We all need a little guidance now and then, so whether you’re stressed about a fling gone wrong, a recently wrecked relationship or how to handle a stage-five clinger, Real Live College Guy Dale is here to help you navigate the college dating scene.
I went out with my best friend's roommate and we were in an LDR for six months. We're about an hour away from each other at home and two hours apart at college.
This summer, my boyfriend ended things, saying he couldn't handle the distance and that he'd only have weekends free next year (he has an internship).
Then, straight after, he went on a trip with his guy friends and slept with someone else. He came back and asked me to get back together with him, saying that this made him realize he'd made a mistake and that he loved me. He also said that we didn't know if our relationship would work until we tried properly (which was my argument for not breaking up). I rejected him and told him that we'd review things after summer when we knew what next year in college would be like.
Since then, he's been acting like we're still together! He keeps telling me he loves me, he wants to meet up a lot and he basically acts like he did when he was my boyfriend. All my friends (and his friends) think he'll just dump me again if we get back together, but I know I have to follow my own heart.
How can I tell if he's going to dump me again and if this is right for me? -Confused in Connecticut
Connecticut,
First things first: I hesitate to label your relationship as “long distance,” because, honestly, an hour or two away from each other isn’t that far away at all. This isn’t your fault, really, and it actually feeds into his reasoning for splitting with you in the first place.
I was in a relationship with a girl who lived over 400 miles away, and while things were hard sometimes, we made it work for a whole year even though we only saw each other once a month. So I don’t think his reason for breaking up the first time was because of distance — I think it was because he wanted to be able to have fun without consequences, like sleep with someone during a trip with his friends.
Now, onto his post-breakup antics…
While I don’t think distance was the original problem, I do think he realized that breaking up was a mistake. Feelings are fickle like that sometimes. The unfortunate truth is that you don’t really know for sure if he’s going to dump you again or even if it’s right for you until you decide whether or not you want to give it another shot.
If your friends are telling you not to do it, I’d heed their warning. Your friends may not know exactly what you need, but they’re usually pretty good at estimating. If all of your friends and all of his friends are telling you not to give in, then you should listen to them.
What you need to figure out now is whether or not you even want him at all. The evidence points to the contrary, Connecticut. He broke up with you and slept with someone else only to come crawling back to you crying, “Mistake! Mistake!” His friends and your friends don’t think it’s a good idea. You told him that you needed to wait, and he’s sitting there acting like you’re in a relationship anyway. This is super important, too; I’d even call it a red flag. He’s not listening to or respecting your wishes. Is that the kind of attribute you look for in a guy?
If you want my opinion, I think you need to move on from this kid. Like I said, you can’t know for sure if he’s going to break up with you unless you take a chance and get back together with him, but I don’t believe that’s something you should consider given his previous actions.