Sometimes it might feel like you’re the only collegiette who didn’t trade a paycheck for an unpaid internship this summer, but you’re not alone, and you definitely shouldn’t regret it. The next time your best friend brags about her glamorous internship in the big city, remind yourself (or her, if you’re feeling feisty) of why your low-paying, unskilled job is 100 percent worth it:
If You’re a... Waitress
1. Because when the moment comes that the chef decides to give the servers a taste of his new dish, you will be first in line with a fork in hand (and a napkin for stealing some for later).
2. Because you know every wine on the list, and because you can use this skill to impress your future French lover. Enchanté.
3. Because you look hotter in a bow tie than any boy you know.
4. Because even though you look hotter in a bow tie than any boy you know, those bus boys come pretty darn close.
5. Because carrying those trays of glasses has given you superhuman balance skills that make dancing in five-inch heels feel like a cakewalk. Workkk. Ittt.
6. Because you can count every cash tip you earn as a Venti iced caramel macchiato, and now you’re guaranteed a steady caffeine and sugar buzz for the next 10 months. Who needs sleep?
7. Because you’ve successfully followed in the footsteps of Rachel Green... now you just need to convince your boss to change the name of the café to ‘Central Perk’ and hire a Gunther look-alike.
8. Because with great power comes great responsibility, and you sleep well at night knowing you make a daily choice not to spit in your customers’ food.
9. Because that handy employee discount means you can “treat” your boyfriend to dinner... without actually coughing up the cash. Hello, loophole!
10. Because you work nights, meaning you get to be the tan one amongst the poor, Vitamin-D deprived souls that are your intern friends – or were your friends, before you drove them back into the shadows of their cubicles with the blinding glow of your skin.
If You’re a... Babysitter or Nanny
1. Because the hardest part of your day is convincing the youngest boy not to eat dirt and/or bugs, and if you fail, oh well... it’s organic, right?
2. Because you’ve learned the words to every Justin Bieber and One Direction song ever played on Radio Disney, and you now have 60 ways to tick off your boyfriend when you’re feeling passive-aggressive.
3. Because you secretly enjoy Justin Bieber and One Direction, and because you plan to capitalize on your newfound skills to kick some a** at Karaoke Night.
4. Because kids have older, hotter brothers, and since you are also older and hotter, there’s really nothing stopping you, is there?
5. Because the parents keep a candy drawer in the house and you have free reign, Willy Wonka.
6. Because bedtimes exist.
7. Because you are really awful at Hide and Seek. So awful, in fact, that the kids sit and hide silently for over half an hour while you “look for them”... if “look for them” means “play Words With Friends with your roommate.”
8. Because you will never get bored of pinching a giggling baby’s cheeks. Literally never.
9. Because you have age and wisdom on your side when it comes time to play Monopoly and Clue. #winning.
10. Because listening to the Aéropostale-clad pre-teen girl talk to her friends about the status of her Instagram account (!?) and use the word “jelly” instead of “jealous” reminds you of how sweet it is to be past your awkward stage.
If You’re a... Lifeguard
1. Because your life is a Baywatch episode, minus the slow-mo soundtrack and David Hasselhoff’s excessive chest hair.
2. Because your tan lines might have more complex geometry than your ninth grade math class, but you still look better in a bathing suit than literally anyone else you know (all of that running on the beach that they show on Baywatch? True story).
3. Because you always smell like coconut and it drives your boy toy wild.
4. Because everyone wants to be the girl on the paddleboard. B*tch is in charge.
5. Because when Shark Week rolls around, everyone you know is suddenly incredibly interested in your job: “Have you seen a shark before!?” they ask. Well, that floating half of a car tire looked like a fin for a second... so the answer is yes, yes you have.
6. Because you will always win at Marco Polo. Always.
7. Because sitting up in that chair feels kind of like sitting on a throne above your subjects, and you’ve been told you look a bit like Kate Middleton. Born to rule?
8. Because your male co-workers are all of the young, muscular, half-naked variety – and what a coincidence, that’s your favorite variety!
9. Because you are first in line for Pop-Ice at the snack shop, which means pinks and reds all day, every day, like a champ.
10. Because people-watching is so much more fun when you’re getting paid to do it.
If You’re an... Ice Cream Scooper
1. Because “I don’t like ice cream,” said no one ever.
2. Because you see all of the locals, so you know exactly how poorly that popular girl from high school aged without even having to show up for the reunion.
3. Because your scooping arm might as well have been borrowed from The Hulk. Never struggle to open a jar again.
4. Because you know exactly which flavor you’ll want when That Time of Month arrives. Instant gratification.
5. Because breathing in the sickly sweet smell of ice cream all day actually helps your diet – when you’re off work, the last thing you want is to dive into another bowl of the stuff (let alone ingest it). Ah, the power of classical conditioning.
6. Because customers tip you, pitying you for your “minimum wage” job... meanwhile you’re growing a stack of bills the size of Texas in your back pocket thanks to suckers like them.
7. Because now you know exactly how many calories are in a scoop of ice cream. Kiddie cone, please?
8. Because being a good employee means scoping out the competition. You’ll simply have to test each and every ice cream parlor in a 25-mile radius to make sure yours is best, and probably hit up some fro-yo shops for good measure...
9. Because nothing says, “I’m sorry about your break-up” like a freshly packed pint of ice cream, and you just became the best friend there ever was.
10. Because no one will notice if you sneak a little butterscotch, right? Right.
If You’re a... Camp Counselor
1. Because they wouldn’t let you be a camper anymore once you got older, but you – you sneaky collegiette – you found your way back in. There’s no age limit on this earth that could keep you away from those cabins.
2. Because you can make literally anything out of a pipe cleaner and some glitter.
3. Because you’re the best rower in the canoe. Sure, your arm span is twice as long as everyone else’s, but who’s measuring?
4. Because you were one frat party past your bro tolerance for the year and now there are barely any boys in sight, let alone lax pinnies. Sweet, sweet freedom.
5. Because during your rotation as supervisor of the tennis courts, you’ve developed a forehand to rival Maria Sharapova’s. U.S. Open, here you come!
6. Because your forehand hasn’t gotten any better—it’s possibly worse—but you look super cute in that flouncy little dress.
7. Because after another semester in the city, you need the daddy long-legs and chipmunks to remind you that nature is not something that exists solely on Animal Planet.
8. Because all of your guy friends respect you for roughing it in tents and lean-tos... little do they know you’re living in a cabin complete with showers, air conditioning, and outlets for your hair straightener.
9. Because Skit Night reminds you that if you ever wanted an Oscar, all you’d have to do is ask.
10. Because you’re one of the only girls who’s even close to the male Australian windsurfing instructor’s age... G’day, mate!
And the best reason you should be happy to be a minimum wage-working collegiette:
1. Because at the end of the day, you like money, and so do your unpaid intern friends. The difference is that you actually know what it looks like.