‘Tis the season to obsessively shop for that extra special, absolutely perfect present for your flawless boyfriend (single collegiettes: don’t worry, we’re gagging too). But while you search far and wide for a gift that will blow his mind, be careful you don’t go too far out of the box. Nothing is more awkward than the OMG-I’m-pretending-to-like-this-gift-and-cover-up-how-stupid-I-think-it-is-with-my-overcompenstation face. So in the spirit of all things festive this holiday season, we’ve put together a list of the absolute worst presents to get your boyfriend. Think before you buy, and if you second-guess the gift for even a second, do us all a favor, and don’t get it—yes, it is a bad idea.
A photo album of what your future children would look like
Special shout-out to How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days for this nightmare notion. Nothing is scarier than seeing your future flash before your eyes years before you’re ready. Hello panic attack and claustrophobia. Not to mention, all those Internet face-morphing, baby-makers create some freaky looking children—seriously, your kid isn’t likely to have a unibrow like that (fingers crossed).
Justin Bieber concert tickets
Let’s be honest, we’re all Beliebers deep down (and don’t even try denying it). But odds are, your boyfriend doesn’t feel like spending a night surrounded by hoards of screaming, hysterically crying teenagers. You may be one less lonely girl, but if you invite him to a JB concert extravaganza, you can say goodbye to your plus one.
A furby
It’s a good thing furbies are back and better than ever—you just can’t recreate your childhood without the creepy creature in tow. That being said, just because furbies have been revamped, doesn’t mean you should be running to the nearest Toys R Us for a professionally gift-wrapped one for your boyfriend. Flat out: it’s just weird. Unless he specifically asks, there’s no way he’s desperately seeking a new furby to display on his nightstand.
His and hers anything
While resisting a pair of his and hers bathrobes may seem like quite the difficult feat this holiday season, resist going for anything couple-y. Whether it’s couples salsa dancing, hot yoga sessions, “I’m with her” t-shirts, a couple-themed gift is most likely to turn out to be a gift for yourself… not so much for him—especially if it’s for an emotional couples therapy session. Awkward.
A poem
You’re a poet, and he didn’t even know it! Congratulations, that’s great, but expressing your deepest feelings in a few cheesy lines (bonus point if it’s in iambic pentameter), isn’t exactly on his wish list this year (unless you’re both poetry majors). He’s lying if he says he wants something DIY or sentimental over a video game or sound cancelling headphones.
A self-help book
Ah, who doesn’t appreciate a passive aggressive way of finding out they apparently need help? Well, your guy, that’s for sure. Although 10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives is a bestseller, you don’t need to wave it in his face that he’s in need of a life makeover. Let him fail again and again before you step in, knowing you were right all along, duh.
A Taylor Swift mix tape
Who doesn’t love T-Swift? Guys think she’s hot and girls think she’s God’s gift to angsty-break-up heaven; she’s a winning combination. But making a killer CD of her best songs doesn’t make for a pitch-perfect future. “I Knew You Were Trouble,” “Picture to Burn,” and “Mean”? Not exactly the musical stylings that have you headed down the aisle.
Edward Cullen memorabilia
While a topless poster of Rob Pattinson with glittering (painted on) abs may have you dying for more, your boyfriend, well… not so much. In fact, if he’s looking for anything Edward Cullen-inspired, you may want to reconsider your relationship—he’d totally cheat on you if RPatz gave him the chance.
Scented candles
Boys love their sweaty stench. If they’re looking to mask it, it’s typically with five sprays too many of Axe. So if he’s looking for a relaxing gift that will de-stress him post-finals, don’t hand him over a cupcake-scented candle. Skip over the idea of cotton candy, cinnamon sugar, or nutmeg candles. Instead, just grab a bottle of Febreeze and stick a big bow on it—the changes you will see…
A Victoria’s Secret gift card
There’s no denying that you + lingerie will have your guy foaming at the mouth. But surprising him with a Victoria’s Secret gift card and a fun-filled day of shopping? Well, that will have him running (read: sprinting) for the hills. Don’t buy him a gift that’s for you because let’s be honest, we can’t all pull off the selfish girlfriend vibe as well as Kim K.
Rogaine
Just don’t. Buy him a hat instead.