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Sh*t Single College Girls Say

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Despite the many perks of being currently unattached (e.g., no need to shave your legs, extra Netflix watching hours and more time to dedicate to your love/hate relationship with Nutella) it’s safe to say that the single life has its downfalls––especially when all you see around you are grossly happy couples and a plethora of cute, single boys just waiting to be snatched up. It’s not your fault that they just aren’t looking to commit!

Even though we know that you don’t need a boyfriend to be happy, that still doesn’t change the fact that sometimes a girl is just tired of always being the single one in the group. Being single can definitely suck from time to time, but we can’t help but make fun of ourselves for acting like the world will end if we don’t find ourselves a boyfriend. And while we’re all too familiar with the sh*t college guys say, most single girls are known to say the sh*t that’s just as funny when it comes to the never-ending quest to snag that perfect guy.

Chances are, if you’re a single girl in college, you can usually be found saying at least one of these quotes on a daily basis:

  • All I want is a cute boy to cuddle and watch Grey’s Anatomy with me. Is that too much to ask for?
  • I have a hot date tonight… with my Netflix account.
  • “Who cares about boys—I just want to dance!” – Madison, University of San Francisco grad
  • I’m probably going to die alone.
  • What if I never get married?
  • Can you set me up?
  • “The only day of the year I’m jealous of girls with boyfriends is move-in day, because I have to do all my own heavy lifting!” – Amanda, Seattle University senior
  • Guys, I think I forgot how to kiss.
  • What do you think this text means?
  • OMG, I just pinned the cutest bridesmaid dress/wedding dress/engagement picture/centerpieces to my Pinterest wedding board!
  • Maybe I should just become a nun.

  • I’m pretty sure I repel all men within a 50-mile radius of me.
  • “I’m not dating because I need to lose weight first.” – Caitlin, Gonzaga University junior
  • If I don’t have a boyfriend, I really don’t see the point in shaving my legs.
  • I hate guys.
  • I love guys.
  • Do you think he’s gay or just really fashionable?
  • I just want a relationship like Nick and Jess’s from New Girl...wait...
  • Can the iPhone 6 help me find a boyfriend?
  • This is perfect cuddle weather! I guess I’ll go snuggle up with my pillow…
  • I vicariously live through my friends’ relationships.
  • Is he single?
  • I could try and find a boyfriend… OR I could eat this entire jar of Nutella.
  • I think I’m destined to be single forever.
  • I have no idea how to flirt.
  • I love being single.
  • I hate being single.
  • Who needs boys when you’ve got your best girlfriends by your side?
  • I only like Valentine’s Day for the chocolate.
  • Why do I only attract jerks?
  • Why do I only attract creeps?
  • At least Taylor Swift HAS breakups to write about.
  • I third-wheel like it’s my job.

  • He hasn’t asked me for his sweatshirt back yet. I totally think he wants me to keep it! 
  • Let’s have a girls’ night!
  • I just want someone to play with my hair until I fall asleep.
  • Help! I’ve been watching wedding videos for four hours and I can’t stop!
  • Who needs a boyfriend when you’ve got a tub of cookie dough ice cream and The Notebook on DVD?
  • “My boyfriend is in the hospital with a case of non-existence.” – Pardis, Gonzaga University grad
  • I spent three hours rearranging my Pinterest boards today.
  • Can we just fast-forward to my wedding?
  • I’ll never find a boyfriend.
  • Does he have a brother?
  • Why can’t my love life be like a movie?
  • "Feel my leg hair. I haven’t shaved in two weeks!” – Sadie, Gonzaga University grad
  • There better be some hot guys at this party.
  • I’ll probably end up having to make an online dating profile at some point in my life.
  • He liked my Facebook profile picture! Do you think he likes me?!
  • Should I text him?
  • Is he flirting with me or just being nice?
  • Nutella is my one true love.
  • I’m going to find a boyfriend this year. I just know it.
  • I just want to watch reality TV and lay in my bed.
  • I wish every boy looked like Ryan Gosling, but didn't have a kid with Eva Mendes.
  • I just want to go home so I can take off my bra.
  • When is The Bachelor coming back on? I’m having serious withdrawals.
  • No, Mom, you can’t be my Valentine.
  • I need chocolate.

Even though our nonexistent love lives can make us reach for the Ben and Jerry’s a little too often, we can’t help but laugh at ourselves, because we totally act like this. Maybe our search for a guy who will pay for our fro-yo and watch endless rom-coms with us is at somewhat of a standstill, but at least we have each other!

All the single ladies, put your hands up!  


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