Tired of having to sort out the “nice guys” from the “bad boys”? Want to move up from one-night stand to full-time girlfriend, but unsure of how to do so? Stop worrying, because Real Live College Guy Dale is finally here to help with all of your collegiette love kerfuffles and help steer you clear of any unnecessary drama during your brief but ever-important time in college.
I recently transferred to my university, so meeting people has been super difficult. Luckily, there’s a transfer group on Facebook that makes it a little bit easier. I ended up messaging a really cute guy who was commenting on a few posts of mine since the beginning of the year. The conversations were brought to texting, and we hung out once recently. It was a lot of fun and there was no pressure to bring it to a more sexual level. We talked for hours until I finally headed back to my apartment with no more than a hug between us.
The only problem is through texting he seems to get a bit more aggressive with the topic of hooking up and continually asks about it, even before we hung out (aka even met!). I'm somewhat persistent on taking things slower in response. Considering we JUST met and when I originally came across his page he had a girlfriend, could this just be a way of him getting over his ex? Or do you think he could be a possibility for more? I am not saying I am going into the scenario looking for a relationship, but I'm certainly not into the one-night stand ordeal. I am so bad at determining how much trust I should give a guy. Please help! –Swooning but Suspicious at Syracuse
Swooning,
I hate to break it to ya, but I don’t think this guy’s a good egg.
The digital age has blurred the lines that used to exist between dating and hooking up, which has led to a fair amount of confusion for both genders. Some people see virtual discussion as the new form of dating. I personally disagree with this approach, but I kind of understand it.
What do people do on dates? They talk! On a first date, for example, people discuss things and they get to know each another. Facebook and Twitter – almost the entirety of virtual social communication – has replaced physical communication, so instead of talking face to face, people now use the Internet to get to know each other. Things that you could once discover on a first date are now things you can research before even meeting a person. It has been reduced to a process as simple as a few clicks and keystrokes. Where was he or she born? What’s his or her favorite movie? What does this person do for fun?
So what does this all have to do with your situation?
This guy thinks he can bypass “taking things slow” because you’ve talked to each other through texts and Facebook. It seems to me that he believes in his heart that the two of you can skip the formality that is dating and jump straight into bed.
This may very well be a reaction to a breakup, but I don’t think that’s the main factor. I think the introduction of technology to peoples’ love lives has both rejuvenated and crippled a very basic form of humanity: communication.
Where do you go from here? While I understand that meeting people after transferring can be difficult (I was in the same situation recently!), you have to take solace in knowing that there are literally thousands of other guys walking around out there – hundreds of which are probably better for you than Mr. McHook-up over there. Be strong and take a stand. If he’s moving too quickly, let him know. The best thing you can do is to be honest both with him and yourself and draw your boundaries.
Any guy who aggressively texts you about hooking up even before he’s met you in person is someone you should stay away from. The fact that he acts one way virtually and another way in person tells me that he isn’t deserving of much trust (if any, at all). Virtual communication may have changed how some people date, but it shouldn’t keep you from standing up for what you will and will not tolerate.