So I've been officially dating a guy for three months, and while the boyfriend-girlfriend thing was amazing for the first two months, now I feel that things have changed. I feel like he’s spending a lot more time with his friends than he used to. I don't mind him being with his friends at all, but lately I've been feeling like I’m in second place. He tells me what he’s planning on doing with them, but if somehow he can't do that anymore, then he asks if I want to do something. Or, if we go to a party, he doesn't offer me a ride home anymore. He does, however, offer rides to his friends.
I have already talked to him about it and how I feel like I’m in second place, but he swears it's not true, that he’d rather be with me than anyone else and that he's sorry he makes me feel that way even when it's not true. But I feel like he doesn't change, or maybe he doesn't realize he’s doing it again. I really love him, but I feel like he’s not giving me my place. I don't want to break up with him, but should I? ––Can’t Decide at Columbia
As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, I think this is a pretty easy case to handle.
You said yourself that you’ve already talked to him and he still hasn’t changed. He swears up and down that he’d rather be with you than anyone else, but he has yet to prove that.
The first few months of a relationship count as the honeymoon period. The fact that you’re already feeling uneasy two months in isn’t a good sign. Moreover, the fact that it’s two months in and he’s already overlooking his relationship with you to spend more time with his friends isn’t a good sign. Of course, everyone needs friends, and of course couples should spend time apart with their respective friends so they don’t get tired of each other. That said, when he’s doing more to preserve his friendships than he is to preserve his relationship, I question his sincerity.
If you’ve already talked to him about this and have yet to see changes even after his firm denial, I think you know what the next step is. Obviously, you aren’t very happy, and regardless of how much you care for him (“love” seems like a strong term for such a young relationship), your happiness should be a priority. Relationships are about putting in equal work, and he hasn’t done that. You’ve tried, and now you’re suffering for it.
I think you know that you need to end things with him. It isn’t going to be pleasant, but you can do better.