We begin this week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars with Hanna staring at the $39.99 engagement ring she bought to replace the flawless (and did I mention massive?) rock Jordan proposed with. Believe it or not, this isn’t the most far-fetched moment of the hour.
The OG girl squad convenes on how sneaky Rollins is and decides he should probably be their number one suspect for whatever it is they’re investigating this week.
Ali attempts to escape Welby as she and Elliott wrestle. He wins and straps an awful mask on her face to quiet her. If you’re wondering where all the hospital staff have disappeared to, well me too.
Aria tries to get Hanna to talk about what happened to her while she was held captive. It becomes increasingly obvious that Aria can’t take a hint when Hanna keeps denying her the deets and Aria just keeps asking.
Spencer jets off to Toby’s trailer to ask him a favor, but she bumps into Yvonne, Toby’s FIANCÉE! Yes, he PROPOSED to that non-Spencer. And I thought pretending to be A was the worst thing Toby could ever do.
Emily, Hanna and Aria go to Welby to drop some legal jargon on Elliott’s extremely dim supervisor. But it turns out if you are just shady enough you can figure out how to hide the meds you’re giving a patient—by not writing them down in her chart. GENIUS.
Spencer corners Caleb about his cabin liaison with Hanna, and he admits everything. This is the slowest crumbling of a relationship I have ever witnessed, and at this point, I am dying for one of them to dump the other.
The evidence continues to mount against Elliott as the gals sleuth around his house. Surprise: His locked trunk is filled with all kinds of things he can hurt Alison with—plus allergy medicine. He is SUCH a complex villain.
After discovering a pair of stunning blue contacts in the trunk, Spencer figures out that Rollins must have made a mask of Wilden’s face to convince Ali she’s crazy. I know Spence is smart, but not sure how she got from A to B on that one.
Aria and Hanna travel to a mysterious location to find Elliott’s family. Instead, they encounter a creepy little blonde girl with a collection of dolls that look just like the Liars. As if that wasn’t disturbing enough, the dolls were gifts from Charlotte.
Because little girls are total snitches, she then spills the beans that Charlotte and Elliott were a couple. And Aria and Hanna believe her without questioning her story at all.
While all this madness is going on, Emily is bartending and landing a date with that girl from The Brew. Way to go, Em, but your timing sucks.
Hanna sees the cattle prod her captor tortured her with and has instant Dollhouse-worthy flashbacks.
After lots of back and forth, I ~*think*~ Caleb and Spencer call it quits. But since there was no official goodbye hug or exchanging of belongings they left at each other’s houses, I can’t be sure.
Emily crashes Toby and Yvonne’s engagement party to deliver the file she stole from Spencer. So she really was doing something productive at least once during this episode.
Rollins returns home to find his creep stash messed with—but why didn’t he realize this earlier?—and decides to move Alison asap.
Ali steals Elliott’s phone so the girls can track her. They follow, and I just know this is going to end well for them.
With the file Emily gave him, Toby discovers that Elliott Rollins is actually a really old or really dead man whose last scrape with the law was in 1958. So using the detective skills I’ve picked up from this show, I’m going to say Elliott Rollins isn’t even this guy’s real name.
Alison finally makes her escape. “Elliott” pursues. But it’s not long before Hanna runs over him and his entire head ends up inside the car with them.
Mr. Alison DiLaurentis is dead. Ali can forget the pesky divorce. And we’ve finally got a body to bury!