We’ve all heard a million times since our pre-pre-collegiette days in elementary school: honesty is the best policy. Cool, we get it. But sometimes, telling the absolute truth isn’t always going to sway in your favor. As we’ve said before, when it comes to relationships, some things are just better left unsaid. So where do you draw the line between a friendly conversation and a complete over-share? Well, we’ve got you covered with our 15 secrets that you just should not tell your boyfriend—beware of the TMI!
“My period is really heavy today!”
He gets it: you’re a girl and you get your period. He probably even passed high school sex-ed with flying, crimson colors. That being said, just because he knows it biologically happens monthly, doesn’t mean he needs to know exactly when it’s happening, and he especially doesn’t want heavier details. If it’s a crime scene in your pants, please, keep it to yourself. Telling him “I’m on my period” is detail enough.
“Ugh, I’m just feeling so gassy today.”
Apparently, some guys missed the bio lesson that went over that one minor, yet hugely major, detail: we all go to the bathroom—I know, I was shocked too when I first found out (Ryan Gosling? Bathroom? What?). So now that we’re all on the same page about bodily functions, let’s get a few more things straight. Just because you’re feeling a little, well, a little bubbly per say, doesn’t mean you should go off flaunting your flatulence to your boyfriend. He knows you go, but at the same time, he doesn’t need to know you go. You catch my drift?
“You know, you’re the smallest guy I’ve ever been with… down there. It’s okay though!”
Nothing says, “I’m really into you” like an insult exchanged in bed. Not only is it a major slap in the face, but it’s also a complete mood crusher. He’s never going to want to get physical with you with that constantly ringing in his head—you might as well have just castrated him and sent him out into the wild.
“I can’t tell if I prefer the scented or unscented tampons more.”
Tampons gross guys out, whether they smell like roses or otherwise. Even unopened and unused, your boyfriend is likely to squirm at the thought. So take the debate to Google, your girlfriends, or any girl you happen to run into during a bathroom break.
“You know, you’re physically not my type.”
We’ve all fallen for that guy outside of our comfort zone. Whether he’s shorter than you, thinner than you, or that surfer dude that you would usually never look twice at, we can’t help who we crush on. But, just because you picked someone from outside the box, doesn’t mean you need to share it. Would you like it if your boyfriend told you he usually goes for leggy blondes whose last full meal was from inside the womb? Yeah, we didn’t think so either…
“My bra is padded.”
Guys can be simple-minded. Let him believe they’re real. A little white lie and a hint of mystery never hurt anyone (at least, not to our knowledge).
“I have a foot fungus. Wanna see?”
Nope, just nope. Feet are gross and do we even have to go over our thoughts on fungus?
“No one actually flosses daily… and brushing your teeth twice a day? Why do you think they invented gum? Duh.”
Hygiene. We’re all about it, all the time. Good, clean fun never hurt a soul.
“Yeah, my friends and family totally hate you. They think I can do like, way better.”
Way to stroke his ego! No one likes to hear that they’re hated (no matter how often you say that you just don’t care), especially when it comes to the people that matter most in their significant other’s life. Sure, they can’t stand him, but does he really need to know they hate his guts? Yeah, unnecessary.
“You mom kind of, really, definitely sucks.”
The woman raised him. She changed his dirty diapers (‘cause everyone goes to the bathroom), read his incomprehensible third grade essays, wiped the shmutz off his face, and you know, gave him life—NBD. No matter how much he says he can’t stand her, keep your mouth shut… because at the end of the day, she’s still his mother and you’re just the ex who trash-talked her.
“UGH, constipated again!”
And we’re back to the bodily functions, or lack thereof this time around. We’re all for open relationships, but sometimes discussing the dirty details can get a little awkward, and definitely pretty gross. If you want to complain about your “backed up” issues, call your girlfriends.
“My thighs are so fat.”
Everyone has their own insecurities, even your guy lacks confidence from time to time—we’re all only human (except for the Twilight cast, apparently they’re actually immortal vampires? Weird.). It’s completely fine to whine every once in a while about whatever’s bothering you. But a constant stream of complaints? That’s not only irritating and annoying, but also it’s not hot. Guys want a girl who’s comfortable in her own skin. Faking confidence will eventually lead you to believing it.
“The last guy that broke my best friend’s heart, well, let’s just say we showed him.”
Seeking revenge on your ex? Totally fine, he probably deserved it anyway. Sharing it with your current boyfriend? Eh, not so cool. Depending on how you word it and the evil glimmer shinning in your eye, it’s likely to be misconstrued as a threat, and he’ll wind up skipping town before you have the chance to back-stalk his old text messages.
“I get hit on all the time. I breathe and guys swarm.”
You’re hot and guys notice, congratulations (gag)! But just because you’re the latest “it” attraction on the block, doesn’t give you bragging rights to flaunt this all over town. Your boyfriend obviously knows you’re attractive and doesn’t need to know that every living human is trying to get with you. Making him jealous for no reason is so last year.
“I definitely make more money than you do.”
Nobody likes a bragger. Let this one slip, and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Money can’t buy love, duh.
Any we missed? What would you never share with your boyfriend? Share it with us in the comments!