I’ve been a devoted Riverdale fan since day one. I truly love this show. But sometimes, I also hate it. Sometimes I find it utterly ridiculous. Sometimes it has me screaming at my TV. Sometimes it just leaves me saying... what? And let’s just say that the season three premiere had me doing all of the above and more. Here are 44 thoughts I had during Riverdale's new season premiere.
Warning: Spoilers ahead!
1. How are these people only juniors in high school?!?!?!?
2. Why is Archie wearing a bow tie in court? He looks like a waiter!
3. This recap of all of Archie’s good deeds is a great recap of everything I forgot happened on this show.
4. Isn’t it a conflict of interest for Archie’s mom to represent him in court?
5. Betty and Veronica are killing the fashion game—is this a courtroom or a catwalk?
6. “Archiekins?” Have the writers on this show ever heard two humans speak to one another?
7. I am totally here for Choni—this is my new ship name for Toni and Cheryl.
8. I’m 100% sure this “farm” that Polly and Alice are in to is a cult.
9. I’m pretty confident that Sweet Pea and Jughead are the same person.
10. Fixing a car, getting a tat…Archie’s pre-prison bucket list sure is…interesting?
11. I love that FP wears his spectacles while giving tattoos.
12. How does Cheryl walk around the pool in sky-high heels without falling? I want her to teach me her ways.
13. Well, Josie and Sweet Pea are the surprise couple of the summer.
14. Go for it Kevin! Make Moose yours!
15. Of course Veronica would be the one to coerce the jury to make sure Archie wins.
16. “The Ghoulies have Hot Dog”…is a sentence I never thought I would hear.
17. I’m loving the swimwear present at the “Get Hot Dog Back” meeting
18. I don’t care for this new sheriff. Bring back Sheriff Keller!
19. Remind me to never cross Veronica Lodge!
20. Please Lord, let the Lodge women team up to take down Hiram Lodge.
21. Where can I get a Southside Serpents jacket?
22. How did Cheryl bring her bow and arrow to this rescue mission?
23. @Archie’s dream—this is hella confusing.
24. Side bar: The Hate U Give featurette—I always forget that KJ Apa is Australian.
25. When did FP become the best advice giver on this show?
26. IS BETTY DEALING DRUGS?
27. OR IS ALICE MAKING HER THINK SHE IS CRAZY?
28. A 5 Seconds of Summer song, a vintage car and a shirtless Archie…I’m weirdly into this.
29. I was really concerned that Archie and Jug were going to go swimming in their jeans.
30. Archie can’t skip town and he can’t go to prison. I can’t handle this.
31. Are Betty/Jughead and Archie/Veronica all hooking up around the fire at the same time…
32. Ok. They aren’t.
33. What is the Gargoyle King? Is this the Black Hood of season three?
34. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARCHIE? WHY ARE YOU GOING TO JUVIE?
35. THIS SONG AND SLO MO WHEN ARCHIE IS GOING TO JUVIE IS SO EXTRA AND I’M LOVING IT
36. “You don’t have a daughter anymore.”—Veronica Lodge. Damn girl, that’s cold.
37. OMG Did the Gargoyle King take Dilton?
38. Is this a Serpent Thing?
39. Wait…what if Jughead is really behind the Gargoyle King and everything that happens on this show is his doing and his narration of the show is his prison confessional?
40. Because honestly, I don’t believe Archie did anything.
41. Is this ritual thing/scary mask a Sabrina crossover?
42. Are they bringing the babies into a coven?
43. Floating babies…this got really weird.
44. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO BETTY?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on The CW.
