Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
This guy invited my good girl friend to a party and she brought me along as a friend. Next thing I know, there's drinking going on and she had to go upstairs for a few minutes, leaving me alone on the dance floor. The guy that invited her starts dancing and flirting with me (granted, he had been drinking) and complimenting me, trying to ask me to stay over, etc. I told him repeatedly that he didn't really know me and reminded him that he invited my friend to the party, but he said "there is an attraction" that he couldn't help between us. I think my friend is really upset and I explained that I didn't do anything, but still—why do guys do things like this? ––Unwanted Attraction at Alabama
Alabama,
Well, first things first, good on you for not giving into this guy’s game. I’ve known a few people who have been in similar situations and decided to go the other route, and not only did they lose friends, they lost respect.
With this guy, you flat-out told him that you weren’t going to fool around with him. Not only that, you reminded him that he invited your friend over… not you! The fact that he persisted in trying to pick you up tells me that he didn’t respect your wishes or your friend as a person.
College-frat-guy stereotypes don’t sprout up from nothing, you know? I don’t know if this particular guy is part of a fraternity, but his behavior is textbook frat. His behavior, I might add, is also textbook d-bag.
College d-bags exist. It’s not something I like to admit, but it’s also not a huge secret. Too many women go into college expecting the modern “boy next door” trope, and when the closest they get is some buff, drunk player hitting on them, they settle. This allows the worst kind of guys to take advantage of your hopes.
Unfortunately there’s no one single reason as to why guys act this way. The best way I can sum it up is this: some guys––and I won’t call them men––act this way out of sheer desperation. It’s sad, of course, but it’s true. The common stereotype is that guys only want one thing.
Well, Alabama, I want you to know that these guys don’t make up the majority. They exist in the most common collegiate realms: shady house parties and sticky dive bars. If you can avoid the guys in these places, you should be okay. Good guys exist, but some of the worse guys tend to use the “nice-guy” façade to get some action.
You’re too smart to fall for that.
