Hooking up. Getting frisky. Taking a roll in the hay. Making love. Going ‘round the bases.
No matter what euphemism you give it, most people hope it ends with one thing: an orgasm. The fact may be simple, but the achievement itself and all the questions that surround it? Not so much. Lucky for you, we got 60 collegiettes from around the nation to spill on their orgasms and collected some insider tips (and reassurance) from a certified sexpert. Read on for the answers to all your pressing questions.
What is an orgasm?
Let’s start with the basics, like what’s actually happening to your body during the toe-curling, head-spinning release of pleasure. “There are an enormous number of things going on during orgasm,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. “A few of the highlights include muscular contractions around the genitals and anus, a peak in breathing and heart rate and a rush of chemicals throughout the body.”
What does an orgasm feel like?
That being said, not everyone’s chemicals rush in exactly the same way. Some collegiettes we polled tossed around the words “perfect” and “amazing,” while others experience what they could only describe as “waves and waves of peanut butter Oreos” or “rainbows, butterflies and sunshine — down there.” But, if you’re having trouble imagining these ladies’ orgasms (we don’t blame you), here are some descriptions from anonymous college gals that you can actually get your head around.
“I feel it mostly in the small of my back, radiating out to my fingertips. It feels like an explosion of sensation throughout your body, pulsating with your heartbeat.”
“My body seizes up and I feel this kind of euphoria and a slight need to pee, but more pleasurable.”
“It's like that feeling you get when you first stretch in the morning, but for longer and it takes over everywhere. Your whole body gets hot, and you pulse down there. Then I get a bit dizzy, and I swear I see colors brighter right afterward.”
“Everything within you is contracting and releasing. Depending on how you feel about who you are with, it can come with an emotional bond.”
How long will it take me to orgasm, and how long will it last?
Patience may not be at the forefront of your mind during sexy time with your guy, but it’s exactly what it sometimes takes to get you off. “In the beginning of a fresh relationship or when you are new to sex altogether, an orgasm with a partner can take at least 30 to 45 minutes to reach,” says Dr. Herbenick. For our group of anonymous college girls, timing is influenced by a number of factors: how turned on they are before sex, the amount of foreplay, the position they are in, and the partner they are with.
According to Dr. Herbenick, once you reach orgasm, it lasts about 20 seconds on average. The collegiettes we polled reported anywhere from just three seconds to a full minute. So, is 45 minutes of work worth a seconds-long burst of pleasure? Most say yes, arguing that an orgasm seems much longer than what it actually clocks in at.
Does an orgasm happen every time?
A majority of the girls we surveyed aren’t able to orgasm with a partner every single time. The lack of orgasm may stem from anxious mind games you’re playing on yourself or anatomical differences that make it harder for you to climax each time. But, while a majority of our panel of ladies does not have consistent orgasms, a little over 15 percent of them have never had an orgasm. “Some women can experience orgasm reliably and others cannot, but there is nothing wrong with you if you've never had an orgasm,” says Dr. Herbenick.
Though scientists have yet to find a surefire way to bring a girl to bed-bouncing bliss, Dr. Herbenick suggests experimenting with a sex toy or other forms of intercourse. “Try to be open to experiencing pleasure from a range of sexual activities (fingering, touching, oral sex, or toy play) and don’t hold one too high up over the other,” she says. In the end, don’t be disappointed if your first orgasm comes from something other than your boyfriend, like a vibrator. Female masturbation allows you to discover what you like, where you like it and everything in between. Once you’ve done that, orgasm in general will become easier for you, and bedtime with your guy will surely benefit.
What about faking it?
Cue clichéd When Harry Met Sallyreference. Thanks to the movie’s infamous diner scene, every lady (and guy) learned a big lesson in faking it. 60 percent of the collegiettes we polled have pulled a Sally and faked an orgasm with their guy at one point or another. While it may make your guy feel good in the moment, the payoff isn’t always worth it. Instead of teaching your partner what it really takes to turn you on, he’ll rely on his same old tricks, and you’ll rely on yours.
Dr. Herbenick swears that practice can make perfect — even with something like sex! Until you reach that stage, though, here are her five dos and don’ts for making it easier to achieve your orgasm.
Don’t worry, be happy
“Relax — stress is the enemy of orgasm.”
Do concentrate on what you’re feeling
“Try not to focus on your orgasm as a goal. Instead, focus on experiencing pleasure.”
Don’t be self-conscious
“Learn to let go. Yes, even if you think you will make a funny face or feel like you have to pee.”
Do experiment with new things
“Try different positions. For some women, being on top is best, but for others missionary is.”
Don’t rely on your partner
“Try moving your hips or squeezing your pelvic floor muscles around the penis, fingers or sex toy if one is inside your vagina rather than expecting your partner to do all the work. You're the only one who can explore and find what feels good for your body.”
It’s no secret: orgasms can be complicated, stressful and not always 100 percent perfect. It can be weird and messy (hello, female ejaculation—which some women experience), but it’s all completely normal and individual to each girl. Though hard work might be the last thing you want to do in the bedroom, that’s what orgasms require sometimes. And before you know it, hopefully those mind-blowing climaxes will be much more regular — easy, stress-free and perfect orgasms!
Sources:
Anonymous College Girls
Debby Herbenick, PhD, research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good.