The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
By Lauren Lesser
You’re a twenty-something college student, survive day-to-day on tequila and midnight pizza rolls and only need three hours of sleep to be functional in your 8 a.m. class. You’re single. You’re hot. And you’re getting crude sexts from the guy down the hall after Wednesday karaoke nights.
And somehow that’s the societal norm that we as strong, beautiful females, are supposed to be okay with.
Truth be told, sometimes it’s enough—the late night booty calls and make out sessions at the bar aren’t all that bad. Many times it’s fun. Sophomore year me would fall asleep with a bottle of Jose in her hand and had half a dozen guys on 2 a.m. speed dial. But it’s okay to want more. It’s okay to want something more significant than a quickie between classes or a drunken hookup in the bathroom stall at a college party. It’s okay.
I know it’s not easy. We live in a world where females are considered “crazy” when they “nag” a guy to commit to them. Women are known as “bitches” when they tell off the guy who has been stringing them along for weeks, sleeping with other girls in the meantime. And though we’re making progress by way of apps like Bumble who let the ladies chat first, it’s not uncommon for a gal to be thought of as “too aggressive” when she makes the first move—regardless of whether sex is involved or not. It can be hard to find something real in the midst of all it.
Now, I’m not trying to bash the male species—a far cry from it. Yeah, college guys can be idiots. We ladies can be, too. Stupid norms that we’ve found ourselves locked into make us think that we deserve nothing more. If Susie down the hall and Sally from your English class are having casual sex that doesn’t escalate to romance, why should you be any different, right? Why should you risk being seen as “that crazy girl” for being upset that Joe Shmoe doesn’t text you before midnight? Are you wrong for wanting an old-fashioned dinner and movie date?
Ladies, cut it out. You’re not crazy. You’re not a bitch. You’re not too aggressive. If you want to have a no-strings-attached, sex-filled relationship—you go girl! But if you’ve done casual and want a real date and a mush-filled relationship—go you, too! And if the guy you’ve been seeing isn’t into that, then you just haven’t found the right one.
I wish I knew all that after my first…or second…or third college heartbreak. I wish I knew that I am enough, that I am more than enough. And wanting something a little deeper than Saturday night fun is okay.
Don’t settle. Keep your chin up. It’s not your fault.