You know the saying: "You don't know what you've got till it's gone"? Right about now, that's how you feel about hookups. Gone are the college days of bedroom-hopping or hosting trysts in your dorm room. Now that you've graduated, it's gotten a whole lot harder to fit sexy time in with your 9-to-5. Here are some other ways your sex life is struggling.
1. Late-night booty calls get replaced with late-night delivery calls.
Both cases involve you trying not to run to the door like a hungry madwoman.
2. You long for a salary as high as your sex drive.
If so, you'd be swimming in cash. Preferably naked with an SO.
3. Masturbating has become a crucial part of your nightly routine.
Nothing like some self-lovin’ before a good night’s sleep.
4. You fantasize about sleeping with every cute person you come across.
The barista, your coworker, that Disney movie character…
5. Dry spells are no longer a joke—they are ruining your life.
This must be what it feels like to be in the desert with no water.
6. You spend more time checking your dating apps than your email.
Exchanging numbers with strangers is basically networking, right?
7. In truly weak moments, you set up profiles on sketchy matchmaking sites.
No one can know that you “experimented” with Special Arrangements.
8. Reminiscing about past hookups is physically painful.
It's 2016. Has no one seriously invented a time machine by now?
9. You consider joining a support group or creating one for sexless singles.
Guidelines: bring cookies for eating and tissues for crying.
10. Dancing becomes your second favorite physical activity.
If only you had someone to bump and grind with in the bedroom.
11. Your friends are constantly snapping you out of inappropriate daydreams.
How do they expect you to have a conversation in your condition?
12. You think about applying to be on a dating reality show.
MTV True Life: Not Getting Laid Sucks
13. But you settle for watching lots of R-rated movies instead.
And not just the scary ones…
14. At bars, you care less about the drinks and more about the crowd.
Who here looks like they give a killer body massage?
15. Flirting goes from being a skill to a competitive sport.
MUST MAKE OUT WITH HOT STRANGER BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DOES.
16. Since you don’t go out as often anymore, every second counts.
If this were a frat party, you’d have five options in three minutes.
17. You can no longer tell the difference between socializing and seducing.
You’re the queen of the shoulder-touch-and-eye-contact combo.
18. And when you do finally get it on with someone again, it feels amazing.
Like eating candy after being stuck in braces for months.
19. In fact, the term “bad sex” no longer means anything to you.
If you’re starving, you don’t give a damn if it's toast or a hamburger. It’s going to satisfy you regardless.
20. When it comes to your sexual appetite, you’re a lot more willing to try new things.
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
21. You actually end up craving sex the way you sometimes crave fast food.
You know it’s bad when anything appeals to you more than chicken nuggets.
22. You’re secretly jealous of any couple you see boo-loving in public.
You imagine all the other stuff they do in private, and it just doesn’t seem fair.
23. You used to care about planning for sex, but now you’re much more spontaneous.
Using protection is necessary. Having every part of you shaved and exfoliated is not.
24. Even so, working nine to five prevents any random rendezvous.
Gone are the days of skipping class to get some…cuddling in.
25. And if you live with parents and siblings, coordinating hookups can be tricky.
Seriously, why is your household a replica of Full House? WHY?
26. Which is fine, because you’re willing to travel any distance for some TLC.
Tinder is set to take you 50 miles away if that’s what it comes down to.
27. While being horny is hard, you know the best (sex) is yet to come.
Until you can do the deed again, just continue to do you girl.
