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What to Do When He's Acting Flaky


At some point in time we’ve all received the text message, “We have to hang out,” that results in no follow-through. This is the classic flaky boy response. That text turns into three more text messages saying exactly the same thing three weeks in a row. Then that gets your hopes up and before you know it you are disappointed again. Here’s advice on how to deal with those flaky boys.

Why is he being flaky?

First, here are three possible causes for the flakiness to help understand the situation a little better. The problem was assessed by expert Patti Feinstein, America’s Dating Coach, and then we got the lowdown from the people who know what is really going on--college men.

1. He’s a yes man.

This guy has a hard time saying “no” for whatever reason. Vishal Duvvuru, a senior at The University of Texas at Austin, says that he tends to fall into the “yes man” category. The bad thing about being a yes man is that too many yeses turn into noes once he ends up realizing he overbooked himself.

2. He’s just not that into you.

Feinstein says, “He’s just not that into you. If he didn’t actually show up or make it happen then he didn’t care enough to. He wasn’t excited or compelled enough.” The truth is that if a guy wants to hang out with you, he will make it happen. He won’t flake. When a guy wants something, he goes after it. So move on to someone more worth your time.

3. He’s actually super busy.

He could just be busy. Alexander Zwaan, a recent graduate from The University of Texas at Austin, spoke about how the excuses could be a product of how he has a lot going on in his life at the moment. From his recent job search, he hasn’t been able to devote time to his personal life and dating. He suggests that he could’ve had something come up, so maybe you should give him a break.

How to Deal

Now here are some solutions to try and work around the flaky boy syndrome.

1. Get rid of the OPTION to hang out.

Give him a concrete date, time and place. Being specific with plans normally makes plans seem more legitimate and eliminates the possibility of him bailing on you.

2. Don’t respond to his text messages for a while.

Play the game back at him. You’d be surprised what the chase in a game of cat and mouse can do. See what his response is to you not playing his games anymore.

3. Move on.

Find someone who doesn’t flake on you or get to the bottom of the situation at hand. Feinstein advises, “You are lucky to learn your lesson early on about what kind of man he is. Just imagine what he is like as a boyfriend! At least now you only have to wait 25 minutes instead of longer later on.” Find someone who treats you right the first time around. You deserve to be taken on a date, so stop letting flaky boys get to you and find someone who contributes to your happiness.

Always remember that you should be the one who is pursued, not the one who is waiting around. Feinstein puts it perfectly when she says, "The girl who is stood up will always find someone better because everyone will fight for her to find a great guy, and she will fight for herself. Women will prevail over the men who are not worth their time." Love is a tricky thing and nothing comes easy, especially when it comes to dating. So keep on searching until you find the man that is going to treat you right!

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