One of the best things about college is that you get to be whoever you want to be. You meet all sorts of people from different backgrounds with different aspirations, and, unlike high school, being different is okay. More than okay – it's encouraged! This is your time to find yourself, emotionally, socially, professionally... but also sexually.
Casual sex, sex with multiple partners or sex out of wedlock isn't stigmatized like it might have been a few decades ago, but there can be a stigma around being a virgin, unfortunately. At Her Campus, we believe that having sex or not is your decision entirely, and that it's completely okay either way. That's why we put together the reasons why being a virgin in college is nothing to worry about. Read on if you've ever doubted your choices, if you’ve felt judged for them or even if you're perfectly happy!
1. You know what you want and you stand by it.
Whatever your reasons are for staying a virgin thus far, your first time obviously means a lot to you. And with good reason! You absolutely should feel comfortable with the person to whom you lose your virginity, whether you’re simply waiting for someone you like enough, or you want to be in a committed relationship first. You have a right to be picky! You deserve only the best.
“College is all about making personal decisions, and is often the first time we make so many at once,” says Jenna*, a senior at Florida State University. “Choosing to remain a virgin until I was ready went against not only the stereotype of a college student, but of a sorority girl, but I was okay with it and I was proud of my decision.”
2. There are no deadlines.
Society often makes us feel like there’s a perfect age for every romantic milestone: for our first kiss, our first time having sex or our wedding day, for instance. This is so not the case! You should feel free to take things at your own pace without worrying about what others have to say about it. You’re in college, and you have all the time in the world ahead of you. Besides, waiting makes everything better – think being reunited with your mom's famous lasagna after a semester in school! Drool.
“I don't want sex to just be a ‘thing’ that happens,” says Rose*, a junior at the University of Texas at Austin. “I want it to be special and meaningful … (contrary to popular belief,) there's absolutely no rush. Saying ‘no’ isn't a bad thing!”
3. Your true friends will support you.
If you decide to talk about your virginity with your friends, their support of you will say a lot about them. The people around you should never make you doubt your choices, and if you’re happy with being a virgin, that’s truly all that matters.
“I have been dating my boyfriend since senior year of high school,” says Leila*, a senior at the University of California, San Diego. “We have decided to remain virgins until marriage. The feedback that I hear from people who discover this about me is supportive and encouraging.”
“I feel very proud of myself and my boyfriend for our decision to wait,” Leila adds. And so should you!
4. You are not alone.
Although it may feel like you’re the only collegiette on campus still carrying her V-card, that’s not the case!
“According to one study, only 32 percent of college students say they've had sex with more than one person in the previous year, and as many as one in four college students is still a virgin,” says Julie Zeilinger, a blogger and author of College 101: A Girl’s Guide to Freshman Year.
Still not convinced? Many celebrities waited relatively late to lose their virginities! Tina Fey was 24 years old when she lost her virginity, Lisa Kudrow was 32 and Adriana Lima was 27.
5. In the end, it’s not THAT big of a deal.
The concept of virginity is truly only what you make of it. “Virginity is a social construct,” says Kelsey Pomeroy, a junior at Ohio State. “It is this idea that our society has built up into this overly important, life-defining thing.”
Your virginity doesn't define who you are in any way. Your personality and accomplishments matter a thousand times more, and anyone who can't see that just isn't worth your time.
“Essentially, the concept of virginity is almost used to shame girls for their sexual experience, or lack thereof, and that just shouldn't be the case,” Kelsey says. “Calling someone a virgin is defining them by one thing, when they're so much more than that.”
Remember: not having sex is part of your life, not all of it.
College is your time to create your own path, and if virginity is a part of that, then that’s totally okay! Nobody has the right to make you feel like your decisions aren't worthy, or like you’re different or strange in any way. Many collegiettes are virgins and perfectly happy with it – be it by choice or by chance. Embrace the diversity present on your campus, be happy and be confident.
*Names have been changed.
