Every time a new semester approaches, you promise yourself you're going to get your act together and rule the world, Beyoncé style: You’re going to work out consistently, cook fresh meals, stay on top of your classes, nap less and clean more. You say this every semester, but this time, you mean it.
But wait… is that the new season of your show on Netflix you see? Maybe that workout and paper can wait. And plus, you cooked last night, so you can get takeout tonight. Maybe those goals can wait until next semester.
1. Working out
Expectation:
Even if it’s just 20 minutes a day, you swear on all things that are holy that you will work out at least four times per week.
Reality:
Or you could just do crunches while you heat up your ramen noodles in the microwave…
2. Required reading
Expectation:
As much as you hate it, you’ll do it. Twenty pages a night isn’t that bad. Plus, everyone needs to be properly educated on the digestive system.
Reality:
You could spend 30 minutes reading about the digestive system or watch an episode on Netflix. Sorry, digestive system - you lose.
3. Paying attention in class
Expectation:
You're paying to be here; the least you could do is listen and offer some input.
Reality:
The Civil War was like, forever ago, and this level of Candy Crush isn’t going to beat itself…
4. Staying on top of homework and assignments
Expectation:
A paper a day keeps the bad grades away (and leaves more time to go out on the weekends).
Reality:
Then again, four papers on Sunday keeps your entire week open for Netflix binges.
5. Getting organized
Expectation:
You are going to put that $40 planner to use and get your life together. Makin’ to-do lists all day, every day.
Reality:
Is today Wednesday or Thursday? And where the hell is that to-do list you made? You could have sworn you put it on your desk…
6. Napping
Expectation:
When you were little you would’ve sold your soul to the devil just so you didn’t have to nap. You’re going to put that tactic to use again this semester so you avoid wasting your entire day (or week) away.
Reality:
Just 20 minutes. Okay, an hour. Okay, two hours max.
7. Getting ready
Expectation:
You never know when you’ll see someone important, so it’s time you ditch the “comfy” look.
Reality:
You remember how awful it feels to sit through a two-hour lecture with your buttons from your skinny jeans digging into your stomach.
8. Group projects
Expectation:
They’re not that bad. You just have to have a more positive outlook on them this semester.
Reality:
Who are these buffoons and what don’t they understand about “do your part”?!
9. On-campus activities
Expectation:
Your campus has so much to offer, and it would be a shame for it to go to waste. Plus, you really need some more stuff to add to your resume.
Reality:
Wait, you actually have to attend the meetings? You have more important things you need to be doing.
10. Going out
Expectation:
Twice a week. That’s it. You're here to get an education, and this semester you will remember that.
Reality:
But Tuesday is karaoke night, Wednesday is Ladies’ Night, Thursday is half-off drink specials and then there's Friday and Saturday…
11. Roommates
Expectation:
You make an oath to keep each other motivated and promise that you'll do your best not to distract each other while you’re studying or doing homework.
Reality:
A 10-minute study break turns into a dance-off, which slowly progresses into a “who can put together the ugliest outfit” contest.
12. Cooking
Expectation:
Chicken tortillas on Sunday, spaghetti on Monday, a fresh salad on Tuesday and baked chicken on Wednesday.
Reality:
Pizza on Sunday, which means leftover pizza on Monday, the Little Caesars deal on Tuesday and the Papa John’s one on Wednesday. Perfect.
13. Cleaning
Expectation: At least the basics. No more jumping over mountains of clothes to get to your bed.
Reality:
The apartment isn’t that dirty.
