You meet this totally great guy at a party. And, of course, he’s wonderful. Not only is he a bighearted social work major who loves working with kids, but he also isn’t afraid to be goofy on the dance floor. You have no trouble talking to him at the party about your mutual love for Imagine Dragons where the lights are dim and the music’s bumping… but getting in touch with him after the party is a completely different story! Here’s what to do if you find yourself in one of these post-party predicaments and you want to get a hold of your party crush.
Situation #1: You got his number (but he doesn’t have yours)
His phone was hooked up to the speakers playing the party playlist or it was completely out of battery and lying uselessly on the couch. Either way, he simply gave you his number and wasn’t able to ask for yours. Better than nothing, right?
Now the ball is in your court to decide just what to say to him the next day. You feel the pressure intensifying as you try to come up with a text that’s the perfect combination of witty, cute and casual. How can you do it?!
Geoffrey Greif, author of Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships, provides some insight. “If a girl wants to establish a long-term relationship with the guy based on honesty, she should be transparent,” he says.
You could just be direct by saying something like, “Hey, this is Marisa from so-and-so’s party. I just wanted to say that I had a great time with you last night!”
“I like when I get a text from a girl that’s simple and honest,” says Jude, a freshman at the University of Missouri–St. Louis. “Just knowing that she had a good time is always good to hear. There also isn’t a lot of pressure in receiving a text like that. It’s not like she’s telling you she loves you or anything.”
By doing so, there’s no mind games! You’re letting him know exactly how you feel. Plus, if he wasn’t exactly vibing with you, it could be seen as emotionally neutral. You’re not proclaiming your love for him, but rather acknowledging the fact that you simply enjoyed his company.
You could also go for a more creative text by referencing something you talked about when you met, such as, “Hey, Alex! It’s Marisa from so-and-so’s party. I just heard (song you talked about last night) on the radio! I can’t get enough of it.”
Morgan, a sophomore at the University of Missouri, usually goes with this approach. “By referencing something you talked about the night before, you’re showing him that you remember him and that you are someone worth remembering,” she says.
Situation #2: You got his name, but no number
Your friend got sick and you had to take her home, or his ride showed up sooner than anticipated and was threatening to drive away without him. In either case, you were left with a reason to contact him… but no way to do so. And, in the immortal words of Gigi from He’s Just Not That Into You, “How stupid is it that a gal has to wait for a guy’s call anyway, right?” You want to make a move because you had such a great time together, but what are you supposed to do when all you have on your side is the fact that you added each other as friends on Facebook while you were together at the party?
Yes, you want to be pursued, and you will be… after you drop a few hints. And while it may seem like you’re totally reverting back to the AIM days of seventh grade, would you rather never speak to him again or message him on the old FB
Rebecca, a junior at the University of Mississippi, has had no trouble using Facebook to talk to guys she’s met at parties. “I left [the party] before I exchanged numbers with this guy, so I messaged him on Facebook the next day,” she says. “I sent him a picture we had taken together the night before and told him it was fun hanging out with him… I’ve since gotten his number.”
While we might not be as lucky as Rebecca to have taken a picture with our crush from the night before, you can still come up with something to say to him the next day. You could say something easy and breezy like,“Hey! It was great meeting you last night!”
“There’s nothing wrong with telling him that you enjoyed meeting him even if he didn’t ask for your number,” Morgan says. If nothing else happens between you two, you had a fun couple hours together, and it was still great to meet him.
You could try saying something like this if you’re looking to continue your conversation:
“Hey! It’s Marisa from so-and-so’s party last night. I had a great time hanging with you. You never got to finish your story about (funny thing you were talking about the night before, e.g., first kiss, wisdom teeth removal, etc.)! What happened?”
“Sometimes I never know what to say to a girl the next day,” says Ryan, a sophomore at the University of Missouri–Kansas City. “So when she texts me first and brings up something we talked about the night before, it makes it a lot easier for me to figure out what to say next.”
If you’re feeling extra bold and confident in your connection, you could even offer to hear the rest of his story over coffee sometime, Greif suggests.
Situation #3: You got his name, but you didn’t exchange numbers AND you’re not Facebook friends
Some might say this is the end of the line. You had a good night, but trying to contact him now would just be futile. Au contraire! While this may take a little more elbow grease, if you really hit it off, it can be done in two simple steps:
Step 1: Ask a friend for his number
Enlist the help of one of your friends. She saw you two flirting it up, and she lived on his floor last year in the dorms. She has his number. Use it.
Lauren, a junior at the University of Kansas, was the go-between friend in this situation. “My friend Sarah had just met my friend Blake from [her school], but they didn’t exchange numbers,” she says. “I gave Sarah his number and helped her craft a text to him asking him about his shoes. It seems lame, but, hey, it worked! He totally texted her back.”
While your text to him may have to be a bit more carefully crafted considering the indirect way in which you obtained his number, as long as he’s interested (and why wouldn’t he be?! You’re awesome!), he’ll gladly accept the chance to get in contact with you.
“If a girl went out of her way to get my number, I would be flattered,” Ryan says. “It shows that she’s interested in me, and that makes me more interested in her.”
Try talking to him with a purpose in mind by saying something like, “Hey, Dan! This is Marisa. I got your number from Carly. Are you the guy I met last night who really liked The Fray?”
You could also say something like, “Hey, Mike! This is Marisa. I got your number from Rachel. At the party last night, we talked about the best places to get Thai food. Where did you say was your favorite place in (current location) to get Thai?”
This sense of purpose in your text makes your message clear, not creepy. You’re just talking about Thai food and avoiding the non-issue of how you got his number.
“I once had a girl text me after a party asking me where she should take her car to get a dent fixed,” Jude says. “We talked about our car problems the night before… I recommended the shop that I go to, and then we just kept talking.”
After he responds (depending on his response), then you can pick up the conversation normally with no other purpose than simply to talk to him.
Step 2: Friend him on Facebook
After the party, you sifted through the host’s Facebook friends trying to find him. And there he was. What are you waiting for?! The worst thing that could happen would be for him to simply ignore your request. So request that friendship!
“If I meet a cute guy at a party, I’ll friend him on Facebook the next day,” Rebecca says.
You don’t have to worry about this action meaning anything, and you don’t have to re-read the text 10 times before you send it. There’s just a button to click. And with that click, you’re simultaneously reminding him of your name, face and, if you do it soon enough, when you met him.
“I don’t really think anything of it if a girl friend requests me on Facebook,” says Mark, a junior at Maryville University. “It happens all the time.”
After he has accepted your friend request, then you can proceed to anxiously draft your message to him. Just keep it honest, Greif says. “Playing games or playing coy may be safer in terms of not being rejected, but it may send the wrong message,” he says.
Hitting it off with a guy at a party is just the beginning. After the initial encounter, there’s so much to look forward to! As long as you make it clear that you’re interested and your efforts don’t cross over into creeper territory, you’re golden.