The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
For some reason, there’s some weird stigma about single women either being sex-deprived, desperate or complete f**king nymphos. While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying casual sex, some of us just don’t want casual sex right now. Thankfully, us single gals don’t necessarily need another person to have a fulfilling sex life.
As someone who’s perpetually single AF, but who also loves sex, I’m a master at satisfying myself sexually. In fact, I’ve been more sexually satisfied in my last three years of singledom, than I’ve been in any relationship, and here’s why.
1. I just focus on myself
While pleasing someone else can be sexually liberating, focusing on my own sexual pleasure obviously makes me feel more satisfied. Plus, I don’t have to fake my orgasms anymore or worry about that awkward, mid-sex dirty talk. (Unless you count me yelling at my vibrator because its batteries died mid-climax as dirty talk.)
Masturbation is key to your sexual satisfaction, but not that same old mundane routine you do before bed (because every girl should have a solid bedtime routine). Masturbation should extend past using your trusty fingers all the time. That’s right, it’s time to use your single woman status to experiment with sex toys. Trying different sex toys can help you learn more about your own body— what turns you on, what doesn’t and what’s best left for special occasions. While the online sex toy selection can be intimidating (and costly, seeing as you can’t really return a toy you don’t like) for a first-time sex toy shopper, you can easily go to your local sex toy shop and ask for help. Don’t be intimidated— the shop employees are literally there to help you, so use them as a resource.
Once you find what sex toys (or lack thereof) work for you, then you can focus on pleasing yourself without having to worry about any sex-related issues or questions from your nonexistent partner.
2. There's no pressure
Seriously, I don’t have to worry about having sex with another person. I get it, sex is supposed to be this magical bond between you and another person (or three). But let’s face it, most people have some form of sex-related anxiety.
While casual hookups used to be my thing, they’re now just draining. I used to have to plan a one-night stand seven business days in advance because I subconsciously felt the need to wax my entire body and paint my face with makeup, just to impress some guy who’s going to spend thirty minutes struggling to find my clit anyway. Although I generally feel more comfortable with my female suitors because they know the struggle of getting ready for a date (albeit a sex-date), it’s still tiresome to spend time on getting to know a new sexual partner and their sexual (and emotional) needs and desires, just so you can selfishly get off.
Maybe I’m just getting old, but I know that I don’t want or need the pressure of dealing with another person in the bedroom (or on the kitchen counter) when I’m single. Because I’m single, I still have the option to have a one-night stand or find an FWB.
Sexting is one of my most provocative past times. And I’m not talking about the “sexting” where that one frat boy snaps you asking for nudes at 3:01 a.m. Honestly, just sexting is far more erotic than any nude, porn or awkward five minutes of “bliss" to me. Unless of course, the person you’re texting still hasn’t figured out the difference between “you’re and your,” in which case you need to drop that person ASAP, because grammar is sexy AF.
I get it. I just spent six paragraphs in the last section explaining why casual hookups aren’t my thing anymore, so how on earth do I find people to sext?
Don’t worry, I don’t just type a random number into my phone and start sexting away (but maybe that’s why I’ve been single for the last three year). Instead, I approach people who I already trust. Thankfully, I have a couple former f**kbuddies who enjoy a good sexting sesh. Granted, they’ve moved several hundreds of miles away (probably to avoid me), so there’s minimal risk that they’ll nag me about DTRing or hanging out. If you don’t have a trusted former lover on the backburner, see if one of your single friends would be interested in some late-night sexting. After all, if you’re close friends with them, then you should feel comfortable enough to at least discuss this proposition.
Regardless, healthy sexting can help you learn more about yourself and how you can satisfy yourself, both sexually and emotionally. Yes, I said emotionally because sexting isn’t just about virtually stripping each other’s clothes off and getting into it. There’s still some form of emotional connection attributed to the act. Not to mention, regular sexting can help you develop your vocabulary and become a more imaginative writer. Who knows, maybe you could become the next E.L. James?
Whether you choose to sext, have a one-night stand or buy every sex toy in your local sex shop, you shouldn’t feel pressured into seeking a relationship to feel truly sexually satisfied. After all, exploring the best way to sexually satisfy your single-self is key to truly figure out your sexual needs and being comfortable with your single status. Otherwise, how are you going to expect someone else to please you, when you’re still figuring out all your kinks and quirks?