds.
1. “Yes, I’m actually seeing three different people right now… on different continents. I’m really good at multitasking and communicating.”
2. Walk away.
3. Burst into tears and babble hysterically until he or she apologizes: “I thought you knew… he was in the gross anatomy lab… my friend called me asking for my favorite pizza topping… he was with cadavers all day… she never knew I hated pepperoni… and then there was the snake tattoo on his arm…”
4. “I’m going to Rome for a year and I don’t want to be tied down when I’m surrounded by all those Italian men who are just dying to bring me home to their mothers and feed me homemade pasta.”
5. “I’m definitely in a relationship with Barefoot Moscato. Does that count?”
6. “I’m joining a convent. I’m really looking forward to taking that vow of chastity.”
7. “I’m on a boycott. You know, a boy-cott.”
8. “No… but someone proposed to me at a bar last week. Does that count?”
9. “Have you heard of this ‘hook-up culture?’ I think I’m a lifetime member.”
10. “I’m in love with myself. Isn’t that enough?”
11. “Not exactly… I just joined a cult where we don’t believe in any sort of lasting, committed relationships. We just use one another to keep the population populated.”
12. “I see people all the time. I’m seeing you right now!”
13. “Actually, I’ve found paper folding and basket weaving to be a better use of my time. Those are two of my new favorite hobbies, you know, since I’m single.”
14. “Well, I’ve started training my dog for the circus, so that takes up a considerable amount of time.”
15. Pull him or her aside and whisper, “Did my mother tell you to ask me that?!”
16. “Ughhh, I only ever match with weird guys on Tinder!”
17. “I’ll be honest. I am ‘on the prowl,’ but guys just don’t seem to be picking up what I’m putting down.”
18. “Yes, and he’s already got two kids of his own, so you’ll get those grandchildren you’ve been waiting for!”
19. “My dog fulfills my need for companionship. So do my cats… and my guinea pig.”
20. “Have you seen the majority of the male population lately?!”
21. Point to a random guy and say, “Him. We just don’t like to interact in public settings.”
