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Oh Great, Now There's a Smart Condom to Make People Even More Self-Conscious About Sex

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Well, it's happened. Technology will stop at nothing, not even exploiting people's insecurities when it comes to sex. According to CNET, the "world's first smart condom" is currently available for preorder on British Condoms.

The condom, which isn't even a condom at all, is actually a ring that the wearer would place on over a conventional condom and tracks the following, according to the condom's FAQs

  • Calories burnt each session (everyone knows that's the true reason people have sex, right? To burn calories.)
  • Speed of thrusts 
  • Number of thrusts (Everyone knows you should have at least 200 per session, right?) (Kidding.)
  • Frequency of sessions (Because I guess people can't count how many times they've had sex themselves?)
  • Total duration of sessions
  • Average velocity of thrusts (Super important.)
  • Girth Measurement 
  • Positions used 
  • Average skin temperature (Just in case your guy gets a little feverish.)

When the user is finished, the condom, officially named the i.Con, can be plugged into a computer to charge. The data from the session will also be uploaded onto a phone and can be compared with other users around the world (because that's exactly what the world needs). British Condoms says that all the data will be kept confidential, but we all know how easy it is to hack technology. 

The i.Con will apparently also be able to tell the wearer if he has an STI. If this part is true, it is a pretty cool concept. Imagine being able to tell if your partner had an infection before having sex, and how that knowledge might be able to slow the spread of STIs. But do we really need another opportunity to compare ourselves to one other?

Great idea, British Condoms. Let's turn one of the most intimate acts two people can perform into stats—from there, leaderboards and social games can easily follow.


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