If you’re a graduating senior, then we’re sure you’re well acquainted with the most dreaded question a senior collegiette can be asked: “So, what are you doing after graduation?”
The last thing a second-semester senior wants to be reminded of on a daily basis is that frightening future looming after graduation (which is even scarier for those seniors who still don’t have a job or grad school lined up!). For seniors who are tired of admitting they don’t have a clue as to what their future holds, here are a few responses you can offer those nosy inquirers instead.
1. I’m moving to Israel to start an alpaca farm.
2. I’m conducting an intensive research study exploring the effects of Netflix binges on job-search success.
3. I’m becoming a nanny for the Jolie-Pitt family.
4. I’m designing a new mobile game called Flippy Bird. In the game, you try to make an animated bird flip over a series of pipes (but if you accidentally hit one of the pipes, you don’t actually die!).
5. I’m traveling across the country in an attempt to find the best fried chicken in America and making a documentary about my experience.
6. I’m moving to LA to become a backup dancer for Beyoncé.
7. I’m going to become a YouTube sensation by making a series of videos where my hamster and I reenact famous movie scenes.
8. I’m developing a new diet trend where you only eat kale, coconut and chia seeds for a week.
9. I’m learning how to juggle fire so I can become a cruise ship entertainer.
10. I’m going to record a folk album about the struggles of being a recent grad. Songs will include “Findin’ a LinkedIn Profile Pic,” “No Money, No Prospects” and “Unemployable.”
11. I’m working as a living statue in Central Park.
12. I’m starting a food truck that sells only Cronuts.
13. I’m penning a young-adult book series about a love triangle between a human, a warlock and an alien.
14. I’m moving to Australia to become a pearl diver.
15. I’m going to open up a bar exclusively for bored graduates (college students will be strictly banned) with crazy-cheap drink specials every night of the week.
16. I’m working as a food scientist for Ben & Jerry’s to help them develop new Core ice cream flavors (my latest idea is mint chocolate chip ice cream with a Nutella core).
17. I’m going to gain a massive amount of weight, lose it all and become a motivational speaker to share my story with others.
18. I’m creating a dating site called LostSouls.com for recent grads who are unsure about what they want to do with their lives.
19. I’m developing a new fitness craze called Horizontal Running.
20. I’m writing a pilot episode for a new TV show about four graduates with no career prospects.
21. I’m going to try a new Frappuccino flavor at Starbucks every day for a year and start a blog about it called “Life of a Frap Star.”
22. I’m training to break the world record for longest keg stand.
23. I’m becoming a celebrity baby name consultant to help celebrities create new, trendy names for their children.
24. I’m traveling with the Ringling Bros. Circus as a trapeze artist.
25. I’m launching a line of high-fashion dog booties.
26. I’m undergoing leg-lengthening surgery and then auditioning to become a Rockette.
27. I’m training to become a balloon twister for birthday parties.
28. I’m designing an app for college grads that offers inspirational quotes whenever they’re feeling sad and blocks them from looking at their old college photo albums on Facebook more than three times a week.
29. I’m participating in a reality show where you have to survive in New York City for one week with only seven dollars and a bus pass.
30. I’m traveling the country photographing rare birds in their natural habitats.
31. I’m breeding Schnoodles.
32. I’m starting a Tumblr page called Sad Grads where recent grads can post gifs that best capture the scary uncertainty of post-graduation life.
33. I’m going door to door selling handmade key chains.