The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
By Katie Altstadt
I was 21 when I lost my virginity to a guy I met on Tinder. He had two full sleeve tattoos, bragged about being a misanthropist and was a budding bartender. I liked him, but I also knew nothing about him. Once he started kissing me in his dingy kitchen, which smelled like pizza and lemon floor cleaner, I knew we would have sex. We did, of course, and when it was over, I didn’t feel bad, scared or really even that satisfied. I felt relieved.
Though I had been prepared for my first time for a while, here are four tips I wish I would have gotten from friends to calm my pre-sex jitters.
1. It’s okay (actually normal!) to not be in love the first time you have sex
My first time sex experience wasn’t romantic by any means. We did it on his faux Tempur-pedic mattress while a slasher movie played in the background. While he was gentle, it was uncomfortable, and I could tell he was trying not to laugh during the first few seconds when I couldn’t stop queefing. Looking back, I know that even if I had been in love with him, the experience still wouldn’t have been “special.” I personally don’t think being in love would have taken away the fact that it was painful or awkward. I was curious what sex was like, and while I didn’t expect to experience it with him, I was glad I was finally able to understand it and how my body and mind reacted. Now I know my body, and I enjoy sex so much more.
I would never recommend losing your virginity to a random person, especially on a first date, but don’t feel bad if you’re unsure if the person who takes it is the one you want to marry. If it feels right in the moment, go for it. If not, there’s no harm in waiting until you’re ready.
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2. Try different positions
Everyone told me that missionary would be my go-to position for my first no pants dance. However, this position does not allow you to have control over the depth and pace, which is important for your first time. Try any position that feels right for you. I personally like girl on top. This position lets you control everything from pace to depth to angle. Plus, if you need to take a breather, you can pull them into hug or lean down and give them a few neck kisses until you’re ready to continue. Do some research, experiment a little and learn what feels best for your body.
3. Lube is for everyone
Admittedly, I was a little too much in my own thoughts when I first had sex. I was too worried about pain, facial expressions and strange body noises (which you can undoubtedly expect) to really immerse myself in the experience. On top of that, there was little to no foreplay, which plays a huge part in getting ready for the deed. Lube is never something you should be afraid or embarrassed of. It’s a necessity for your first time. It will not only help you become ready for sex, but it will also make you more comfortable. Don’t be afraid to take a breather during a kissing session and grab it. You can apply it yourself—or to make things extra steamy, ask that they apply it for you.
Related: 6 Things You Should Always Do During Sex
4. Have fun!
Sex has always been communicated as this huge life event that takes a lot of consideration and planning, like transitioning jobs or moving across the country. While sex is a big deal, it’s not something you should be scared of or embarrassed about. Talk about with your partner or anyone else who’s willing to listen. When you do experience sex for the first time, don’t forget to have fun. The first time will be awkward—there will be long pauses, strange noises and a few giggles. So take it as an opportunity to get to know yourself and your body better, in addition to your partner.