Rejoice! You’re finally free from that job from hell! While you may be eager to celebrate the news with some wining and dining, there are still some things you wish you could say on your final day. Farewell and “See ya never!” because you’re on to bigger and better things.
1. All those times you called in sick were actually because you just didn’t feel like getting out of bed.
As if you’d choose spending time with cranky coworkers over catching up on your beauty sleep and favorite Netflix shows.
2. You’ve also lied about being stuck in traffic just so you could pick up breakfast before clocking in late.
You can’t count how many bagels and fraps have gotten you through all those miserable mornings.
3. You plan on blocking your boss on social media as soon as your shift ends.
Let the trash-talking begin!
4. And you’re totally going to steal tons of snacks from the kitchen because you deserve it.
Seriously, the only reason you cleaned out your purse today was so you could stuff it with bars and bags of chips.
5. You’re also going to snag some office supplies while you’re at it.
You’ll save so much money on pens, versus going to Target—the place that sucks the soul out of you and your bank account.
6. You purposely ate a burrito for lunch so you could fart in all the busy sections of the office.
It’s the perfect way to blow off all the steam you’ve been holding in for the last few months.
7. Because you hated working in this hellhole more than you’ve ever hated anything in your life.
Including blackheads, a cheating ex and Facebook during election time.
8. You’ll be having dozens of margs in honor of all the hours you wasted being miserable while working.
You could’ve been having the time of your life drinking instead!
9. You even snuck in a flask of white wine to make the afternoon pass quickly.
What have you got to lose, besides the nice mug that you’re pretending to drink tea out of?
10. Honestly, the only thing you’ll miss are the happy hours.
Free LQ for the price of whatever therapist you enlist to help cope with the emotional trauma from these past few months!
11. Because no amount of vacation days or benefits in the world could make up for the crappy salary and working conditions.
If you looked up “pathetic” in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of the staff next to the company logo.
12. You only stuck with the job because you needed the money.
You’d rather eat sugar than attempt being a sugar baby.
13. If people ask what you gained from this experience, you won’t hesitate to say “a major headache.”
Cue bashing the company to infinity and beyond.
14. You plan on writing a juicy tell-all to make up for having to sugarcoat your way through the exit interview.
You’re so proud of yourself for not word-vomiting to HR… or actually vomiting because that’s how sick you are of your job.
15. You think the CEO is a selfish troll and genuinely pity anyone else they intend to hire.
You’re beyond tempted to leave them a nasty review on Glassdoor, Yelp-style.
16. All those doctor appointments you’ve had lately were literally just excuses to go on interviews and land a better job.
Serving up a steaming plate of IDGAF with a side of peace out.
17. You’ve thought about quitting every single day, so you couldn’t be happier that the day has finally come!
On to the next one—aka a job at a company that doesn’t suck!
