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16 Strange Things You Can Only Learn in an Uber


Before Travis Scott told us to "Uber Everywhere," we were already, well, Ubering everywhere. There is nothing quite like an Uber ride—alone or with your squad. From trips to the bar, to trips to your favorite restaurant, to trips to work, to trips home from bae's house, there are some things you can't help but learn in your Uber. Read below for 16 of them.

1. Just how fucked up you are

*Internal monologue* "Something isn't right here..."

2. The name of the person whose Uber you tried to steal

Uber driver: "Is your name Pam?" You: "No... but it can be." 

3. What it's like to reevaluate your life

You just spent the last ten dollars to your name on this ride to the bar—and you feel no shame. 

4. The life story that your Uber driver wants you to believe

You want to believe it, too.

5. That you are, in fact, just a booty call

*Interprets being sent home by hookup buddy via Uber as a romantic gesture*

6. The order-to-delivery timeframe of your favorite pizza place

You've mastered the art of knowing when to call so that it's at your door when you get there. Round of applause!

7. The limits of your awkwardness

Are we at our destination yet? 

8. How long you can hold in your puke

Started from the bar and now you're here. On the sidewalk. Throwing up. 

9. The most irrelevant details of your surrounding environment

"You'll still get me, right?"

10. The true value of quiet time

Hey, Uber driver who won't stop talking! Could you, maybe, chill for a sec?

11. Your detailed escape plan 

Cause you just never know if your driver is secretly a serial killer. 

12. That you left your wallet, phone and dignity at the bar

No Ragrets Tho. 

13. That you really need to write a memoir

"Thanks for listening, Shawn. You've made me realize how interesting I am." 

14. The difference between a four-star ride and a five-star ride

"You got a phone charger and an aux cord, Uber driver? Say no more."

15. That you and your drunk squad are being rescued

Shout out to the Uber gods. 

16. The harsh realization that this surcharge is gonna be expensive as fuck

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

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