Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
I was hooking up with this guy on and off for two months, but we still texted even if it wasn't just to meet up. I drunk dialed him recently and left a voicemail in which I can't remember what I said. I texted him the next morning apologizing, and he blew me off by never replying. My friend told me that I said I liked him, but after two months that seems pretty normal to me. He used to call me pet names and be really sweet, and his friend even told me that he really liked me, but after one drunk voicemail, he's out. Is there a chance that he ever really cared about me? –Don’t Drink and Dial at Duke
Duke,
I think you might have scared him off a little bit. That isn’t to say that he never really cared about you, but going from hooking up to having a girl drunkenly word-vomit her feelings to you would be enough to shake any guy up… especially if she came around the next morning apologizing for everything she said.
Ignoring texts and calls is a common defense for men. When women start to text us too much or we feel like we’ve gotten in too deep, sometimes guys pull back. Excuses like “I didn’t hear my phone go off” and “I was really busy” are used frequently, but only if a guy even bothers to eventually respond. Sometimes, as in your case, it’s as simple as cutting the cord and ignoring everything.
I’m not saying it’s okay for guys to do that. I don’t condone it, even if I myself have done it. I’ve always thought that honesty was the best route, even if someone’s feelings end up getting hurt. With honesty, at least you know where you stand and why. When you silently cut ties, the other person is left wondering what the hell just happened.
To me, it sounds like this guy never really considered developing a real relationship with you. He was nice and called you pet names because he didn’t want to lose the possibility of hooking up with you. So when you called him and let the feelings pour out, it opened his eyes. Even if he liked you, maybe he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, or maybe that’s just something he didn’t ever want.
None of this should reflect poorly on you, though. If he didn’t want to go any further, he at least owed you an explanation as opposed to simply ignoring you. It happened, you apologized and he needs to man up and accept that regardless of how he feels. Since he probably won’t do that––at least not any time soon––I think the best thing you can do is move on. We’ve all made mistakes, and maybe this particular guy was just a stepping-stone on your way to finding a guy whom you can actually develop a real relationship with.