We’ve all been there: Our friend comes to us with a MAJOR problem, and the next hour is filled with tears, a whole lot of venting and maybe some chocolate. Since we’re such good friends, we sit with her, dry her tears and comfort her with some wise words of wisdom.
Despite being young adults, we like to think we have all the answers to our friends’ problems. Even though we have the best intentions when we give others guidance, more often than not, we never actually take to heart ourselves the advice we dole out. It’s not that we’re hypocritical; it’s just hard to listen to our own advice. Here’s a list of all the pieces of advice we love to give but hate to take.
1. Maaaaybe you shouldn’t hook up with him.
Your friend has been obsessing about this guy she met on Tinder for DAYS. Apparently he’s the perfect combination of charming and carefree, but you can’t seem to get over his muscle-tee profile picture or “Work Hard, Play Harder” tagline. When she sees him at a party Saturday night, it takes all your strength to hold her back and remind her that she deserves better than a guy who routinely calls her “bro.” He may be cute, but let’s have some standards here.
Of course, you totally ignore your bestie’s warnings when you see that guy you used to hook up with freshman year. Sure, he never texted you back and mostly ignores you when you pass him on campus, but he’s smiling at you now and offering you a beer, and you can’t help but want to go full-on make-out right here, right now. It’s not your fault that you’re attracted to guys who play hard to get! The heart wants what it wants. #noregrets
2. For the millionth time, don’t text your ex. I’m begging you.
Part of the moving-on process is that essential 30-minute debate of if you should text your ex. As an outside observer, you’ve talked your friend out of many drunken (and sober) phone calls even though they “were soul mates,” she misses him or, “saying hi isn’t that big of a deal!” No matter how many times you remind her, she still does it anyway, and you’re the one who has to deal with her sobbing into her pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Maybe if she just took your advice, she wouldn’t be listening to Adele. Again.
Then Saturday night rolls around, and your second glass of wine has convinced you that a simple “what’s new” text to your ex shows that you still care, but not too much. It’s not like you’re looking for anything; you just want to make sure he knows that you’re doing fine without him. And really, it’s so casual that it doesn’t even matter, right? It’s just ONE text. You’re totally over it, though. Promise.
3. Well, life isn’t fair, so suck it up.
In the dining hall, your friend, who’s on the verge of tears, says that she didn’t get that leadership position she wanted. She keeps whining about how she’s more qualified than the other candidate, plus it’s just ridiculous that people didn’t like her speech! It just isn’t fair. Why is this happening to her? And even though you feel her pain, her complaining has gone on long enough. No one said life was supposed to be fair, so you tell your friend to put on her big-girl pants and move on.
On the other hand, it’s really unfair that you got rejected from your dream internship or that you got stuck with the worst random roommate ever. How could this happen to you? Bad things shouldn’t happen to awesome people! And because you’re awesome, your hour-long sulking session is totally justified. Sorry you’re not sorry.
4. Stop overthinking this ONE text to your crush. It’s ONE text.
Your friend has drafted and re-drafted a text to that cute guy she met at a party last week. While she continuously agonizes over “Hi” versus “What’s up,” you politely remind her that one emoji won’t really make a difference because he probably won’t respond for hours anyway. Just hit send already. All this overthinking is making you exhausted.
Of course this is totally irrelevant when you’re racking your brain to figure out what your crush REALLY meant by that “see you later” comment the other day on campus. Should you text him? Maybe you should wait until he Snapchats you before you do anything. Or you could always plan a totally-unexpected-but-completely-planned run-in tomorrow on the way to class. It’s not that you’re overthinking things; you’re just choosing to be particularly thoughtful over the important things. That’s all.
5. Cut your roomies some slack. It’s all about living peacefully together, remember?
Every time you come home, one of your roommates complains about how your other roomie always leaves dirty dishes in the sink and it’s grossss. She goes on about how she’s going tell her off when she gets home, but you take a deep breath and tell your annoyed roomie to choose her battles wisely. Dirty dishes are irritating, but so not worth starting a roommate war over.
Once you’ve mollified your roommate, you realize that the skirt she borrowed last weekend is lying in a crumpled mess on your bedroom floor, reeks of beer and has a huge stain on it! How could she? She KNEW it was your favorite skirt, and you specifically told her to keep it clean! You can’t wait to give her a piece of your mind…
6. Chill out; it’s only one bad grade. It doesn’t even matter.
You could swear it’s the end of the world by the way your friend is talking about getting a C on her paper. Clearly this one grade means that her GPA will drop, which means she probably won’t get a job after graduation, and that will somehow lead to her living at home with her parents forever and owning 12 cats. Your joke about things escalating quickly only gets you death glares. Whatever, you were just trying to help.
But that B- you got on that term paper that you worked on ALL weekend is actually the worst thing that’s every happened to you. Of COURSE this grade matters. This one B- basically determines if you get into your top grad school, which obviously affects if you get your perfect job and meet the man of your dreams (because you’re going to meet him at work when you’re 25. That’s the plan, duh). You’re not overreacting because this grade ruins everything. Literally EVERYTHING.
No matter what situation our friends are in, we always have the best advice to give them. That’s what friends are for, right? Even though we know we’re helping, sometimes we forget to take that advice ourselves. Maybe we should start taking it to heart more. We clearly are great advice-givers, after all!