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Real Live College Guy: How Do I Start Something With My Freshman-Year Crush?


We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.

There is this guy whom I was seeing for a few months my freshman year of college. We never actually dated because we both weren't in a place where we wanted to have a relationship. However, just before that summer, he wanted to make things exclusive. I panicked and started avoiding him.

Now it’s my junior year, and I’m feeling ready for something serious. The same guy got a hold of me, and we hung out once. He made it obvious he’s single, and he invited me to a party he and his housemates were having. He spent a lot of time trying to convince me to go.

I decided to go because I remembered how much chemistry we had, but when I went there, he hardly talked to me, and we haven't talked since then; it has been a couple days. I want to give what we had a try, but I don't know if he just wanted to catch up as friends and invited me to be nice or if he’s open to trying again. How do I find out where I stand? – Baffled at Bradley


Once upon a time I was the guy who needed to be next to that one person for the whole night at a party because I was too afraid to venture out and socialize, but that changed (thankfully, phew) over time. The thing about parties is that they’re meant for socializing and having fun, not being wrapped around one person for the entire night.

That being said, I understand the frustration. He invited you, right? Why wouldn’t he talk to you?

Maybe he didn’t want to be overbearing. Honestly, I think that’s the most realistic answer, because I do think he genuinely wanted to catch up with you and maybe try to start things up again. I don’t think inviting you to a party is the best way to do that, but to each his own.

Most of my columns boil down to how to find out what a guy thinks of you. The secret is, as I’ve said before, very few guys are going to up and lay everything out for a girl. Rejection is real, and it’s a crappy feeling, so to combat that possibility, we beat around the bush. So, instead of directly asking her out, we ask her to hang out at a party, or something that’s just as nonconfrontational. We hope, like a lot of women do with men, that you’ll get the hint. Both sides drop hints just as frequently, and I think that’s because we’re all so afraid of getting shot down.

So, how do you find out where you stand? Take the initiative and ask him out. You’re the one who came to the sudden realization that you’re ready for something serious. You’re the one who went to the party. He asked you to come to the party – he practically begged you – so the ball is effectively in your court. Make the move, girl, and good luck.

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