We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
So, there's this guy whom I was really good friends with first semester last year. However, I also had a crazy-big crush on him, and he always knew. He never really pursued it, though. I mean, we flirted all the time, but nothing ever happened. So after my friend told him I liked him and he said he didn't feel the same, I moved on. We stayed good friends, and that's it.
I recently announced that I am transferring schools next year, and all of a sudden he has been acting weird. Then, the other night, he was drunk and texted me, "I wish I f***ed you." I replied that he had no right to say that, of course, and he said it was his biggest regret that he didn't. Can you please explain to me what is going on with him? Like, what does this sudden interest in me mean? – Baffled at BU
Well, Baffled, someone’s obviously got a way with words.
You were absolutely right to tell him that he had no right to say what he said, regardless of his level of coherence. Whether he was drunk or not, there are boundaries, and those limits deserve to be respected.
Regardless, you’re looking for the “why,” and I think I can help. It’s simple enough: He’s trying to play you. Even if nothing actually happened between the two of you, he knew you were interested. To be fair, that happens sometimes. Someone likes another person, the other person finds out and does nothing because he or she doesn’t really want to be with that other person, but just knowing that someone’s interested in you is a good feeling. So since he knows of your previous interest, I’m pretty sure he was just trying to cash in on your emotions so he could “get some” before you moved. More or less — and I hate to sum it up like this — he probably thought you were an easy target. He may have assumed you were desperate, even though it’s him who looks like the desperate one now.
I seriously doubt he just realized that he’s had feelings for you all along. Life isn’t a romantic comedy, and the best friends with misplaced feelings don’t always end up together. He saw the situation and was trying to take advantage of it… after all, what’s the harm? You’re moving, so it isn’t like there would be any real repercussions, right?
Even if he did have real feelings for you, he wouldn’t have phrased it in such a brash way. “I wish I f***ed you”? Really? That’s his line? Eesh, talk about creepy.
You can do better, and when you do eventually transfer, I for one hope you find a guy who treats you with more respect than this particular “friend.”