Broke from calling late night love lines for advice? Looking for the lowdown on the hoedown when it comes to college guys? Real Live College Guy Sean is here to help you pick apart the mind of the average college guy. Whether it’s avoiding that awkward weekend hook-up, or full-on relationship advice, Sean is here to save the day!
This guy helped me get through a really nasty break-up earlier this year. He was super supportive and just a really great friend. Then once I had been single for a while, he asked me to watch a movie with him and he made a move. We hooked up for three dates before he told me we should just be friends. I made my peace with it, which sucked because I had real feelings for him at this point but I couldn’t exactly argue with his claims that "he wasn’t doing this for the right reasons"… whatever that means. Then last week, he asked me out on a "real date" as he called it, and kissed me in my car two nights in a row. When that turned into making out in his room again, he pulled the same thing he did a month ago!! Saying that he thinks we should just be friends. I have no clue what’s going on, but I really like this guy and he seems to be having major feeling confusion. Is there any chance this is going somewhere? Or is he not even worth it? – Conflicted at Cal Poly
Conflicted,
I don’t even know where to start. My head is so full of confusion from this guy, that it’s almost admirable.
This guy managed to pull off something that many men have only attempted to fruitlessly achieve. Generations of the world’s greatest men have tried to figure out how to escape the friend zone. But my God, when humanity is finally blessed to have a breakthrough, the man who discovered it throws away the formula because he’s a selfish pig and wants to watch the world burn changes his mind about the whole thing. Yikes. This can only mean that generations of future men will have to suffer until we have another breakthrough.
With this question, I won’t even beat around this bush. Even though he waited for you to recover from your break-up, he still flaked when he had his chance. As you probably know all too well, his moves are disorienting and exhausting. As a result, the best thing to do here is classic RLCG advice: just move on. It would be much better and healthier to simply move onto someone else who is much less confusing. Since he clearly cannot make up his mind about what he’s looking for when why try to figure it out for him? You’ve given him multiple chances to get himself together and it hasn’t led to anything. There are other guys out there who are still waiting in the friend zone who wouldn’t let you down in a similar situation.
The only thing I actually do like here is when he called off your first fling, saying it was “for the wrong reasons.” This may have had some basis. While you did start off as friends, perhaps his goals when you hooked up were purely sexual and he didn’t intend on having an actual relationship. So, calling things off would be the best thing to do. I get that. On the contrary, the lamest part about this is he called his second attempt a “real date.” Unless he thinks his life is an actual romantic comedy, there is no need for such a title when a simple explanation for why he called things off the first time would have sufficed. He should have at least acknowledged your history and just gave you the details straight. If he had specifically told you why the first time wasn’t good enough for him, it would be much more believable.
As I said earlier, there are tons of guys who wouldn’t confuse you like this. He’s had his chance, and he’s blown it. When he got another, he blew that one too (two strikes and you’re out, right?). You shouldn’t have to convince him to be with you. Since you’ve done everything you can do, the only thing left is to find someone else who will be more straightforward.