Families in a neighborhood in Colorado Springs are reportedly being "terrorized" by a jogger who keeps pausing her workout to squat and poop in broad daylight, according to the Gazettein Colorado Springs. For real.
Police are on the hunt for this athleisure-sporting woman dubbed "the Mad Pooper" after witnesses have confirmed seeing her drop trou and drop a number two in the same community. Several times.
Cathy Budde, the neighbor with the front-row seat to the action, said her kids alerted her to the shitty business and she even exchanged a few words with the woman.
"They are like, 'There's a lady taking a poop!' So I come outside, and I'm like ... 'are you serious?'" Budde told the Gazette. "'Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids!?' She's like, 'Yeah, sorry!'"
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Budde also said that the "Mad Pooper" leaves her poops behind at least once a week and has been making regular stops outside her house for about seven weeks (though, she said there are plenty of publicly accessible bathrooms in the area.) This decidedly is not what your doctor means when they praise regular bowel movements.
She also told KKTV in Colorado Springs that the jogger comes prepared, typically leaves behind a napkin and absolutely no shame— as it seems no verbal warning, police hunt nor passive-aggressive note seems to sway her from her favorite spot.
The Colorado Springs Police Department said they are actively looking for people who can identify this person, for obvious reasons.
“It’s abnormal, it’s not something I’ve seen in my career,” a deeply confused Sgt. Jonathan Sharketti of the Colorado Springs Police Department also told KKTV. “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing ... it’s uncharted territory for me.” Same.
While the world can certainly be your toilet if you believe in yourself (and live in the g.d. wilderness), taking your morning call with nature in plain view in a residential neighborhood probably isn't a good look.